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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


Jake Sims 1158411
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Miguel Frias
Posted
Posted

I'd call this vocal Unicom.

Miguel Frias

Senior Instructor (I3) & Certified Pilot (P4), ZLA I-11 graduate

Portugal vACC Training Director (ACCPT2), VATEUD Operations Director (VATEUD8)

Portugal vACC, VATEUD, VATSIM

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  • 1 month later...
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Matthew McEwen

"Tower, g'day, Clipper 811, international car park level 3 bay 14, request taxi" During a quiet evening on Sydney Tower.

Dace Nicmane

It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

Luka Stevens

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

Michael Avila 1077868
Posted
Posted

[Callsign], uh I need that turn now please

 

30 seconds go by

 

[Callsign] I needed that turn yesterday proceed direct (forget the VOR) climb 9000

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Harold Rutila 974112
Posted
Posted

Oh, I have a new one.

 

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

"Approach, can we have the ILS?"

"ABC1234, the ILS requires an addon file in your simulator."

"Approach, tell you what, we'll see what the FMC can do, and if not, we'll take the visual."

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

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Richard Gerrish
Posted
Posted
Oh, I have a new one.

 

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

"Approach, can we have the ILS?"

"ABC1234, the ILS requires an addon file in your simulator."

"Approach, tell you what, we'll see what the FMC can do, and if not, we'll take the visual."

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

Richard Gerrish

Developer, STM Applications Group

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Arjun Murthy 1051343
Posted
Posted
[Callsign], uh I need that turn now please

 

30 seconds go by

 

[Callsign] I needed that turn yesterday proceed direct (forget the VOR) climb 9000

 

 

Was on the same frequency when this happened!!! Certainly brought up a laugh

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Jonathan Devine 1074915
Posted
Posted

This happened 10 minutes ago while I was controlling Potomac Approach:

 

AF1: Washington approach, airforce one holding short runway 1 right, ready to go.

DCA_APP: Airforce One, it appears you are at 19 left. Confirm you are taxiing to 1 right.

AF1: Washington approach, I am holding at the other end of 1 right, ready to go.

 

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Brendan Lynch 1167842
Posted
Posted
This happened 10 minutes ago while I was controlling Potomac Approach:

 

AF1: Washington approach, airforce one holding short runway 1 right, ready to go.

DCA_APP: Airforce One, it appears you are at 19 left. Confirm you are taxiing to 1 right.

AF1: Washington approach, I am holding at the other end of 1 right, ready to go.

 

I wasn't controlling, but a few days ago, when I was flying some BFM review, I put in my remarks: Unarmed, about as dangerous as a C-5

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Kyle Rodgers 910155
Posted
Posted
This happened 10 minutes ago while I was controlling Potomac Approach:

 

AF1: Washington approach, airforce one holding short runway 1 right, ready to go.

DCA_APP: Airforce One, it appears you are at 19 left. Confirm you are taxiing to 1 right.

AF1: Washington approach, I am holding at the other end of 1 right, ready to go.

 

I'm pretty sure I heard this guy check in on freq with IAD_APP when you logged off. His check in alluded to what you were talking about, which was pretty sad. Further evidence that the AF1 callsign will be permanently [Mod - Happy Thoughts]ociated with noob.

Kyle Rodgers

 

The content of this post, unless expressly written, refers only to those procedures in the United States of America,

following the Federal Aviation Administration Regulations thereof.

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Harold Rutila 974112
Posted
Posted

On Monday, at my local airport, we had a Cessna pilot report 1-2 knots of wind shear to the tower after landing.

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Dhruv Kalra
Posted
Posted
On Monday, at my local airport, we had a Cessna pilot report 1-2 knots of wind shear to the tower after landing.

 

I always laugh when students here report "braking action poor to nil" or "severe turbulence" in a 172...

Dhruv Kalra

VATUSA ZMP ATM | Instructor | VATSIM Network Supervisor

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Tom Uytterhoeven 1151895
Posted
Posted
On Monday, at my local airport, we had a Cessna pilot report 1-2 knots of wind shear to the tower after landing.

 

I always laugh when students here report "braking action poor to nil" or "severe turbulence" in a 172...

LMAO severe turbulence... Pilots I guess.. :p

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  • Board of Governors
Don Desfosse
Posted
Posted

Kinda funny (sad?) when RW pilots start acting like VATSIM pilot wannabees....

Don Desfosse
Vice President, Operations

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Dan Everette
Posted
Posted
Kinda funny (sad?) when RW pilots start acting like VATSIM pilot wannabees....

Flying back to CPK (RW) a couple years ago in a twin, was IFR and in the wonderful summertime afternoon convective "presents" by mother nature and was rapidly approaching task saturation as I was by myself. Norfolk Approach terminated me and my response was:

 

"Roger, over to advisory, we'll call you on the ground to cancel, thanks for the ATC"

 

When I called the tower on the phone to cancel, he said "you're welcome for the ATC".

-Dan Everette

CFI, CFII, MEI

Having the runway in sight just at TDZE + 100 is like Mom, Warm cookies and milk, and Christmas morning, all wrapped into one.

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Oliver Smith
Posted
Posted

Having some fun on a late night over the Atlantic a few years ago:

 

Me: Shanwick radio Speedbird 175 with position report

Shanwick: Speedbird 175 go-ahead

Me: Speedbird 175 p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ed.. time... estimating... time, ... is next, fish for dinner, go ahead

Shanwick: roger shanwick copies position.. at... estimating... at, ... next and *chuckle* I hope your First Officer didn't have fish too!

Me: readback correct, and nope he's a vegetarian, we should have no problem reaching Kennedy!

 

(Reference is to the film "Airplane", for those who haven't seen it )

 

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Ryan Butterworth 1037842
Posted
Posted
Oh, I have a new one.

 

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

"Approach, can we have the ILS?"

"ABC1234, the ILS requires an addon file in your simulator."

"Approach, tell you what, we'll see what the FMC can do, and if not, we'll take the visual."

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

 

^ The future of vatsim pilots...

 

Z O M G....

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog +courage+

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Matt Davies
Posted
Posted

"London, good morning, BAW175..."

 

"BAW175, London Control, good morning, mess your p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]age"

 

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Jeffrey Carpenter 1165262
Posted
Posted
Me: XXX000 Traffic at your 12 o'clock, 10 miles, crossing left to right 1000 ft below, a small Fokker F100, report in sight.

XXX000: Ctr, I have alway wanted to say this, XXX000 as the little Fokker in sight.

 

This is my favorite so far.

Jeffrey "Spaz" Carpenter

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Jake Sims 1158411
Posted
Posted

Mine the other day while on LAX TWR...

 

"XXX welcome to LA, exit left when able, taxi to alpha via parking, thanks for flying"
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Jake Sims 1158411
Posted
Posted

disregard this one

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Luke Cunningham
Posted
Posted

When controlling the Fly and See Santa event last Christmas we had instances like,

 

"[callsign], report santa in sight"

 

"[callsign], contact rudolph radar, xxx.xxx"

 

"[callsign], be advised, the war is over, contact director xxx.xxx"

Luke Cunningham

Senior Controller

VATSIM United Kingdom

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Florian Harms
Posted
Posted

Well,

a nice topic.

 

some weeks ago a pilot reported strong tailwinds, i advised him to change the food...

 

Flo

Florian Harms

VATSIM Europe Division / DCRM

Supervisor

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Stephen Plumb 1108305
Posted
Posted
Well,

a nice topic.

 

some weeks ago a pilot reported strong tailwinds, i advised him to change the food...

 

Flo

 

 

J.A.T.O.?

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Charan Kumar
Posted
Posted

CTR: SWAxxx cleared for visual approach rwy 30L, caution fireworks in the area

SWAxxx: Cleared for the vis app 30L, we will watch out for 'em

CTR: UALxxx radar contact lost

UALyyy: uh, there were fireworks in his cockpit

When is your next Flight||VATSIM HitSquad Member, ZOA/ZAK/GANDER/P1

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Alen Smriko 1034823
Posted
Posted

Me: "XXX, good afternoon... squawk 0634."

XXX: doesn't say anything, just sets the squawk.

Me: "Identified, continue as filed."

XXX: "uh, roger, can you please tell me the squawk again sir?"

 

???

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Matthew Montgomery 1035148
Posted
Posted

Pilot: "We are VFR, why are sending me a contact request"

Me: Well you'd like to land on my runway wouldn't you?

Pilot: Yes.

Me: Then tune to 133.65

Matthew Montgomery

ZOB ARTCC

Staff Mentor

[email protected]

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