[FUN] Share your funniest moments at VATSIM!

[Ian Duke 814240]

Romain -- interesting story about Air Canada in Paris.

 

I don't blame the pilots for being confused though. The airport authority switched terminals with absolutely no notice from the nice, new one to the dumpy Terminal 1 (rendering the airline's executive lounge useless). I'm glad AC is back in the proper terminal now, though.

[Stephen Sculley-Beaman]

I was controlling ohare a few days ago for an AAL hub fly in, and we had about 25 planes for departures and a few for arrival. Active was 9L and 9R and planes were calling me from about 3 miles out on approach when I already had a damned plane on the runway, so these guys were calling me at 2 or 3 mis out when they were told to contact me at about 10 miles out. so I would have one AAL plane on 9R and next thing i knew we had a guy ready to touch down just now asking for clearance. Bet the AAL guys were having the laugh of there lives on their company channel, if that was the group flying :Lol:

Edited June 28, 2005 at 03:01 PM by Guest

[Lennart Vedin]

Well more like did take place at home during Vatsim flight.

 

I had no intention to explain my wife what hobby I had start just after receiving our new internet connection, since she is not interested no matter what conserning my hobbies.

 

In the middle of an exciting busy approach at the first event after 2 weeks flying at Vatsim:

 

Wife: Can you change the bulb in livingroom now, it's broken.

EDDM ATC: Scandinavian 202 Please accomplish the decent to FL070.

Me: I'm a little busy right now, please can you wait a little and be quite . Decend and maintain FL70 Scandinavian 202.

Wife: You don't look busy. You just sit and speak with a computer again ( ) , isn't it little ridiculous to speak with a computer "Scandinavian bla bla" ( ).

EDDM ATC: Scandinavian 202 Decend and maintain 2800 feet, turn right heading 240, report establish at localizer. Clear for approach runway 26 right.

Me: What do you mean speak with a computer, I speak with real people it's an organization of 65000 people we fly together at internet there is no pause to push . Didn't copy can you repeat please Scandinavian 202.

Wife: Oh really , ok sorry then.

[Javier Larroulet]

hehehehe, did you eventually take care of the lightbulb after landing??

 

related info: check thorough discussion on lightbulbs and lamps HERE

[Michael Hermes 893329]

Happened yesterday at EDLP:

 

Pilot filed a plan without any cruising altitude in it, so I asked:

 

"What is your requested flightlevel?"

 

After a while the pilot answered:

 

"flightlevel = cadet"

[Matthew Kramer]

Happend late one night while controlling PHX_V_APP

ME:ABC123, turn right 3-0-0 Direct BANYO on the SCOTTSDALE5.

ABC123: Right 3-0-0 to the bathroom, to join the DEP, and drop off some cargo.

ME: ABC123, please leave the blue where it belongs.

*laughter*

It was late!

-Matt

P.S. For those who don't know BANYO in spanish is bathroom (or similar varients there of).

[Grant Christensen 810317]

turn right 3-0-0 Direct BANYO

 

Hi Matthew, just a query for you, would you not use that phrase as that is two conflicting statements. Turn right 300, then direct banyo. You would either issue Turn right 300 to intercept planned route, or Turn right direct banyo. By the time he makes his turn to 300 Banyo (suburb in Australia BTW) may be heading 301 for example.

 

Just based on my experience in Oz, so not sure how it is handled in the US?

[Matthew Kramer]

It could be, I agree. However at that moment, when he rolled out of the turn, he was allighed with the ISEC. I could be wrong in my wording, not exactly sure. I'll go read the referance materials again.

-M

[Terry Kocher 919807]

While doing Ashville Approach I got handed VVA123 who was inbound to KAVL - the center controller at the time had descended him to 3000, but if you have ever flown around KAVL you know that it is mountainous, and I am partly at fault because I didnt compare his altitude with the MVA's in the area because I thought Center had already done so.

 

Here is the estimated transcript (I didnt record the real one, it was too sudeen):

 

VVA123 = Ashville Approach, Virginia 123 with you at 3000 inbound to Ashville.

 

Me = Virginia 123, roger expect the ILS runway 16 approach, altimeter 3006.

 

VVA123 = Expecting ILS 16, 3006 on the altimeter, Virginia 123.

 

***About a minute goes by***

 

VVA123 = *calmly* Approach we're going to crash.

 

Me = Ohh...mountains - is there anyway you can pull up in time??

 

(I finally looked at the MVA chart for the area and in his area the top was 8,700 and he was reported at 3,000 -- there was no way...he was going to stick it in some trees just southeast of KAVL).

 

VVA123 = nope..just tell that old lady in that house behind me sorry I took her roof off...thanks for ATC g'night.

 

Me = .....roger

 

-- Always stressful to me when we loose an aircraft in a mountain, especially when he is almost to the airport --

 

But now I look at it in a funny sort of way.

[Ross Carlson]

turn right 3-0-0 Direct BANYO

 

Hi Matthew, just a query for you, would you not use that phrase as that is two conflicting statements. Turn right 300, then direct banyo. You would either issue Turn right 300 to intercept planned route, or Turn right direct banyo. By the time he makes his turn to 300 Banyo (suburb in Australia BTW) may be heading 301 for example.

 

Just based on my experience in Oz, so not sure how it is handled in the US?

 

The way I learned it, it depends on the aircraft equipment. If they have RNAV, then you can just say "cleared direct BANYO" and no heading is needed, since their RNAV equipment will figure out the heading automatically. Some controllers still give the heading just to give the pilot a heading to turn to while programming the direct fix into the FMC.

 

If the aircraft doesn't have RNAV, then you need to give the pilot a heading towards the VOR so that he can get close enough to pick up the VOR, then track it in direct. In that case, the phraseology would be "turn right 3-0-0 direct Albany when able" ... in other words, if the pilot is too far from the VOR, then he might not be able to pick it up right away, so he flies a heading of 300 until he can pick up the VOR and track it in. In the case of fixes like BANYO, I'm not sure what real world controllers do. On VATSIM, I always give the heading so that the pilot can at least start turning in the right direction while he programs his autopilot for the direct waypoint.

[Owen Catherwood 903683]

The way I learned it, it depends on the aircraft equipment. If they have RNAV, then you can just say "cleared direct BANYO" and no heading is needed, since their RNAV equipment will figure out the heading automatically. Some controllers still give the heading just to give the pilot a heading to turn to while programming the direct fix into the FMC.

 

Ross, I believe "cleared direct" is only used if you're issuing a new clearance en-route, but want them to proceed direct a point on their old FP for the time being. I think "proceed direct" is more appropriate in this case.

[Matthew Kramer]

Works for me. I just said "direct" Will add "proceed" in there from now on

[Jim Machintosh 880828]

I believe the proper phaseology for this situation is: "ABC123, fly heading 300, when able proceed direct BANYO flightplan route" At least this is what I use.

 

Usually I give this heading on takeoff. "After takeoff flying heading 300, winds XXX at XX, runway 21, cleared for takeoff."

[Ross Carlson]

The way I learned it, it depends on the aircraft equipment. If they have RNAV, then you can just say "cleared direct BANYO" and no heading is needed, since their RNAV equipment will figure out the heading automatically. Some controllers still give the heading just to give the pilot a heading to turn to while programming the direct fix into the FMC.

 

Ross, I believe "cleared direct" is only used if you're issuing a new clearance en-route, but want them to proceed direct a point on their old FP for the time being. I think "proceed direct" is more appropriate in this case.

 

Well, technically "Cleared direct" is used when amending the route, such as when giving the pilot a shortcut to byp[Mod - Happy Thoughts] some waypoints, or like you said, when issuing a new route. It is also used when giving a full approach clearance (cleared direct IAF, cross IAF at/above xxxx, etc.) But yeah, if BANYO is the first waypoint in a route, and the pilot is just being told to join his route then fly as filed, "proceed direct" would be better, since the pilot has already been cleared to BANYO, he just hasn't been told to join his route yet. (I [Mod - Happy Thoughts]ume that's what was going on in the above quoted radio calls.)

[Matthew Kramer]

Spot on.

[Neal Glassett 843825]

Well this page isn't so funny anymore.

 

Here's my humor from tonight:

 

Me: ABC123, how are the brakes? (aircraft was careening off the end of the runway)

Him: They're fine. We're just gonna stop at the 7-11 here.

Me: Well, when you're done, pull a 180 back to taxiway Alpha and to parking.

 

 

Neal

[Ross Carlson]

Haha ... that reminds me of one here at Boston. The aircraft overshot the end of the runway and went into the harbor:

 

Me: "ABC123, welcome to Boston, we're sending out the divers."

Pilot: "I think it's gonna take full power to get back to the taxiways..."

[Stephen Sculley-Beaman]

This just happened on TWR at ord....I just had to put this on lol

 

FP Comments: Emergency return

So naturally, i said

ORD_T_TWR : N1234 I see you are on emergency return? Do you require any emergency services?

N1234: No not an emergency

 

So next thing i know i see this in his fp:

DON'T.GET.TOO.EXCITED.TOWER!

 

ORD_T_TWR: N1234, make sure you stick around sir I enjoy a pilot with a sense of humor!

N1234: RGR clear of 9R

N1234: Thank you

 

my god I enjoyed that. He can comeback anytime lol that was great!

[Garry Morris 920567]

At the TGIF last week, I was sitting on the ground at KSNA shortly after landing, admiring the stack coming in for 19R. I noticed a Cactus flight coming in, and watched him land...and run right off the end of the runway. He seemed to be sitting kinda funny.

 

Over the radio, something like...

 

"Cactus XXX, you appear to have gone off the end of the runway..."

 

response:

 

"With all the checklists, you'd think I'd remember to put the gear down..."

[Alex Brault 931841]

At the TGIF last week, I was sitting on the ground at KSNA shortly after landing, admiring the stack coming in for 19R. I noticed a Cactus flight coming in, and watched him land...and run right off the end of the runway. He seemed to be sitting kinda funny.

 

Over the radio, something like...

 

"Cactus XXX, you appear to have gone off the end of the runway..."

 

response:

 

"With all the checklists, you'd think I'd remember to put the gear down..."

That had me laughing for about 5 minutes nonstop

[Keith Smith]

I remember having this exchange with a pilot at KSAN. The pilot was just finishing his landing rollout on rwy 27...

 

"and PSAxxx is down..."

 

"sorry to hear that, sir, maybe this'll cheer you up, exit next left and taxi to the gate"

 

I need to joke with pilots on a nightly basis to keep my sanity when it's busy. If I don't get to amuse myself at some point during a 5 hour shift, I start getting a bit grouchy.

[Andras Kiss 888081]

At the TGIF last week, I was sitting on the ground at KSNA shortly after landing, admiring the stack coming in for 19R. I noticed a Cactus flight coming in, and watched him land...and run right off the end of the runway. He seemed to be sitting kinda funny.

 

Over the radio, something like...

 

"Cactus XXX, you appear to have gone off the end of the runway..."

 

response:

 

"With all the checklists, you'd think I'd remember to put the gear down..."

Wow thats hilarious! (Mostly for me cuz i have FS2Crew and LDS 767 and more so checklists are such a part of life) love this thread.

[Todor Atanasov 878664]

At the TGIF last week, I was sitting on the ground at KSNA shortly after landing, admiring the stack coming in for 19R. I noticed a Cactus flight coming in, and watched him land...and run right off the end of the runway. He seemed to be sitting kinda funny.

 

Over the radio, something like...

 

"Cactus XXX, you appear to have gone off the end of the runway..."

 

response:

 

"With all the checklists, you'd think I'd remember to put the gear down..."

That had me laughing for about 5 minutes nonstop

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....me too

[Jim Machintosh 880828]

I was working Phoenix Approach, on a busy night. We had a full stack, so we had pretty much continuious traffic flow. I'm from Canada and have a "Canadian" accent (if you want to call it an accent )

 

So a pilot calls me up from the ground, somewhere, wasnt anywhere near my airspace, and starts yelling in Spanish. I'm busy handing out vectors for all sorts of traffic, but manage to get most of the information out of the Spanish call.

 

Sounded something like this:

 

Spanish Pilot: "¿El Enfoque de Phoenix, buenas noches, AWEXXX pregunta si usted proporciona el servicio en español?"

 

Me: "Delta 1123 heavy, turn right heading 180 for traffic, break, Cactus 7283, turn left heading 080, vectors downwind, break, El llamamiento del avión, el Enfoque de Phoenix, buenas noches, yo no proporciono el control del tráfico aéreo los servicios en español, arrepentido señor, break, US Air 323, radar contact, turn right heading 360, vectors ZEPER, climb and maintain 7000, expect higher in 5 min... etc."

 

Spanish Pilot (in depressed voice, speaking in English ) "Oh, okay..."

 

I had constant laughing on my frequency for about 5 minutes!

[Garry Morris 920567]

Love it Jim!