[FUN] Share your funniest moments at VATSIM!

[Stephen Sculley-Beaman]

One of the funniest moments (for the pilots -.- ) was when I was on FLL tower this week at about midnight or so. The ATIS was updating every other minute, driving me nuts. So I go to record the ATIS, not knowing my PTT is stuck. Fortunately, its only a friend from ZMA listening in while flying

 

 

So...for about 2 minutes straight....

 

"Fort Lauderdal...Lauter...oh **** *grumbles*

Fort Luaderda..Lauderd...damnit....

Fort Lauderdale information Alpha...err...Bravo...er.."

 

That's why I type out my ATIS first. Spares me soap in the mouth and 5 minutes

 

 

My all time favorites are from KS though. Too lazy to dig them out.

[Seth Laws 1023369]

So...for about 2 minutes straight....

 

"Fort Lauderdal...Lauter...oh **** *grumbles*

Fort Luaderda..Lauderd...damnit....

Fort Lauderdale information Alpha...err...Bravo...er.."

 

lol, sounds like something I would do, too!

 

I think the funniest things I've done on vatsim are nowhere near as funny as your, but here're mine. these took place yesterday, the second one, on my ILS exploration (learning )

 

1. I was John F. Kennedy, had everything going well up to getting airborne. My plane wouldn't pull up to above the horizon line. I take a look around my cockpit and the only thing I see are my ILS settings still on, but autopilot no engaged so that it takes over. keep trying to pull up to no avail, and in doing so, freaked my computer out to the point that my sim starts to reduce visibility to increase the frame-rate. So I decide to just let my plane fall into the sea, with about 7 controllers, online, two controlling JFK at the time. I told the departure controller that I had switched over to that my comp decided that my plane needed to be sacrificed and if I can restart my FP.

 

2. ILS went well for me on the first time for runway 22L at JFK. I land decide to do another flight, JFK to ISP, and then back to JFK. I was on my way back to the ILS start, roughly 12NM from runway 22L. I lineup and engage my ILS, when right in the middle of it, I notice I'm going to be way off when I touch down, about 2NM from the start of the runway. I opened another window to watch a quick replay of my lining up and see I'm only at 1,500ft, when 2000ft, works best from that point. I managed to disengage the ILS 3/4 of the way to the runway, but stilled missed by a good 500ft.

[Thomas Wand]

Seth, those two are not funny, they are just a proof of bad airmanship. Fly your aircraft without the autopilot, and only once you can do that, start adding automatic flight. Flying is not just typing the controller's instruction into the FMC and watching as it goes.

 

Some time ago in Zurich. Arrival was just about to fall asleep due to a lack of traffic, I didn't have anything to do on Final either. We looked up from where the next aircraft would come and decided what instructions he would get. Then we divided them into logical groups and when the pilot came onto his frequency, Arrival and myself would give the instructions on a turn by turn-basis.

 

BHP123, Zurich Arrival, identified... ... information alpha is current ... ... vectors ILS 14 ... ... tun left heading 320 ... ... descend 6'000ft, QNH1013.

 

Pilot's readback: Did not copy, please say again. Some fool talked in between all the time.

[Seth Laws 1023369]

I said I'm still learning. I've only attempted three ILS landings, the rest are all manual, and I don't use autopilot unless it's a 3 hour flight, and even then I stare at the screen the whole way, and disengage the autopilot to change altitude.

[Gray Taylor 1041931]

I said I'm still learning. I've only attempted three ILS landings, the rest are all manual, and I don't use autopilot unless it's a 3 hour flight, and even then I stare at the screen the whole way, and disengage the autopilot to change altitude.

Really, unless you're flying heavy metal, the ILS should be flown manually.

[Jason Baxter 920557]

XPRT25: We'd like to do some practice approaches at LAS before continuing to Nellis, will you be able to accomidate?

APP: We can accomidate those approaches, what did approach are you requesting?

XPRT: We'd like the ILS25R approach, then the RNAV19L, and the VOR-DME approach if theres time.

APP:Rgr, would you like fries with that?

XPRT:huh?

LAS: Nvm...Fly heading 100 vectors for the final approach course.

XPRT: 100, and actually we'd like a Shake with that approach.

*On the landline with TWR*

APP:XPRT25, rqst I5R,R9L,VOAc25L, and get working on that Shake would ya!

TWR: Huh?

*upon returning to LSV*

APP: XPRT25, exit the runway when able, taxi to parking, when you reach the stand theres gunna be a guy name Mike in a yellow coat, he's got your drink.

XPRT:ROFL

[Eric Szczesniak 1011649]

Really, unless you're flying heavy metal, the ILS should be flown manually.

 

Definitely. In fact, I'd say even heavy metal approaches should be flown manually unless visibility is starting to close down and you need to be prepared for CAT II/III.

[Richard Walsh]

I heard this yesterday. While flying

 

 

XXX123 : "request destination change to CLE "

 

XXX CTR: "Rgr, do you have a route in mind into CLE"

 

XXX123: " Yeah like come in from like the southeast like, and land"

[Stephen Sculley-Beaman]

[22:48:21] MIA_GND: FDX000, cleareld LAX via WINCO1, WINCO, then as filed. Maintain 5000 expect FL260 one zero minutes after departure. Departure with center squawk 1301

 

[22:49:30] FDX000: rgr c/m 5000 expect fl260, sqwk 1

 

[22:49:33] FDX0: 301

 

[22:49:45] MIA_GND: FDX000, readback correct. Call for taxi, p and s approved

 

[22:49:58] FDX000: rdy to taxi to runway

 

[22:53:51] MIA_GND: FDX000 taxi 8r via November Mike, call holding short if I don't call first.

 

[22:54:24] FDX000: rgr

 

[22:58:27] FDX000: permmsion to go on 8R

 

[22:59:01] MIA_GND: Oh jeez.....FDX000, you're already on it. Contact center 132.250, ground is stepping away for a butt rippin' by center, cya.

 

[22:59:32] FDX000: cya

 

That was a few days ago when I was controlling at Miami. Its amazing how often pilots taxi across 8r, go to 8l, and then say they're holding short of 8r

[Jason Baxter 920557]

Some pilots are intimidated by complex IFR clearences. But this is the strangest reaction I've ever had.

 

LAX_1_TWR: MSP000, cleared to KLAS, via runway heading , radar vectors LAX040R.KELSE.DAG.CLARR.LAS direct, maintain 5000, expect 12000 five minutes after departure, departure frequency 124.5, squawk 1003

 

MSP000: i have no friends

 

MSP000: brb

 

XXX_TWR: MSP000, neither do I, thats why Im always on vatsim

[Stephen Sculley-Beaman]

Wow....just wow.

 

"MSP000, readback correct, call for therapy 118.3 cya"

[Timothy Boger 942264]

I like how you used the callsign MSP...that's inaccurate, some of us actually do have friends.

[James Harvey 959593]

I was flying out of SFO on the night of the FNO, now I live in the UK so it was like 1am Local time, and I was shattered...but continued anyway. I was, whilst talking to ATC, getting instructions from the Live Dispatch Center on Teamspeak.

 

After I departed and contacted departure, I couldn't hear a word of what he was saying, so I shouted "Dispatch, shut up for a second", now of course, being as tired as I was, I hit the wrong CTRL button, after I realised I said to myself..."ah [Mod - lovely stuff]", followed by a swift "FUS754, repeat last message" from DEP.

 

[Stephen Sculley-Beaman]

Don't worry James, I've done worse

[James Nicholson 1043826]

ok so i was flying out of KPHX with low fuel going to KTUS and it ended up like this....

 

TWR-SWA125 clear to land 29R

ME- TUS TWR clear to land 29L

TWR SWA125 not 29L 29L (thats not a mistake he said 29L)

ME- affim. 29L

TWR- 11L!!!!!

ME-..........TWR ur making me confused is it 11L,29L,or 29R??

TWR- 29R

ME- roger 29R

TWR- SWA125 scratch that 29R is closed..slide over to 29L...

ME- .....(AAAAARRRRGGGG) ok TWR 29L for SWA125

[Jody Turner 1018734]

Was flying out of LAX and heard a pilot call, it went kind've like this.

The aircraft, lets call him 123 calls in.

"123, where's your location?"

"LAX centre, my location is... hold up"

"My location is (a bunch of random letters?)"

"Rgr, that is not in my airspace, change to advisory, good day"

"I read that back, reading you loud and clear"

"123, that isn't in my airspace, change to advisory, bye"

"uh... what's advisory?"

"122.8"

"Rgr"

Comes back later...

"Centre, where all the controllers at?"

[Agaguk Jarin]

[deleted]

Edited January 26, 2023 at 03:41 PM by Agaguk Jarin

[Jonathan Pallmann 1350868]

My moment was more sad then scary. I remember I was on approach at LAX when I was new, I knew nothing about planes hahaha. This was around February 2016 or so. (or 2017 I forget) But LAX_04_CTR (Think his name was Sheyrar) was: BLAHBLAH141 do you have the ILS? Me: What is an ILS? LAX_04_CTR: BLAHBLAH141 Do not come back to this network (something along those lines) until you know how to use your plane. Me: "Having tears stream down my eyes whilst slightly sobbing: Um, ok, sorry" I watched videos on how to ILS for 3 hours that evening. and to this day I STILL do not know how to use an ILS

[1275389]

...to this day I STILL do not know how to use an ILS :P

Perhaps consider joining an ATO to instruct you on how to learn how to conduct different instrument approaches. A lot of times, new pilots rush into a fast, heavy commercial jet without much basic knowledge. When it comes time to handle basic functions of their aircraft, they fail to perform due to their overexcitement and lack of knowledge.

I suggest taking a look at VATSTAR. They have many instructors who can help you work towards expanding your knowledge on VATSIM and obtain pilot ratings.

 

EDIT: reviving a 9.5 year dead topic :mrgreen:

[Nicolas Vanruysseveldt]

happened today on the freaky friday event with one of my controllers:

- ABC123, [clearance] initial climb flight level 60
* Initial climb 6000ft, ABC123
- ABC123, initial climb FLIGHT LEVEL 60, transition altitude 4500ft
* Initial climb 6000ft, transition altitude 4500ft, ABC123

switch to DEP/APP, ABC123 departs, gets transferred by TWR:
* Brussels Departure, ABC123, passing flight level 23

Edited July 9, 2021 at 09:01 PM by Nicolas Vanruysseveldt

[Thimo Koolen]

On 7/9/2021 at 10:58 PM, Nicolas Vanruysseveldt said:

happened today on the freaky friday event with one of my controllers:

- ABC123, [clearance] initial climb flight level 60
* Initial climb 6000ft, ABC123
- ABC123, initial climb FLIGHT LEVEL 60, transition altitude 4500ft
* Initial climb 6000ft, transition altitude 4500ft, ABC123

switch to DEP/APP, ABC123 departs, gets transferred by TWR:
* Brussels Departure, ABC123, passing flight level 23

Just wait until they call in at flight level 6000.

[Tobias Dammers]

On 6/27/2008 at 9:18 PM, Eric Szczesniak 1011649 said:

Definitely. In fact, I'd say even heavy metal approaches should be flown manually unless visibility is starting to close down and you need to be prepared for CAT II/III.

AFAIK, flying the approach on autopilot is perfectly fine. You just shouldn't use autoland unless cleared for a CAT-II/III approach.

You also don't upgrade the approach type from what you've briefed and set up - that's not how it works. If you've briefed a CAT-I approach, then you see it through; if it turns out that visibility isn't good enough, you don't start fiddling with your knobs to upgrade to CAT-II, you go around, have yourself sequenced in again, and do it properly.

[Dace Nicmane]

(the original conversation happened in Russian)
Moscow, Russia. A busy Center frequency is managed by a confident S3. Professional communications are going on in both English and Russian. Suddenly a pilot asks:

Do you see an airplane, though?

Controller: Where? (pause) Which airport?

(pause)

Another pilot: I think he is in Vnukovo.

Pilot: Yes.

Controller: Yes what?!

Pilot: May I fly a bit?

Controller: Where?

Pilot: Well, here and there...

(...)

Controller: You don’t get to fly today.

The pilot tried it again after a controller change. The next controller told him not to get on his and his colleagues’ nerves. I guess they had a history with this guy.

 

[Dace Nicmane]

Cross the Pond Eastbound. Boston is a departure airport.

BOS_TWR: Delta 21 heavy, runway 33L, line up and wait.

DAL21: 33L, line up and wait, and we're not a heavy, Delta 21.

BOS_TWR: Delta 21, of course I have it. 99% of my guys are heavy today. You - no, you're skinny.

(after a couple of minutes)

BOS_TWR: Delta 21, previous departure - uh, some sort of aircraft... a heavy Airbus A330, caution wake turbulence, wind 350 at 6 knots, runway 33L, cleared for takeoff.

Edited January 4, 2022 at 11:25 PM by Dace Nicmane

[Dace Nicmane]

BOS_CTR: Delta 8891, traffic 12 o'clock, 35 miles, opposite direction, Boeing 757, FL370, caution wake turbulence.

DAL8891: Climbing to FL370, Delta 8891.

BOS_CTR: No! that's the altitude the traffic is at, if you climb to that altitude, you're gonna hit him. Delta 8891, you need to maintain FL360.

DAL8891: Copy that, Delta 8891 maintaining FL360.

BOS_CTR (to the other aircraft): Delta 1355, traffic 11 o'clock, 30 miles, opposite direction, Boeing 737, restricted 1000 feet below you, we hope.

Edited January 4, 2022 at 11:19 PM by Dace Nicmane