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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


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Should be noted that upon checking in with the approach controller, that pilot never did check in with the ATIS either... Mind boggling indeed with how many years we've had that tool available for and how few people seem to grasp the relatively simple concept of it.

Andrew James Doubleday | Twitch Stream: Ground_Point_Niner

University of North Dakota | FAA Air Traffic Collegiate Training Initiative (AT-CTI) GraduateGPN_Horizontal_-_Tertiary.thumb.png.9d7edc4d985ab7ed1dc60b92a5dfa85c.png

 

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It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

A usual occurence on Heathrow, slightly worrying some members can't seem to operate a comp[Mod - Happy Thoughts]   ATC: BAW123, Push and start approved, face North. Pilot: Push approved, face Nor

:lol:

 

Me: please verify your squawk 0718

 

P: roger, sqk 0718.

 

P: Ground, 0718 is invalid, 0718 is invalid

 

Me: callsign, how come? please set your transponder to 0718 as soon as possible

 

P: Ground, 8 doesn't exist.

 

*speechless*

 

*speechless*

Romano Lara
vACC Philippines, Manager - Training & Standards
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Some of our pilots use Wilco. And this plane tends to change its mind every now and then. A few days ago:

 

TAPXXX, is proceeding as filed. Suddenly he starts turning left into an opposite direction.

 

Me: TAPXXX, confirm diverting?

TAPXXX: Er.... standby..... what?

Me: TAPXXX, confirm that you are diverting?

TAPXXX: Standby, standby! ... Negative we are now resuming...

 

Miguel

Miguel Frias

Senior Instructor (I3) & Certified Pilot (P4), ZLA I-11 graduate

Portugal vACC Training Director (ACCPT2), VATEUD Operations Director (VATEUD8)

Portugal vACC, VATEUD, VATSIM

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1:

 

Airline 123: "Approach, can we descend now? We're getting close to the field. I don't want to waste your time."

Approach: "Airline 123, negative. While I appreciate your thought, but we have flows and procedures to follow. I promise you, we know what we're doing on this side."

 

(Thinking: At this point I can only waste my own time. And I wasn't holding him at that altitude in blind followership of the SOPs. There was traffic on approach to another field below.)

 

This was one of two pilots who used the same 'time' comment in 10 minutes. I have a feeling, though, that this latter one used it because he heard another pilot use it.

 

----------

2:

 

Pilot: "Approach, we have the field in sight."

App: "Airline 123, Confirm you have the river in sight. A straight in approach from your present position will get you a free formation flight with some cool looking planes with pointy objects under their wings."

Kyle Rodgers

 

The content of this post, unless expressly written, refers only to those procedures in the United States of America,

following the Federal Aviation Administration Regulations thereof.

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1:

 

Airline 123: "Approach, can we descend now? We're getting close to the field. I don't want to waste your time."

Approach: "Airline 123, negative. While I appreciate your thought, but we have flows and procedures to follow. I promise you, we know what we're doing on this side."

 

(Thinking: At this point I can only waste my own time. And I wasn't holding him at that altitude in blind followership of the SOPs. There was traffic on approach to another field below.)

 

This was one of two pilots who used the same 'time' comment in 10 minutes. I have a feeling, though, that this latter one used it because he heard another pilot use it.

 

----------

2:

 

Pilot: "Approach, we have the field in sight."

App: "Airline 123, Confirm you have the river in sight. A straight in approach from your present position will get you a free formation flight with some cool looking planes with pointy objects under their wings."

 

I actually overheard this communication. There are many more examples that could have been listed.

 

I personally liked:

 

ATC: "Welome to XXXX, exit right when able and taxi to the ramp."

 

...short pause....

 

Pilot: "Can we exit the runway now?"

 

Great patience Kyle... I would have lost my mind much sooner...

Mark Bott / I3 - 1100894

NYARTCC Training Administrator

Program Manager for Events - Staff Specialist

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Great patience Kyle... I would have lost my mind much sooner...

Thanks Mark.

 

There were a few facepalm moments. There are two times I'll hesitate before keying on frequency, in general: 1, last minute flightplan or chart lookup; and 2, composure (from laughing at a pilot's joke, my joke, or anything else; frustration; or just pure and simple speechlessness).

Kyle Rodgers

 

The content of this post, unless expressly written, refers only to those procedures in the United States of America,

following the Federal Aviation Administration Regulations thereof.

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:lol:

 

Me: please verify your squawk 0718

 

P: roger, sqk 0718.

 

P: Ground, 0718 is invalid, 0718 is invalid

 

Me: callsign, how come? please set your transponder to 0718 as soon as possible

 

P: Ground, 8 doesn't exist.

 

*speechless*

 

I had a similar moment a week ago as a pilot, took me a while to convince ground that I couldn't acctually set an 8. I also remember almost a year ago, I was controlling at a fly-in and had a pilot who had some trouble hearing me. As I recall it sounded something like:

 

"ABC123 [enter clearance here], squawk 6047".

"Tower, ABC123 [readback with incorrect squawk".

"ABC123 confirm squawk 6047"

"squawk 6045"

"negative, 604-7"

"squawk 6044?"

"negative, 604----7" (starting to lose patience as a relatively new controller with many aircraft waiting)

"squawk 6048, ABC123"

"readback correct" (yes I did know he couldn't set it).

 

 

It wasn't exactly correct behaviour of me, in my defence I texted the squawk to him later and I've controlled him many times after that without incidents (he's a regular visitor to Swedish airspace and I'm always happy to see him there) . But I guess my patience wasn't as good back then as it is now

Johan Grauers

Event Coordinator - vACC Scandinavia

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Somewhere over Scandinavia, at my destination, ATIS was hosted by GND at destination, so I picked up the ATIS and being too proactive

Me: CTR, XXXXXX has Foxtrot on board.

CTR : XXXXXX, thank you very much, but please return it to GND on reaching your destination, I am sure he will be looking for it!!

Me: (after falling off my chair and returning as calmly as I could...) Wilco

 

CTR was none other than Mr. Florian Harms

When is your next Flight||VATSIM HitSquad Member, ZOA/ZAK/P1

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Here's another good one:

 

Pilot:Dulles tower, NXXXX requesting to land

Me:NXXXX, Dulles tower, good evening, say location.

Pilot:Over Virginia

Me:Can you be any more specific, what is your distance from the field and altitude

Pilot:About 20 miles from JFK

Me:Are you landing at dulles?

Pilot:No, I'd landing to land at jfk.

Me:This is Dulles tower.

Pilot:Ok.

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Now that's one I have to remember for next years april fools. It'd be intresting to see what the next controller says when the 12th pilot reports up with

"KLM85F with you, FL340 and we prefer carrots please".

Johan Grauers

Event Coordinator - vACC Scandinavia

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Now that's one I have to remember for next years april fools. It'd be intresting to see what the next controller says when the 12th pilot reports up with

"KLM85F with you, FL340 and we prefer carrots please".

 

Heavy french accent

"Wiean raidar koet efening , zis zis french pozt for toe ait flight leveeel zree zeven zero and we like ze peaz pleaze"

/Heavy french accent.

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Centre: Air Canada XXXX descend and maintain FL 180

ACA: Request Lower

Centre: *In a lower Voice*-ACAXXXX how is this?...Descend and maintain 120

 

Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.

ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.

 

Tower: "Height and position?"

Pilot: "I am 6 foot 2in and I'm sitting.

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Here's another good one:

 

Pilot:Dulles tower, NXXXX requesting to land

Me:NXXXX, Dulles tower, good evening, say location.

Pilot:Over Virginia

Me:Can you be any more specific, what is your distance from the field and altitude

Pilot:About 20 miles from JFK

Me:Are you landing at dulles?

Pilot:No, I'd landing to land at jfk.

Me:This is Dulles tower.

Pilot:Ok.

 

Wait-Over VA, 20 miles from NYC? More confusion!

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Lol the things you experience on EBBR_APP or EBBU_CTR:

 

Pilot: Brussels Control, XXX123 at stand 503 requesting IFR to Brussels.

Me: XXX123, confirm you want an IFR to Brussels?

Pilot: Yes I am at London Heathrow.

Me: Sir this is Belgian airspace, and I only cover Belgium & Luxemburg.

Pilot: Yes but I want to fly IFR to Brussels.

Me: Contact Heathrow Director for that please.

 

Sometimes you think pilots do some strange stuff..

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Last year or so:

 

 

MSP_CTR: [Callsign, here] Contact Chicago Center 127.8

Pilot: Over to Windy City, Chi Town Center 27.8 See Ya

Pilot: Windy City Center, [Callsign] .....

 

 

 

or the one I [sarcasm] love [/sarcasm]

Pilot: Chicago Tower, [insert pilot request here]

ORD_TWR (me):XXXX, Chicago Tower does not exist. This is Ohare Tower.

 

Ah Chicago

ZAU S-2, Major Certified

ZAU S-1 Mentor

(Disclaimer: the post above does not necessarily express the opinion or stance of ZAU or ZAUs training program, this view is made by me and me alone)

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I love the random "Yeah, he is." "Are you kidding me!?" "Unbelievable." That's what happens when pilots forget to use the company comms button for company comms and broadcast on my frequency instead.

 

Pilot: "Denver Center, am I going to hit a mountain?"

Me: "NXXXX, no you're not."

Me: "Expect FL340 10 minutes after departure." (Trying not to embarr[Mod - Happy Thoughts] the pilot about filing an invalid altitude.)

Pilot: "But we filed for 330, can I get that?"

Pilot: "Center, just wanted to let you know that I'll be declaring an emergency before landing."

Me: "Sounds like a plan."

(Via PM with another controller, from the vZDV Forums):

[02:10:03] DEN_I_APP: (ASE) isn't an easy one. In this weather it will be a real challenge. We have a pot of coffee on at KDEN if you can't make it in.

[02:10:08] AAL718: yes i saw that on the chart. thanks for the advise. thank God this is virtual and not real

[02:16:09] AAL718: the winds are not favoring a landing on rwy 15

[02:16:30] DEN_I_APP: KASE always lands 15 due to terrain

[02:16:48] DEN_I_APP: you can try to circle, but there is not other approaches

[02:17:33] AAL718: figured that when did not see an appr for 33. . do you think that is why smaller aircraft are recommended

Undisclosed pilot after a .contactme: "[02:50:04] holy [Mod - lovely stuff]... i was afk , no idea how my plane took off"

Well I'm at FL310 and my altimeter is 29.92. maybe your radar is malfunctioning.

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not ATC to pilot but pilot to pilot. thought i'd share.

 

coming into ATL on left downwind 28 *metar shows 220 @ 7+kts*

 

PRIVATE>AFA**** : tfc. is going the other way man

PRIVATE>To AFA**** : did you read the metar?

PRIVATE>AFA**** : look at flight aware. REal life landing east. current winds.looks like it is shifting though

PRIVATE>To AFA****: not what i asked. they do it in real world due to many things.

 

 

ya gotta love pilot controllers and all the while, traffic going in and out on both ends with no issues except this one pilot that wants to play ATC

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(Whilst on TWR)

Aircraft (B744) just airborne p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ing 600ft - "Mayday Mayday Mayday Call Sign all engines gone, request vectors for ILS approach and emergency landing.........."

 

Aircraft self positioned turned a 15 mile final landed safely and taxied to gate - top gliding captain !

David James

VATSIM Screenshot Contest Coordinator

Intel Core 2 Quad CPU Q6600 2.4gig, RAM 3.25gig, ATI Radeon HD4800, XP Pro SP3, FS9.1 FSnav FSinn VRC

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"[callsign], resume own navigation, position 3000nm south west of Singapore, track direct to Singapore, flight planned route" (or one of the cities around singapore).

 

What else but a GPS Direct flight plan

 

 

Some really good quotes on here. Love the Dhruv Kalra comparison with "FAA and i'm here to help"

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