The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.

[Dave James 1018738]

A chap called final to land and I gave him landing clearance.

At the outer marker he seemed to pause, after a minute I called him with no responce.

A further two aircraft landed after I advised them that an aircraft had seemed to be frozen at 4 miles on the approach, they were happy to continue.

 

At that time I checked for a SUP but none seemed to be about.

 

No other traffic inbound for a while I had a stream of outbounds so forgot about the chap frozen on final.

20 mins later, the frozen one started moving again, landed and reported vacated.

 

Iasked if he had a PC problem and he replied with "?", so I queried as to why he had paused on a 4 mile final, he replied "ah, my mum called me for tea".............

 

I gave up asking silly questions after that

[Bob Carmona 993591]

Had an approach student tell an aircraft to "Turn right and proceed direct to the Lesbian VOR". How he got that from LBV/La Belle, I have no idea.

[Dhruv Kalra]

Had an approach student tell an aircraft to "Turn right and proceed direct to the Lesbian VOR". How he got that from LBV/La Belle, I have no idea.

 

Reminds me of the time I had a pilot read back "Cleared direct Bellaire (AIR)" with "Yo Holmes, to Bel Air!". That really dated me.

[David Baker 1004102]

Me to paused aircraft: You appear to have a 200KT headwind.

Paused aircraft: Roger, we're increasing Ground speed now.

[Tom Uytterhoeven 1151895]

Had an approach student tell an aircraft to "Turn right and proceed direct to the Lesbian VOR". How he got that from LBV/La Belle, I have no idea.

 

Reminds me of the time I had a pilot read back "Cleared direct Bellaire (AIR)" with "Yo Holmes, to Bel Air!". That really dated me.

Hahaha xD

[Kyle Rodgers 910155]

Reminds me of the time I had a pilot read back "Cleared direct Bellaire (AIR)" with "Yo Holmes, to Bel Air!". That really dated me.

Good times. In the cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts]es I teach, there's always some obscure 80s/90s movie reference, or TV show, as appropriate.

 

That reminds me of any time I have someone on Center heading to ZTL - there's an FML VOR down there. Then again, ZDC has the EPICS intersection, along with STUKK, which is an SOP holding fix. You can guarantee I'm itching to use that one...

[Brendan Lynch 1167842]

FML=Fort Mill SC baby former home town & South Carolina High School Lacrosse Champs!

[Andrew Martz]

Haven't controlled yet, but heard this while listening in on PHX_APP on liveatc.net

 

"NXXXXX, radar contact 5 miles east of the Awahtukee golf course. Cleared through the cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts] bravo airspace."

 

Its funny, because there are 4 golf courses in Awahtukee!

[Ross Carlson]

Haven't controlled yet, but heard this while listening in on PHX_APP on liveatc.net

 

"NXXXXX, radar contact 5 miles east of the Awahtukee golf course. Cleared through the cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts] bravo airspace."

 

Its funny, because there are 4 golf courses in Awahtukee!

 

Might be that only one of them is a VFR reporting point. No idea ...

[Dan Everette]

Might be that only one of them is a VFR reporting point. No idea ...

 

I was thinking the same thing since using a golf course as a generic point of reference in the Phoenix area is like using a particular grain of sand on a beach.

 

In fact it is a visual reporting point, just south of PHX at the split of the East/West VFR corridors.

[Kyle Rodgers 910155]

In fact it is a visual reporting point, just south of PHX at the split of the East/West VFR corridors.

Yeah, I was just thinking that, so I checked:

http://skyvector.com/?ll=33.33898021323774,-111.9798294353378&chart=121&zoom=3

 

I never dealt with anyone on the south end, because I worked with a flight school out of DVT, so all of their references were north-end points.

[Jake Sims 1158411]

Got this one the other day:

Me-XXXX, wind 270 at 12, runway 25R, cleared for takeoff

Pilot-rgr, good day sir

Me-XXXX, Sir, you are departing off of the wrong runway

Pilot-oh no ! iam so srry!

Me-XXXX, change to advisory frequency approved, so long

Pilot-bye bye

Edited June 29, 2011 at 04:20 AM by Guest

[Tom Uytterhoeven 1151895]

Pilots -> training

Controllers -> Training

 

Had this one the other day

Pilot: Requesting taxi

Me: Taxi H/P P9, RWY 07R via R4, INN and Z. QNH 1019

Pilot: Ok taxi P9, RWY 07R via R4, INN and Z. QNH 1019

*time p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]es and I see him taxiing north instead of south*

me: Please make a 180° turn onto the Outer to rejoin the inner southbound.

Pilot: Ok we'll make a 180° turn on the outer and rejoin the inner southbound..

*I still see him go the wrong way*

Me: Sir do you have a comp[Mod - Happy Thoughts] in your plane?

Pilot: Yes why?

Me: Do you see an S on it?

Pilot: No

Me: Then you are clearly not going soutbound like I told you

Pilot: Oh yes

Me: Now do you want progressive taxi or do you want me to wait until you have explored the airport like Dora the Explorer? Haha

Pilot: Naah we'll take that progressive, sorry 'bout that.

Me: No prob

[Kyle Rodgers 910155]

Jake, while you're not incorrect for requesting a readback, it's technically okay for the pilot to read back "roger," or simply the callsign in response. And to help you save a few letters while typing for /T pilots next time, it's 'Foxtrot', like the dance.

[Alen Smriko 1034823]

All RW:

1. The word "point" can be translated in Croatian as "tocka", which can then again be translated in English as "point" or..."spot". I ask you to use your imagination...
   So, after a certain discussion that a controller and a pilot had, the controller finally told him to report the G (pronounced of course as "Golf") VFR reporting point. Eventually... (in Croatian):
   ATC: Did you find the Golf point yet?
   Pilot: Of course, yes, I did find the gee point, but you wont never be able to find it!
   
2. Usually, when you make the initial call to Lucko (LDZL) Tower, it should be something like: "Lucko Tower, [callsign], good day, request start up for [reason, ie.: traffic circuits]". Sometimes you forget to say good day, which would result in an answer like "[callsign], Lucko Tower, good day to you too..., start up approved" (which could be translated as "learn some manners, you #?%#&").
   So, a friend of mine, fresh trainee pilot, knowing this situation might arise, didn't want to forget the good day part, but nevertheless, preparing for his speech, he managed to get some jitters:
   Pilot: "Lucko Tower...huh...[callsign]..huh..request...huh....Good day!"
   ATC: "...[callsing], Lucko Tower, good day approved!"
   
3. Pula (LDPL) Radar is a terminal position. In a radar enviroment, when with a filed FP, you only need to say your position and altitude (and, of course, callsign). There was this VFR overflight with a filed FP with initial contact that looked something like this:
   Pilot:"Pula, [callsign], departed from xxxx at xxxx, crossed xxxx at xxxx (time) at xxxx (level), xxxx at xxxx at xxxx, now p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ing xxxx at xxxx, next xxxx estimating at xxxx at xxxx, next xxxx estimating at xxxx at xxxx...next xxxx estimating at xxxx at xxxx, for landing at xxxx, rwy xxxx at xxxx." (it took him more or less 60 second to tell his story).
   ATC: "Roger..."

[Jake Sims 1158411]

All RW:

1. The word "point" can be translated in Croatian as "tocka", which can then again be translated in English as "point" or..."spot". I ask you to use your imagination...
   So, after a certain discussion that a controller and a pilot had, the controller finally told him to report the G (pronounced of course as "Golf") VFR reporting point. Eventually... (in Croatian):
   ATC: Did you find the Golf point yet?
   Pilot: Of course, yes, I did find the gee point, but you wont never be able to find it!
   
2. Usually, when you make the initial call to Lucko (LDZL) Tower, it should be something like: "Lucko Tower, [callsign], good day, request start up for [reason, ie.: traffic circuits]". Sometimes you forget to say good day, which would result in an answer like "[callsign], Lucko Tower, good day to you too..., start up approved" (which could be translated as "learn some manners, you #?%#&").
   So, a friend of mine, fresh trainee pilot, knowing this situation might arise, didn't want to forget the good day part, but nevertheless, preparing for his speech, he managed to get some jitters:
   Pilot: "Lucko Tower...huh...[callsign]..huh..request...huh....Good day!"
   ATC: "...[callsing], Lucko Tower, good day approved!"
   
3. Pula (LDPL) Radar is a terminal position. In a radar enviroment, when with a filed FP, you only need to say your position and altitude (and, of course, callsign). There was this VFR overflight with a filed FP with initial contact that looked something like this:
   Pilot:"Pula, [callsign], departed from xxxx at xxxx, crossed xxxx at xxxx (time) at xxxx (level), xxxx at xxxx at xxxx, now p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ing xxxx at xxxx, next xxxx estimating at xxxx at xxxx, next xxxx estimating at xxxx at xxxx...next xxxx estimating at xxxx at xxxx, for landing at xxxx, rwy xxxx at xxxx." (it took him more or less 60 second to tell his story).
   ATC: "Roger..."

 

HAHA!

Edited June 29, 2011 at 04:22 AM by Guest

[Nicholas Cavacini]

Didn't happen to me but one of my fellow controllers had a text pilot.

Controller: Wind 090 at 6 runway 8R cleared for takeoff.

Pilot: Say again

Controller: Read again

 

Another time a controller was trying to ask a text pilot what type of a/c he was. The pilot kept insisting that he had none. After the controller asked him again, the pilot said that he didn't have air conditioning.

[Andrew Wolcott 814793]

All RW:

1. Pula (LDPL) Radar is a terminal position. In a radar enviroment, when with a filed FP, you only need to say your position and altitude (and, of course, callsign). There was this VFR overflight with a filed FP with initial contact that looked something like this:
   Pilot:"Pula, [callsign], departed from xxxx at xxxx, crossed xxxx at xxxx (time) at xxxx (level), xxxx at xxxx at xxxx, now p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ing xxxx at xxxx, next xxxx estimating at xxxx at xxxx, next xxxx estimating at xxxx at xxxx...next xxxx estimating at xxxx at xxxx, for landing at xxxx, rwy xxxx at xxxx." (it took him more or less 60 second to tell his story).
   ATC: "Roger..."

 

We get this all the time here on VATSIM. The aircraft has been radar identified, but after a radar handoff, and transfer of communication, the pilot insists on telling you his life story of where he is

 

Yet, when the pilot calls you from non-ATC environment, they won't tell you where they are

 

"XX Center, AID123 with you FL330."

"AID123, XX Center, Say location?"

[EJ Davis]

Didn't happen to me but one of my fellow controllers had a text pilot.

Controller: Wind 090 at 6 runway 8R cleared for takeoff.

Pilot: Say again

Controller: Read again

 

Another time a controller was trying to ask a text pilot what type of a/c he was. The pilot kept insisting that he had none. After the controller asked him again, the pilot said that he didn't have air conditioning.

I was in New York, and a pilot talking to dep, and DEP asked him that question

 

C: "Say a/c type"

P: "im not sure, its on cool"

C: "what?"

P: "The air conditioner is on cool"

*extremely long pause*

C: "roger, "

[Tom Uytterhoeven 1151895]

Didn't happen to me but one of my fellow controllers had a text pilot.

Controller: Wind 090 at 6 runway 8R cleared for takeoff.

Pilot: Say again

Controller: Read again

 

Another time a controller was trying to ask a text pilot what type of a/c he was. The pilot kept insisting that he had none. After the controller asked him again, the pilot said that he didn't have air conditioning.

I was in New York, and a pilot talking to dep, and DEP asked him that question

 

C: "Say a/c type"

P: "im not sure, its on cool"

C: "what?"

P: "The air conditioner is on cool"

*extremely long pause*

C: "roger, "

I just read this and dropped myself on the floor LMAO :p

[Matthew Bartels]

R/W

MSP_TWR: gives taxi instructions to two aicraft

Aircraft 1 : Reads back taxi clearance

Aircraft 2 : Why did he get taxi clearance before me I pushed first and am in front

MSP_TWR: Sir, taxi order is based upon when you contact me for taxi

Aircraft 2: That's Ridiculous, who do I call to report you.

MSP_TWR: You can call my supervisor in the tower cab 612-XXX-XXXX

Unknown Acft: Actually, I think the number is 1-800-WAH-WAAH

Edited May 8, 2011 at 01:34 AM by Guest

[Ernesto Alvarez 818262]

[Michael Avila 1077868]

R/W

MSP_TWR: gives taxi instructions to two aicraft

Aircraft 1 : Reads back taxi clearance

Aircraft 2 : Why did he get taxi clearance before me I pushed first and am in front

MSP_TWR: Sir, taxi order is based upon when you contact me for taxi

Aircraft 2: That's Ridiculous, who do I call to report you.

MSP_TWR: You can call my supervisor in the tower cab 612-XXX-XXXX

Unknown Acft: Actually, I think the number is 1-800-WAH-WAAH

HAHAHA!

[Alen Smriko 1034823]

I was today online as EURW_FSS. Pilot 1 and pilot 2 looked like newbies. Pilot 3 was more experienced, but quite nervous since he was eager to make a request, and didn't have the chance as the frequency was busy. Pilot 2 was unreadable "static". Here's what happened:

Me: "Pilot 1, identified FL270, continue as filed"

Pilot 1: "Can you please say again?"

Pilot 2: static (5 secs)

Pilot 1: "Sir, you were unreadable, say again one more time"

Pilot 2: static (again for 5 secs)

Pilot 1: "Sir, I'm sry but I didn't understand you, please say again"

Pilot 2: static...

Pilot 1: "Sir, please use text"

Pilot 3, quite nervous...: "[callsign], request descent to FL240"

Pilot 1: "Confirm descent to FL240?". I fell off the chair here

Pilot 3, knew what was going on, but he didn't care: "Roger, descending to FL240" (quite allright for me)

Pilot 1: "Sir, please use text, I'm quite confused now".

At that point, I used text

[Wycliffe Barrett]

I was today online as EURW_FSS. Pilot 1 and pilot 2 looked like newbies. Pilot 3 was more experienced, but quite nervous since he was eager to make a request, and didn't have the chance as the frequency was busy. Pilot 2 was unreadable "static". Here's what happened:

Me: "Pilot 1, identified FL270, continue as filed"

Pilot 1: "Can you please say again?"

Pilot 2: static (5 secs)

Pilot 1: "Sir, you were unreadable, say again one more time"

Pilot 2: static (again for 5 secs)

Pilot 1: "Sir, I'm sry but I didn't understand you, please say again"

Pilot 2: static...

Pilot 1: "Sir, please use text"

Pilot 3, quite nervous...: "[callsign], request descent to FL240"

Pilot 1: "Confirm descent to FL240?". I fell off the chair here

Pilot 3, knew what was going on, but he didn't care: "Roger, descending to FL240" (quite allright for me)

Pilot 1: "Sir, please use text, I'm quite confused now".

At that point, I used text

 

 

That is cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ic I would have been on the floor laughing.

 

Wycliffe