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[FUN] Share your funniest moments at VATSIM!


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A quiet flight, on a very high level somewhere up in Northern Europe. One of these huge centers where you know that there are lots of pilots on the frequency, yet not much chatter, only a handoff in a while, or a descend.

 

Suddenly, somebody must have jammed push-to-talk-key, or was on voice-activated (back in Roger Wilco days), as there began constant, heavy breathing on the channel. Nobody reacted, and it went on.

 

CHHHHHHRRRR

 

CCHHHRRRRR

 

CHHHHHHHH

 

And after a while: "Stockholm Control, hi there, Darth Vader checking in at flight level 5100, with you"

 

Cue much laughter on the frequency. The mysterious breather wasn't too obstructed, as he continued rattling and panting into the dark Swedish night.

 

BEn

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Me on MSP_CTR: "Mooney 775F, Rochester (KRST) at your 12 o'clock, and 13 miles, report it in sight." N775F: "75F has the field, requesting touch and go" Me: "Mooney 75F, Rochester winds calm, runway

some piper in the pattern and i was the controller

 

TWR: "ABC123, best forward speed, rwy 24R clr to land"

ABC123: "clr to land 24R, we'll show some legs"

 

APP: "ABC123, would you like to declare an emergency?"

ABC123: "negative we have it under control"

APP: "roger, turn right heading 060 intercept runway 9R localizer"

(notices ABC123 descending through 2500 quite rapidly and GS reads 20 on a 737

 

APP: "ABC123 turn right heading 360"

(notices pilot starts turning left)

APP: "ABC123, raise your right hand"

ABC123: "rgr, now what?"

APP: "turn that way"

Pablo Norambuena

AAC/ZAU/ZAK

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Hello real and virtual PICs !

 

Explanations: In Canada, all plane's call signs are:

Old ones I know = CF-### maybe CG-###_?

ULM ones - C-I###

2005 ones = C-F### and C-G###

 

That's why MY virtual (wrong) call sign is C-JEAN...

It's Canada style call sign...but the J should not be used...

 

Can you imagine the funny words we can use, after the C- ??

 

C-GROS = It's big.

C-FSEX = YES YES, the proof is there in the URL's changing images:

http://imaginair.csp.qc.ca/accueil.html

C-FOUS = is crazy.

C- ...your turn.... B-)

 

= here it is =================================

I rent Cessna 172Ns from Cargair, at the St-Hubert, CYHU airport.

And in this part of America, we speak english and french.

And, that was a REAL life (french spoken) one ! :

 

I was in CYHU tower's zone. I don't remember if it was

IN or OUT of the zone... No matter.

 

Then I heard a question, that **raised** my level of listening:

 

The tower asked: "Is your plane a boy or a girl ?"

 

I can imagine the pilot's face, full of ???? all around ! !

 

I don't remember how the pilot answered, but I remember the

tower asking: "In your call sign, is it Foxtrot or Golf"

 

F = fille = girl.

G = garcon = boy.

 

Here is the part where you laugh [ _____] B-)

 

Blue skies.

I'm not driving too fast..!? I'm flying too low!

SEE the DVDs "What the BLEEP?! down the rabbit hole!"

P4, 2.6ghz, 1Gb RAM, 256mg ATI Radeon.

Here's Juliett Echo Alpha November, over.

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I made a lot of funny expiriences at VATSIM - especially the privatchats between the other FIR-Controllers are allways very funny

 

But the funniest thing i remember is this one:

 

After two months without any time to fly or to controll, I wanted to fly from Zurich to Olbia with the PMDG 737.

ATC was online on the whole route and so I looked up the Route in the FlightplanCenter (fpc.vacc-sag.org).

Everything went fine and so I prepared my landing.

Olbia (LIEO) has one Runway 06/24 and i got cleared for a Visual Approach 06.

So i looked up the charts and - I don't know how it came - I had mistaken the runways.

I was on approach for runway 06 (the right one and became the landing clearence), 2nm inbound i started to turn right of on a visual circling to runway 24 (which i thought to be rwy 06).

After a smooth touchdown, I was surprised how smooth the landing was especially because it was the first one after two months.

Then the Controller asked me, if I had any problems becaus he saw me landing at 24 - I realized what I did.

I felt very embar[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ed, but the controller didn't take it to serious...

At least the touchdown was smooth

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Hi, real and virtual PICs!

 

Is your wife/girl-friend always interrupting you on final,

with strong cross-wind, at 150-200' from touch down????

 

Here's one way to deal with the virtual version:

 

www.cossacks.de/english/cossacks/addon1.php3

 

and Download: cossacks-aow.zip(848 KB)(MPEG-Video)

 

VERY VERY FUNNY ! I promise !!

 

You will not regret it !!

 

Quiet skies and houses !

I'm not driving too fast..!? I'm flying too low!

SEE the DVDs "What the BLEEP?! down the rabbit hole!"

P4, 2.6ghz, 1Gb RAM, 256mg ATI Radeon.

Here's Juliett Echo Alpha November, over.

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I think I gave some controllers a wee laugh the other night.

 

I often don't fly because my skills are not high and crashing is quite common for me.

 

Out came the trusty Airbus 320 and I took off from NZCH and never quite got airbourne. Crashed on takeoff.

 

I came back and tried again. This time....airbourne and flew very well to NZWN when I tried to land. Oh dear....a go around was necessary. I then came in for the second attempt. Yep, crashed on landing.

 

Perhaps I should stick to the radar screen, but then there would be no fun in that, would there?

 

Beverley

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Without a doubt, the strangest moment I had in Vatsim was in Vatil early days, and this is more or less what was heard on LLLL_CTR frequency:

 

Tel-Aviv this is XXXX.

XXXX Go ahead sir.

XXXX at haifa bay, requesting clearance to Tel-Aviv.

XXXX say position again?

I am at Haifa bay, 2 nm off shore.

XXXX SAY WHAT?!

XXXX: I am a ship docking at Haifa bay, requesting clearance to Tel Aviv harbor.

Tel-Aviv center: xxxx did you ever heard boats calling control centers? what do you want me to do with u?

XXXX: I asked for clearance.

LLLL: cleared to sail...

 

I have some real world stuff also - reality may beat simulation often, trust me

Next time i'll share some of it...

Ilan Jonas

Senior Instructor-I3

Former Vatsim Africa/Middle East Region Director(2004-2012)

http://www.vatame.net

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Well I don't know if this is really fun or not but i'll tell you about anyways. I was doing a flight for a certain Irish va about two weeks ago from Dublin to the Isle of man. Took off from Dub everything was going fine and I got switched from Dub tower over to egns approach. The controller gave me a descent to FL70, no problem and I descended. Few minutes later the controller said

egns app=abc123 descend to 2600ft, call established and contact egns tower.

ME= descend 3600ft and contact twr

 

And even after me say the wrong alltuide he never corrected me. Switched to the tower with about 8nm to go to runway26 and all of a sudden I got a private message from egnsapp saying "must be my old mic but i actually said descend to 2600ft"

"no problem I said it was probably my own fault" Suddenly a big dash to get the plane on the right glideslope and the twr says "abc123 cleared to land rwy26"

Me=" cleared to land 26, thanks very much good night"

 

Then it dawned on me why did I say good night I''ll be asking him to taxi in a minute,Oh well. I guess it didn't really matter as the contoller logged out about 5mins later

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I once had a pilot at EDDS who requested "shootdown" instead of "shutdown". I had to tell him that unfortunately we do not offer that kind of service...

 

LMAO! I like that

 

This wasnt me but I heard it on my listening of RW Atc (yes im a nerd I know )

 

"Jetbluexxx descend and mantain 5000"

"Roger, down to 5, how you doing today approach?"

"Can't complain here, I work for the government....okay United..."

 

I cracked up for so long after hearing that

Andras Kiss

NYARTCC Controller 3, NYARTCC Mentor

NYARTCC [Mod - Happy Thoughts]istant Webmaster

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This one took place back in November 2003 at EDDL (Duesseldorf, Germany). I wasn´t the GND-Controller at that time but monitored the frequency and watched the scene unfold on my scope. I nearly wetted my pants when this happened....

To get a better understanding of what happened, you may want to have a look at the groundcharts of EDDL, available at http://vacc-sag.org/?PAGE=airport_info (then choose "EDDL" at the "select airport" menu and look up the groundcharts).

 

Anyway, the story is about a KLM pilot who apparently happened to land in EDDL for the first time ever and got totally lost. However, he didn´t seem to mind that fact and just kept on merrily taxiing around, causing true havoc and almost shutting down the entire ground traffic in the process.

 

The KLM was a 737, and to protect the guilty I changed the callsign to something unsuspicious. So here´s the conversation that took place:

 

-----

 

KLM1234: Good evening Ground, KLM1234 vacated via Bravo, request taxi to the gate

 

EDDL_GND: Good evening KLM1234, welcome to Düsseldorf. Taxi to gate Charlie 44 via taxiway Bravo, Mike, Quebec and report on blocks please. Give way to p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ing company traffic on taxiway Mike, a Fokker 50.

 

At this very moment the KLM-Fokker already p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]es the KLM 737. The 737 starts rolling and makes the readback in the process.

 

KLM1234: To gate Charlie 44 via Bravo, Mike, Quebec, will follow company traffic on taxiway Mike. KLM1234

 

The 737 pulls out of taxiway Bravo and follows the Fokker on taxiway Mike

 

EDDL_GND: Uhhh..... KLM1234 negative, I said give way to company traffic, not to follow him. You´re going in the wrong direction!

 

KLM1234: Oh...

 

EDDL_GND: KLM1234, turn right on taxiway Sierra and taxi over the apron to your gate, caution traffic on apron

 

KLM1234: uh... okay, will turn right on taxiway Sierra and taxi to my gate using own caution, KLM1234

 

The KLM keeps on taxiing straight ahead. He p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]es Sierra, he p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]es Tango, he p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]es Charlie...

 

EDDL_GND: KLM1234, did you copy my instructions? You were supposed to turn right on Sierra, that was three intersections ago...

 

KLM1234: Sorry Ground, I don´t have any ground charts on board

 

EDDL_GND: Okay KLM1234, do you request progressive taxi instructions?

 

KLM1234: Yeah Ground, that would be nice. KLM1234, request progressive taxi instructions.

 

EDDL_GND: KLM1234, turn right on next taxiway, taxiway will be Delta. After right turn on Delta turn right again at the first possibility, taxi across the cargo apron. Keep going straight ahead until leaving the cargo area and approaching the terminal area, call me back when leaving the cargo apron for further instructions.

 

KLM1234: turning right to Delta, next right, straight ahead, will call you when leaving cargo apron, KLM1234.

 

The KLM actually manages to pull into Delta, crosses the cargo apron, keeps rolling straight ahead, leaves the cargo apron and calls back the controller just like instructed

 

KLM1234: Ground, KLM1234 is leaving the cargo apron, request further taxi instructions

 

GND doesn´t immediately call back because he has to handle a whole bunch of other aircraft and is quite busy. The KLM doesn´t mind und keeps rolling, but instead of going straight ahead he turns into taxiway Tango and from there into taxiway Mike. The controller has a free moment (as well as nearly a heartattack) and calls the KLM

 

EDDL_GND: KLM1234, report position please?!?

 

KLM1234: I don´t know, I told you I don´t have groundcharts on board, KLM1234

 

EDDL_GND: KLM1234, are you moving in a southwesterly direction and do you have a runway immediately to your right?

 

KLM1234: Yep, that´s me, KLM1234

 

By now the KLM has p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ed taxiway Sierra

 

EDDL_GND: KLM1234, HOLD SHORT IMMEDIATELY, do NOT move! Break break, DLH1234, turn right on taxiway Romeo, then left over the apron, then via Sierra back to Mike and continue to holdingpoint 23L

 

The KLM stops and the DLH swings over in order not to hit the KLM and rolls onto the apron

 

EDDL_GND: KLM1234, when you are lost, stop and ask, don´t keep taxiing.

 

KLM1234: Roger, I´ll remember that for the next time, sorry.

 

EDDL_GND: KLM1234, turn left on taxiway Quebec, that will be the second one from your current position. Once you are on that taxiway you will see Terminal Charlie, it is the last one on the left side. Taxi to a gate of your choice at that terminal and report on blocks please.

 

KLM1234: Okay, left on Quebec, that´s the second one from here, then to Terminal Charlie, gate of my choice. KLM1234

 

The KLM starts taxiing, manages to catch the correct taxiway, but then pulls into a gate at Terminal Bravo instead of Charlie

 

KLM1234: Ground, KLM1234 is on the blocks, request leaving of frequency.

 

EDDL_GND: KLM1234, you are at Terminal Bravo now, but that is fine with me, doesn´t matter. Leaving of frequency is approved, have a nice stay in Düsseldorf, Sir.

 

KLM1234: Wrong terminal? Oops... Just a second, I´ll push back again

 

...says it and pushed back, only to miss an LTU Airbus A330, which just p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]es behind him on its way to the runway, by a few inches

 

EDDL_GND: ARGH!

 

A330-Pilot: Whoa!

 

KLM1234: Ooops...

 

The KLM keeps on pushing back, makes a 180°-turn and taxies to the open parking ramp where it gets stuck in between some CRJs and ATRs

 

KLM1234: Umm Ground, where was that Terminal again? I think I need progressive taxi instructions again.

 

EDDL_GND: Actually KLM1234, you know what? Just stay right where you are, put your parking brakes on and don´t move anymore. I´ll send out some busses to pick up you and your p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]engers...

Cheers,

Andre Koch

Director VACC-SAG

[email protected]

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Hi there,

 

This is a real story. It happened while I was working LFPG North Ground sector. You have to understand that CDG's Terminal 1 is a nightmare not only for p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]engers, but also for Controllers ... and pilots !

Here's the beast ...

 

ihnp-522193.jpg

 

In dark blue, the one-way Alpha taxiway, that loops in and out of the terminal and its seven satellites. In lighter blue, the "gates" or "entries" via which you leave Alpha to your stand. For example, entry 9 up there leads to stands W6,7 and 8, and to X4. There's one special entry at the bottom, just before the bridge : entry 16 leads to inner Alpha taxiway and to every satellite's stands 1 to 3, such as stand Uniform 3 (U3) marked by a red dot.

Wonderful isn't it ? Incidentally, British Airways had left Terminal 1 for Terminal 2 a few months before all this.

 

It's about 9:30am I think, and ACA880 has just landed.

 

ACA880 : Good morning ground, ACA880 clear of 27L going to U3.

 

GND : Good morning ACA880, taxi via Mike and Alpha, but you're going to U4 [note : green dot ] via entry 3

 

ACA880 : ... understand via M and A ... and confirm stand U4 ? We were told U3 ...

 

GND : Affirm ACA880, there's a company 767 on U3, you get U4

 

ACA880 : Oh, alright, Alpha gate 4 to U4 ACA880

 

GND : Negative sir, gate 3 to U4 ACA880

 

ACA880 : Uh, ok gate 3 for U4, 880 ...

 

He doesn't sound too sure of himself, so I watch him closely for a while... He enters Alpha from Mike, green arrow on the left ... Good, he gets past entry 16 without going in. Time to speak to the other guys ...

 

BAW305 : Ground hello, BAW305 on November for 27L

 

GND : Hello BAW305, continue via November, Delta and holding point Kilo 7 for 27L

 

BAW305 : Continue via N and D for K7, 27L, BAW305

 

GND : [OMG what's he doing] eeer ACA880 ....!?!!!????

[ACA880 has stopped about 15 meters past entry 3, the green arrow on the right]

 

GND : erm, ACA880, you can't turn onto entry 3 any more, can you ?

 

ACA880 : Um ... uh, that's a negative ACA880 ...

 

GND : Well ... sorry but there's no other way in [honest !], you'll have to taxi all the way around A and join entry 3...

 

ACA880 : ... ooookayyyy, around A, 880 ...

 

Another couple of messages, then the frequency goes very quiet, with ACA and BAW and another english-speaking pilot (BRT, BA City Express I believe) taxiing around. Then ACA880 is nearing satellite Zulu, for the second time today ...

 

ACA880 : Ground ACA880 ... I can confirm your Teminal 1 looks very pretty !

 

BAW305 :

 

BRT123 : yeah right !

 

At least he wasn't too upset

 

I'm sure I've got more stories, I'll post as I remember them ...

 

Cheers,

Romain

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In Holland we have several lifeliner helicopters they provide extra trauma surgery support on accidents etcc...(just like the HEMS)

On this night approach and tower were on-line and it was rather busy.

 

Lifeliner1:Approach, Lifeliner1 is entering the Schiphol CTR, switching to TWR good day...

Schiphol Tower... Lifeliner one is entering the CTR from the west, onwards to Schiphol-East for refuelling...

EHAM-TWR...no reply

Schiphol Tower Lifeliner one is entering the CTR from the west, onwards to Schiphol-East for refuelling...

And so still no reply.

 

So I switched back to APP, and checked in and I asked if he could contact TWR on a private message since I was flying a helo and you can't fly a helo and chat too . He said he would do that and I was cleard own discretion to the field.

So I followed the correct procedures of helicopter arrivals on SPL.

 

But suddenly.... I got a PM from TWR

 

Schiphol Tower: Lifeliner1 immediately disconnect! You're not following the rules, you're just slewing around causing many problems

Lifeliner1: Schiphol Tower calm down..I'm a helicopter flying from the west to the east following all the rules and was cleared to enter the field

Schiphol Tower: ....uh..I see a helicopter...right..well you're cleared to land now on 22

 

You see...not everyone expects a helo in the CTR

 

 

Greetz! Evert

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Visit the Holland Aviation Site here

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ok... this happened yesterday with an absolute noob.

 

LIMM_V_APP: HB-XXX, radar contact. your intentions?

HB-XXX: request to leave.

LIMM_V_APP: HB-XXX, leave?

HB-XXX: how to contact you?

LIMM_V_APP: HB-XXX, sir... you're still contacting me

HB-XXX: sorry about that all

LIMM_V_APP: HB-XXX, could you please report your intentions?

HB-XXX: first time flying on your server

HB-XXX: VFR to LSZB

LIMM_V_APP: HB-XXX, ok LSZB is in the other direction, proceed inbound it and please mantain yourself 1000feet above the ground

HB-XXX: roger goodbye. and sorry

LIMM_V_APP: HB-XXX, don't go

LIMM_V_APP: HB-XXX, stay on this, mantain yourself 1000' above the ground

HB-XXX: please confirm not leave the freq.?

LIMM_V_APP: HB-XXX, affffirmative...

Red over white, you're all right.

Italy vACC proud supporter

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not as much funny as it is frequent... many pilots hear what they wanna hear

 

Here in Chile, many SID's end over a mandatory position-reporting fix. No matter if the aircraft is being vectored to that point or just flying the SID, when reaching the fix this happens a lot:

 

LANxxx: Crossing LINER FL140

APP: LANxxx, rgr, resume own navigation, contact center 126.300

LANxxx: rgr, going direct CAR (!?), switching to unicom

 

or even worse, even if you don't give a freq change:

 

CTR: AALyyy, turn left hdg 050 direct YESOS, resume own nav

AALyyy: direct DOZ (!!?? that's three waypoints away... on another country!!, hehe), thanks for the great service, bye.

(pilot goes to unicom and seems a little confused when asked to check back in)

 

not a complaint... it just amuses me to see how all of us humans hear what we'd like to hear instead of what's being said

 

cheers!

Javier Larroulet (C3) - Chile vACC

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(pilot goes to unicom and seems a little confused when asked to check back in)

 

you're right. In reality (at least here in italy) when an at says "resume your own navigation to ABESI" it means that the pilot after ABSI has to join his planned route...

 

when i wanna leave somebody i say "radar service is terminated, frequency change approved"

 

just my 2 euro-cents

Red over white, you're all right.

Italy vACC proud supporter

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