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I thought it be funny if we started a topic where everybody posted the funny things they have heard on VATSIM from ATC, pilot's or ATIS.

For me it would have to be my good friend and fellow controller Tim Boger

His ATIS reads:

Please advise if you have runway 17/35 and I'll give you a cookie

He said some people have asked LOL

ATA Virtual Pilot

ZMP C-3 Controller

MSP_CTR

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I'm not a real controller, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!

 

LOL yea we should talk more about the funny stuff here on vatsim tho most of the time its noob related...i had a pilot report seeing a onster on a runway at KMSP once, and another saying he couldnt get his frist officer to put the bong away...

The thoughts and/or words or any general things that are expressed above are not a direct reflection of the views of the actual poster myself, Rey Lopez, and should be disregarded and left unread.

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Ohhhh Matthew, you flatter me

 

How about this one...

 

NWAXXX"Minneapolis Center, this is Northwest XXX request expedited descent into Fargo, we have a man with a heart attack on board."

Me:"Northwest XXX, roger, go ahead and descend at your discretion, maintain 3,000"

little while later...

Me:"Northwest XXX, turn left when able taxi to the terminal ramp, remain this frequency. Be sure to give that man on board my best wishes."

NWAXXX: "Thank you Center, we will tell him"

 

Woulda been funny except that he didn't exactly find it funny.

Timothy Boger

ZMP ATM!

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At KSFO, a pilot overshot his landing on RWY 19L and ended up stopping at the other side of RWY 101. The good ZOA controller on the scope at the time gave him instructions to make a right turn at the 7-Eleven store and taxi back to gate.

Rich Lee - C3

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One of my favorites from Rick Schaefer (fellow ZID controller) who had in his ATIS, "It's freezing, but welcome to Indy!"

 

My buddy Dan Charles posted on the ATAv forums a while back this link to a recording of a controllers quick-witted response to a pilot checking in (took me a while but I finally understood it ): http://media.putfile.com/controller-humor

Nick Bartolotta - ZSE Instructor, pilot at large

 

"Just fly it on down to within a inch of the runway and let it drop in from there."

- Capt. Don Lanham, ATA Airlines

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One of my favorites from Rick Schaefer (fellow ZID controller) who had in his ATIS, "It's freezing, but welcome to Indy!"

 

My buddy Dan Charles posted on the ATAv forums a while back this link to a recording of a controllers quick-witted response to a pilot checking in (took me a while but I finally understood it ): http://media.putfile.com/controller-humor

 

It could have been more funny if the Controller happened to be gay and responded: "Well, I'm a Queen, and I out rank a Baron"

 

Yet another reason when giving progressive taxi instructions in San Francisco one should not say: "Go Straight"... Yup, you'll always here me say "Continue Foward."

Edited by Guest

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Eric J. Hébert (ZOA_EH)

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Last week flying YYZ-LAS; I used the callsign TSC740 "transat 740"; as I was Voice Receive I sent on text:

 

-Center g'day, with you FL340 on J94 inbound.....

 

CHI_CTR on voice : ---- euh; tango sierraaaaa /--he actually started laughing!! / ok, lets postpone this; whats your callsign so I dont choke on it

 

I was like: (on text) Transat 740

 

It was a nice one!

Dont remember his name

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One of my favorites from Rick Schaefer (fellow ZID controller) who had in his ATIS, "It's freezing, but welcome to Indy!"

 

My buddy Dan Charles posted on the ATAv forums a while back this link to a recording of a controllers quick-witted response to a pilot checking in (took me a while but I finally understood it ): http://media.putfile.com/controller-humor

 

i cant make out what he said...explain

The thoughts and/or words or any general things that are expressed above are not a direct reflection of the views of the actual poster myself, Rey Lopez, and should be disregarded and left unread.

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Nah, pilot checking in said:

 

"Glendale tower, uhhh this is 4537M, Arrowhead Mall, umm with November, and I'm a Baron."

 

Controller: "Baron 4537M, Glendale tower, good afternoon, I'm a controller, make straight in..."

 

So! The pilot announced himself a little funky, and the way he said his aircraft type (Baron) made it sound like he was German Nobility - e.g. Baron Von Richthoffen (sp). So the controller announced his title in life. At least, with my decidedly English sense of humour, that's the way I took it.

 

Another way might be that the pilot was telling the controller he was an airplane, but then Glendale Tower should have said "and I'm an air traffic control tower" which would have been funnier. Ahh well.

 

I found it very entertaining.

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One of my favorites from Rick Schaefer (fellow ZID controller) who had in his ATIS, "It's freezing, but welcome to Indy!"

 

My buddy Dan Charles posted on the ATAv forums a while back this link to a recording of a controllers quick-witted response to a pilot checking in (took me a while but I finally understood it ): http://media.putfile.com/controller-humor

 

i cant make out what he said...explain

 

Yeah don't worry at first I was confused too. Just ignore what the pilots say in the middle of the recording, since that was from their regular conversation and not ATC vs. Pilots.

Nick Bartolotta - ZSE Instructor, pilot at large

 

"Just fly it on down to within a inch of the runway and let it drop in from there."

- Capt. Don Lanham, ATA Airlines

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My all time favorite the other night....

 

Pilot is sqking STANDBY.

 

I private message him "Sir, please sqk normal when able" just to get his transponder turned on ....

 

PILOT on 133.0: "Uh, how do I do that sqk normal?"

 

Me on 133.0: "Which pilot client are you using to connect? FSInn, SB3, XSB?"

 

PILOT on 133.0: "Uh...I don't know...."

Jeff Thomas

VP-IT

https://joinava.org

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At Chicago O'hare....from the South GA Ramp...

 

CTR: "Blue Angel Four, taxi rwy 32R, call when ready to go"

 

BA4: "Rgr sir, will taxi rwy 32R"

 

a little while later...

 

BA4: "Center, holding short 32R, ready to go...ah...I think we kinda taxied via the expressway..."

 

CTR: "Roger sir, no problems, your I-P[Mod - Happy Thoughts] is paid up, we checked... "

Jeff Thomas

VP-IT

https://joinava.org

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