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[FUN] Share your funniest moments at VATSIM!


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[08:01:31] URRR_TWR: what?

[08:02:47] URRR_TWR: ???

[08:03:07] EURS_FSS: what what ?!

[08:03:56] URRR_TWR: you override

[08:04:47] URRR_TWR: You listen to me!

[08:05:01] EURS_FSS: Negative sir

[08:05:06] EURS_FSS: Not me

[08:05:38] EURS_FSS: Is it blue or red ?

[08:05:43] EURS_FSS: the callsign ?

[08:05:46] URRR_TWR: red

[08:06:12] EURS_FSS: r u sure ? .... maybe pink ....

[08:06:26] EURS_FSS: Pink is the "requesting a break" ( .break command)

[08:06:36] EURS_FSS: Means I am closing soon

[08:06:59] URRR_TWR: oo...sory pink

[08:06:59] EURS_FSS: If you saw me Red then it would be an override

[08:07:02] URRR_TWR: sory

[08:07:08] URRR_TWR: sory

[08:07:17] EURS_FSS: no problem, have a nice day !

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Hellenic vACC | Olympic Air Virtual

Europe Region Director 2001-2011

Pilot: P5 | ATC: C3

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Me on MSP_CTR: "Mooney 775F, Rochester (KRST) at your 12 o'clock, and 13 miles, report it in sight." N775F: "75F has the field, requesting touch and go" Me: "Mooney 75F, Rochester winds calm, runway

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Last night after i left CZWG_CTR i spent some time on APP.

 

*ACA589 is out of CYWG headed out to the west)

Pilot: Terminal, ACA589, MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY THE AUTOPILOT IS NOT WORKING!!!! (Pilot squawks for emergency)

 

Me: ACA589, roger, turn right heading 180 and i'll bring you back in

 

Pilot: WE CANT TURN! WE CANT TURN!!!

 

Me: Sir, what do you want me to do?

 

Pilot: Oh nevermind, emergency cancelled, i forgot to turn the dang thing ON.

Matthew Cianfarani
Vice President - Network Infrastructure
VATSIM Board of Governors

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Last night after i left CZWG_CTR i spent some time on APP.

 

*ACA589 is out of CYWG headed out to the west)

Pilot: Terminal, ACA589, MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY THE AUTOPILOT IS NOT WORKING!!!! (Pilot squawks for emergency)

 

Me: ACA589, roger, turn right heading 180 and i'll bring you back in

 

Pilot: WE CANT TURN! WE CANT TURN!!!

 

Me: Sir, what do you want me to do?

 

Pilot: Oh nevermind, emergency cancelled, i forgot to turn the dang thing ON.

 

Thats funny in a way, but more annoying as a controller than anything.

VATSIM Supervisor

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This one is similar to a AVWeb Short Final I believe. Once when working a fairly busy evening on GND/DEL, I was getting tired and was getting close to signing off. As I was working both Ground and Delivery, I was fairly busy issuing taxi instructions and clearances. When one aircraft called me for clearance and another immediately called for taxi, I said something like this:

 

 

Me: BAW123, clearance on request. AAL456, taxi to London via KILO SIERRA, hold short 4L.

 

Pilot: Uh sir, confirm instructions for AAL456? We don't have enough fuel to taxi to London.

 

(a slight pause)

 

Me: AAL456, my apologies sir. You can taxi to Runway 9 if you prefer. Kilo and Sierra, hold short 4L.

 

 

We had a good laugh about this one afterwards. Needless to say, I logged off soon after and took a long nap.

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Yep,

the taxi to london was good fun.

These are the situations i am starting to communicate a bit loose (and these moments start when i go online):

 

CTR: "DLX turn right 030"

DLX: "roger, turning right 3030, DLX"

CTR: "DLX, i won't be online that long..."

 

or more simply:

DLX: "would like to leave cockpit for 2 minutes"

CTR: "yeah, catch a beer for me too, report back in cockpit"

...

DLX: "back"

CTR: "... and where is my beer?"

 

CTR: "active runway: 23"

DLX: "roger, aktive 32"

CTR: "Sir, confirm you would like 32, let me know, in this case prepare for a longer hold, we have to build this one"

 

Life is that easy.

Flo

Florian Harms

VATSIM Europe Division / DCRM

Supervisor

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Me: BAW123, clearance on request. AAL456, taxi to London via KILO SIERRA, hold short 4L.

If you fly real world between Amsterdam and London you spend so much time taxiing (especially if the new runway at Schiphol is in use) that it sure as hell feels like they're driving there instead of flying.

Creator of VATSIM Monitor, a sidebar gadget for Windows Vista.

 

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A couple of yeares ago i had a new pilot flying into a busy EHAM from the south. We were using runway 06 for landing that evening. As some of you know, about 16NM south of EHAM lies EHVB (Valkenburg) Wich also has a 06/24 runway.

 

Here goes, i issued a decent to 2000ft and a clearence to intercept the ILS on present heading. After a short while i noticed that the pilot was lining up for 06 EHVB. So i told him that he was about to land on the wrong airport. The pilot started a little discussion that he was on the ILS for the right airport. He didn't listend to my calls and landed on EHVB. After a minute or so he called to me.

 

Pilot: Schiphol Approach, where did al the planes on the groud go?

Me: There parked at a different airport sir.

Pilot: ...........

Pilot: Approach, request shut down.

 

One time i was flying local north of EHRD under controll of EHRD_TWR. North of EHRD lies The Hague and i was flying VFR toward Scheveningen to check out the virutal people on the beach . There are some restricted airspaces there because of the royal familly. I know that, but not the precise places. After a short periode of time, TWR called me on the frequency to report that i could expect a big fine due to crossing restricted airspace, with best regards from the queen.

 

Not long ago, EHAM changed the intersection names of runway 18C/36C. All the pilots are used to cross at W3 to taxi to runway 18R/36L, but now its called W5. Some pilots dont read the ATIS but listen to the controllers instructions but halfway they get occupied by some nice stewardess that the forgot what the controller said about the new intersection names. You can hear them think when they approach W5.

 

Same goes for the addon scenery 18R/36L.

 

Via text.

ATC: ABC123, confrim you have the new ADDON scenery runway 36L?

123: yes sir, i have.

ATC: Reads out IFR clearence

123: Reads back the clearence

123: Request push and start.

ATC: ABC123. push and start approved.

123: Request taxi.

ATC: ABC123, taxi to V4 runway 36L via Bravo, report crossing 18C at W3 (this was before they renamed the intersections)

123: Copy/past the taxi instrucitons

 

After a couple of minutes.

 

ATC: ABC123, cleared to cross at W3.

123: Sir, i can't. There's no taxiway at the other end.

 

It's funny at first, but it gets annoying after 10 pilots in one evening.

Just a little reminder for all the pilots. 13 March 2008, there changing some SID's for the runway 18C/36C (Airac 0803)

 

Ok, one more.

 

Me: ABC123, Your leaving my airspace, frequency change approved, no ATC for now, bye.

123: Roger, wich frequency should i change to sir?

Me: Unicom server on 122.80

123: Roger, bye

 

After 5 minutes.

 

123: Sir, nobody is responding on 122.80.

Me: ABC123, Unicom is a textbased server for pilots in area's where there's no ATC online.

Me: So you can switch back to Unicom on 122.8

123: Roger, thank you.

 

123: Sir, there stil nobody responding.

Me:

Cobra ready to strike

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Happened right now in the Saturday Scramble at Toronto, working Toronto Ground.

UAL2185 turned onto D3 after a runway change when the end of the runway is D.

UAL2185 is holding short of 24R.

UAL2185, can you accept an intersection departure?

Is it mandatory sir?

UAL2185, you're holding short 24R on D3.

Rgr, sir, would you like me to change to another taxiway sir?

UAL2185, negative, contact Toronto Tower 118.7.

Jody Turner - I1

Toronto FIR - Facility Engineer

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just looked on Servinfo for controllers on line and happen to see an aircraft coming out of Toronto. HEMP420.Uh. This could be interesting. Looked up the pilot. He's flying into Montiego bay, Jamaica. Go figure. It gets better. Cargo listed as ALOT! I could hear a controller. Sir please say your altitude. Dude, I'm sooooh high! About fell off my chair @ work. Crazy Canucks!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I had an experience where an new pilot asked where the paper towels were on the airport so he could wipe his windshield off. He started getting angry with me, no joke. I called over a supervisor and lets just say he didn't get to look for any towels...

 

Before he was disconnected he said, "Maybe LAX will have some paper towels!"

 

I felt like PMing whoever was working ZLA and giving them the heads up.

Alex "AV" Vainer C1

Los Angeles ARTCC

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I'm a victim of my own love for sports. In the last 2 weeks, I have had sessions where I put in my text ATIS something in the lines of: "Advise on initial contact if you prefer the New York Islanders to the Montreal Canadiens". Of course, in such situation, if they ever let through that they prefered the New York Islanders, or any other team that was playing the Canadiens that certain night, well I'd tell them to take a 120 turn to the right or something similar, declaring "vectors to nowhere". Of course, I'd come back a few seconds after, the pilots either somewhat amused or completely puzzled, declaring that it was a joke. Except twice, once was the Canadiens-Islanders game night, or more recently today during my stint as Moncton Center with a "Go Liverpool, Down with Man United" type of ATIS, did I get pilots have animated discussions on my frequency about who was the better of the two teams. Thank God, for CTP it didnt last very long, but the first time, it lasted a good 5 minutes and I couldnt do anything but listen, laugh, and transmit instructions on my frequency via text.

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My personal favorite that I still get a laugh out of happened when I was working DFW_E_TWR. I have a P-51 request VFR clearance to.........somewhere. Well I told him the normal VFR stuff, then said taxi to runway 18L. Well he pushes, starts taxing, and calls me "Ready for take-off 18L". I look at my scope, he's only 2 intersections north of 36R. I told him that was the wrong end of the runway, please turn around, turn left on FOXTROT and go to 18L. He reads it back, turns around, then taxis ALL the way across the airport to runway 35L. Now I start shaking my head. I tell him that thats the wrong runway again, to taxi to 17R via L. Well now I have to close down and my replacement signs on. I'm still on TS with VRC closed and the replacement pops into our channel saying something along the lines of "What the hell did you tell him to do?" I told that I gave him instructions to taxi to 17R via L, and then he said "Well he's going back to 36R". Glad I wasn't still on TWR. Then shortly before I sign off of TS, the TWR controller pops back in to tell me the guy made an "emergency take off" without clearance.

AAL518 "I just saw a shooting star!"

VIR22 "Are you sure that wasn't BAW3?"

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2 occasions I can remember both while controlling.

 

One of my first mentor sessions on APP was vectoring an aircraft into Glasgow (EGPF) and notice him turning towards prestwick, next hting calls established 23 Glasgow. So I tell him you are actually final 21 at Prestwick but if you wish i will usher the sheep off the runway and you can land there.

 

That one is maybe a bit more british (scottish) humour

 

Another mentor session on approach, had an aircraft do a go around so put him right onto downwind.

 

Mentor: are you sure you want to put him on that heading...?

Me: not anymore

 

there are numerous others but are more the result of being completely hyper at 2 and 3 in the morning so I am sure most can imagine those sorts of goings on lol.

 

Craig

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Lol Chris, I think I remember watching this from APP. Weve had some pretty good ones.

Last night I was working REG APP at DFW. We had a new pilot come on wanting to fly VFR to the west. After hearing TWR gave me the heads up that he was new and may need some help I turned on his freq to listen to how much help would be needed. Well I learned rather fast. When the aricraft NXXX got to the end of rwy 18L he comes on and says "TWR NXXX can I park my plane here for a moment sir, I need to go pee!" At this point our whole ARTCC is tuned in to the channel and all of us are dying on TS. All the while the aircraft is taxiing in circles on the taxiways, so TWR comes on and says "NXXX you can park it right there and go do your thing, let me know when your back and ready for departure." He leaves and comes back. After taking off, TWR hands him to me, once I get him I tell him the usual stuff, radar contact, cleared through the B at or below 6500, turn right,departure to the west approved, resume VFR navigation. Apparently he only understood the first part of what I said up to turn right. He is already turning right to the west but asks me to repeat the whole clearance, I repeat including right turn right dep to the west etc. So he turns right again, now facing north. He says roger. I then notice that he is heading north, I tell him, "Sir I needed a right turn and then you could fly westerward to your airport." he comes back and says "roger right turn" He then starts turning again, and at this point our CIC decides to take over since he was listening and wants to get him out of the airspace as the SUP's had suggested. (He was talking to them because he logged on with his callsign being something inappropriate and with his comments the same. They gave suggestions as to further action and thats what he was following.) Well the pilot is not understanding fully so our CIC explains in lamens terms. The pilot then says okay I got it, he then turns right again doing a 450 deg turn, now he is facing west. At his point all of the controllers except the CIC who is trying to deal with him are laughing so hard non of us could control. After a while we get him squared away but this is one of the recent experiences ive had.

Zach

ZFW

ZFW ARTCC

C3 Controller

Go Steelers!

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  • 1 month later...

Me on MSP_CTR: "Mooney 775F, Rochester (KRST) at your 12 o'clock, and 13 miles, report it in sight."

N775F: "75F has the field, requesting touch and go"

Me: "Mooney 75F, Rochester winds calm, runway 13, clear for the option"

*75F reads back*

 

A few minutes p[Mod - Happy Thoughts], I scan my sector and watch Mooney 75F land and see his groundspeed tick down to 000.

 

Me: "Mooney 75F, Minneapolis Center..."

N775F: "Center, 75F"

Me: "Mooney 75F, show you at zero knots on the runway, intentions?"

N775F: "Center, 75F, we landed gear-up."

Me: "Mooney 75F, roger. I'll go ahead and consider that an IFR cancellation...your IFR is canceled at 2055z, radar services terminated, frequency change approved. See you again soon!"

  • Haha 1

Dhruv Kalra

VATUSA ZMP ATM | Instructor | VATSIM Network Supervisor

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Ooh I once made an idiot of myself while controlling....

 

A little info first; This happened while I was on Vancouver Centre a month or two ago during an event. I was making myself dinner in the oven when this happened, and had set the timer to let me know when to take the food out... well... after two hours of hearing a beep every 10 secs it finally hit me what the beeping was:

 

Me: Air Canada 342, maintain FL340, turn left direct Whatcom, flight planned route.

ACA342: FL340, left direct Whatcom, 342.

WJA798: Good afternon Centre, Westjet 798 at Victoria, IFR to Calgary.

Me: Westjet 798, Vancouver Centre, Good afternoon. You're cleared to the Calgary airport via the Vic...tor...i...a-oh [Mod - lovely stuff] the oven!

 

(I run to the oven to shut it off. 30 secs p[Mod - Happy Thoughts], I have no idea what was said on freq here)

 

Me (back on freq): And that, everyone, is why this model of oven shuts itself off after 10 minutes if the timer has reached zero. Westjet 798, clearance.

WJA798(sounding like he was about to start laughing any second): Go ahead, sir.

 

 

Although a little dry, the dinner was okay, luckily.

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I1 - CZVR

Help controllers maintain their sanity; file a correct equipment code http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equipment_codes

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After making flights into an airport that have a tower controller online, I like to take out the FSX ultralight ( http://www.flightsimulatorguide.com/img/fsx-ultralight.jpg ) and perform crazy maneuvers like the 50 foot takeoff and landing, 30 knot approach, and 100 ft. traffic pattern. It usually gives them a good laugh seeing me land on a runway and taking the very first taxiway as my exit without back taxiing, or taking off of a runway using the width instead of the length. I always get the clearance first and most of them are interested to see any aircraft perform such feats

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  • 1 month later...

Thread revival!

 

This was when flying with the Delta VA event from SLC to JAC (Jackson Hole, WY)

 

DALxxx: "We've got no flaps, no gear, just two engines and a yoke."

SLC_AB_CTR: "Great, so you're a real pilot now."

----------------------------------------------------------

(responding to a plane who was low on fuel)

SLC_AB_CTR: "DALxxx1, what's the status on the motion lotion?"

 

LOL

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I had just departed Miramar in an F-18 going to practice some AAR with another vMarine who was in a KC-130. LAX CTR was online and had just given me vectors to the MOA, I was with the KC130 Driver on TS also. KC130 Called up for IFR Clearance, but hit the wrong PTT and broadcasted over TS, I just said "Wrong button." He then immediatly came over the CTR Freq saying "Oh, S***! Oops sorry! Request IFR to...

Laughed at that one a while

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I had just departed Miramar in an F-18 going to practice some AAR with another vMarine who was in a KC-130. LAX CTR was online and had just given me vectors to the MOA, I was with the KC130 Driver on TS also. KC130 Called up for IFR Clearance, but hit the wrong PTT and broadcasted over TS, I just said "Wrong button." He then immediatly came over the CTR Freq saying "Oh, S***! Oops sorry! Request IFR to...

Laughed at that one a while

 

 

My funniest moment, wasn't on vatsim but ill share it with yall anyway, well it here it goes, i was doing my pilot training at YMMB and i taxxied, and when i was at the hold short point, i went,Moorabbin Tower, and i was trying to get Oscar Lima Sierra outta my mouth,but instead i said otca,lima,sierra, i said it 3 times!,and i'm like, oh jesus, and the ATC controller who took my call probably wet his pants at the end of my transmission...

 

 

Lak

SWA1501

Lak Singh

Remember: When in doubt, ask!

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