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One of my favorites from Rick Schaefer (fellow ZID controller) who had in his ATIS, "It's freezing, but welcome to Indy!"

 

My buddy Dan Charles posted on the ATAv forums a while back this link to a recording of a controllers quick-witted response to a pilot checking in (took me a while but I finally understood it ): http://media.putfile.com/controller-humor

 

LOL!

Clear Skies,

Isaac Niedrauer

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I know I've posted this one before.. still makes me laugh - happened probably 3-4 years ago:

 

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Speaking of A1 (Air Force One) here's a transcript from a session I was part of a few years back which you might find amusing. This was before we had any official policy at Vatusa/Vatsim regarding priority of special flights.

 

I had a guy at Nellis as Air Force One with a flight of 4 F16's that were heading down to LAX to practice some formation flying. The guy playing A1 was quite impatient with the wait time he had due to some busy skies I was handling:

 

A1: Air Force one holding short runway 3R at Nellis and ready for departure.

 

LAX_CTR: Air Force One roger, hold short of runway 3R - traffic on 8 mile final. (don't want to take chances with A1).

 

A1: Ok we'll hold short. ummm Shouldn't you be holding that guy so that I can depart? I am the President of the United States!

 

LAX_CTR: You don't get any special treatment in my skies sir, I'm Canadian!

 

(Open laughter on the voice frequency from all other pilots)

Ian Elchitz

Just a guy without any fancy titles

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Really funny to read, my stomach aches already from laughting

I was in my 767-300 in neighburing Heathrow with no ATC , so I checked ATIS weather for Gatwick...

in Gatwick GND ATIS I sawed : Tea and cookies at Terminal 1.

Thought , ok, why not When I arrived to Gatwick, got a refuse from GND to come and join party at Terminal 1..my 767 was too big, so he sed: Take a Walk by foot when shutted down at GateX )

 

Nice to have so friendly ATC.

 

Cheers!

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I will turn it around a bit and go with a real world dumb move performed by yours truely. Those who remember the SATCO days will appreciate the humor and procedures described.

 

After flying and becoming familiar with SATCO terminal procedures I was feeling quite proficient and found it helped with real world radio work. In the real world one day we flew a practice search mission in the Civil Air Patrol C-172. After 2.5 hrs in the 100 plus Arkansas heat at 500ft, 80 kias, and all windows closed during that time, we were hot, tired, and not as sharp as we should have been. I had turned over the flying to the other person and was handling the radios. The initial call, approach and landing went fine. Ground gave us taxi instructions at KLIT to theCentral Flying Service ramp. As the flying pilot was setting the brakes and preparing to shut down I called ground withoout thinking and said "CAPFLT 323 at Central, request shutdown". After a brief silence ground came back and said "Uhh, sure 323, shut 'er down". I started shutting all the avionics down, and as the prop stopped turning the flying pilot said....why did you do that? I then realized what I had done and started laughing. He got a kick out of the SATCO explanation and has never let me live it down.

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CLE APP "ABC 123, runway 6R, cleared for takeoff, fly heading 035."

ABC123 "Cleared for takeoff, ABC123."

....

ABC123 "Uhh... our aircraft just started burning for no reason. I don't know what happened."

CLE_APP "ABC123, say intentions?"

ABC123 "Well, we're burning."

CLE_APP "Okay, there's a lake to your north that will put out the flame, or there's BKL 12 oclock 10 miles, or we can turn you around for KCLE again. Say intentions?"

ABC123 "We're just going to continue to Toronto like this, thanks!"

 

Doesn't read nearly as funny as it was at the time. The rest of the pilots and I were in stitches.

Steven Perry

VATSIM Supervisor

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OK, two for the price of one:

 

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Pilot: Portland Approach, we don't have the winds for Portland yet. What are you landing there tonight?

KPDX_APP: Right now we're landing, um, airplanes and helicopters.

 

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ATC: United 2303, turn 1 degree right.

Pilot: One degree?! You can't expect me to be able to do anything less than 10 degrees.

ATC: OK, turn 10 degrees left, then 11 degrees right.

 

---------

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The Santiago TMA in Chile is quite interesting as it is surrounded by lots of mountains and tall hills... vectoring needs to be in many cases very precisely followed by pilots in order to avoid conflict

 

SCEZ_CTR: LAN123, turn left hdg 200, descend and maintain FL060, join the localizer

LAN123: left 200 FL60 (pilot starts turning right, straight into a m[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ive hill)

SCEZ_CTR: LAN123, the other left sir

 

a couple of seconds go by with no pilot response, blip disappears and reappears at the departure airport. Pilot comes back to the frequency:

 

LAN123: umm, errr... what did you mean by "the other left" sir? Don't know what happened but all of a sudden I'm back at departure

Javier Larroulet (C3) - Chile vACC

18.png

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Here is one for you guys: Chris McGee - Indy Center

 

ZID - Turn right 10 degrees

DAL - Sir I can't, I am not FMS equip, can you please give me vectors?

 

LMFAO

The thoughts and/or words or any general things that are expressed above are not a direct reflection of the views of the actual poster myself, Rey Lopez, and should be disregarded and left unread.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Here's one from a long time ago, one of my first IFR flights. Not sure where it was, might've been a random European country. ATC was giving me some instructions to fly my arrival procedure, which included a VOR called something like 'Wind City', so the controller says:

 

"November Seven-Zero-One Charlie, p[Mod - Happy Thoughts] Wind at 5000ft".

 

3 second pause, controller and other pilots realise what he has just said, and everybody on the frequency bursts into laughter.

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I was flying into Seattle one night and David Norris was on Center. I had the frequency on speakers instead of headset, so my wife and I could hear everything that was going on. (I was trying to demonstrate to her what flying online is like) All of a sudden, my wife goes, "David says the word, 'niner' sexy!"

 

Needless to say, I find this pretty humorous and I tell him what she said via text. A few minutes later, here's David's voice on the speakers: "United 3501, current altimeter is two, NINER, NINER, NINER." He made his voice all seductive and he sounded like he was some kind of man-whore or something...I about died laughing.

ZSE ATM and I1

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