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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


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It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

A usual occurence on Heathrow, slightly worrying some members can't seem to operate a comp[Mod - Happy Thoughts]   ATC: BAW123, Push and start approved, face North. Pilot: Push approved, face Nor

I'll never forget this one. This was a text pilot.

 

Ken Bambach: Calsign, say a/c type.

Pilot: Miami Center, say again!

Ken Bambach: Callsign, what type of a/c are you flying, sir?

Pilot: Miami Center, I don't understand sir! My air conditioner is turned off!

 

 

This is my favorite. The best is when text pilots what you to repeat yourself.

 

Actually Sal, I think the Pilot said that he didn't have an air conditioner onboard. Still a great one though. XD

 

I also remember I heard this one from a while back.

 

Keep in mind this is all text.

 

ATC: AAL123 Descend and Maintain 16,000 Miami Altimeter 29.92

Pilot: Say Again

ATC: Read Again.

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This is why we love text pilots so much.

 

This was one I had recently all on txt.

 

ATC. XXXX turn left 270 close the localiser when established descend on the glideslope

pilot, xxxxx TR 270 .......... er pardon

ATC silently under my breath DOH!

Wycliffe Barrett: C3 Controller

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"if god meant for us to fly, he would have given us tickets" Mel Brooks

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X-XXXX "Winnipeg CTR this is X-XXXX, would like my decent please." aircraft @ FL240, 250 miles from CYWG

CZWG_CTR "X-XXXX , you are still 250 miles out, you need to descend?"

X-XXXX "Roger CTR, would like 12000."

CZWG_CTR "X-XXXX descend 12,000, closest Altimeter 30.03."

X-XXXX "forget it, I'll stay here, can I use the altimeter though, it looks better."

CZWG_CTR "X-XXX negative, continue using 29.92, but when you get closer I'll see if I can find another altimeter setting that looks good."

 

sometimes you got to roll with the flow...............

Mark Smith

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Vatsim Supervisor

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Have a question if you guys have seen this, as I have a couple times now. I am waiting to get clearence and someone else gets his, but then states that they need xxx rwy, not the one [Mod - Happy Thoughts]igned by atc.

 

Anyone know the reason why someone would "need " a certain rwy? Always wondered why......

 

 

Maybe their intended departure is runway-specific, and they don't want to reprogram their FMC.

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Maybe their intended departure is runway-specific, and they don't want to reprogram their FMC.

 

Yes, one that comes to mind are the RNAV Departures at KBOS. Had a situation like this last night while flying out of BOS, Controller [Mod - Happy Thoughts]igned the SSOXS2 Departure off of runway 27. Well, the issue is, if you look at the chart, the SSOXS2 doesnt exist for runway 27

Michael Corcoran - C1

Denver ARTCC

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Well it started off with Air Force 2, requesting clearance......

 

Shortly after takeoff "Air Force Two, declaring emergency, the Vice President has died" (Of course if the VP is dead, whats the rush!!!).

 

then at about 1000ft, "Air Force Two, rapid decompression" (Nothing like that horrible rapid decompression at 1000ft).

 

followed by the cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ic line that every Air Force Two pilot knows....."Clear all runways for immediate landing"

 

after landing ...." Need fire trucks, fire on board"

 

 

 

Good Times !!!! that sadly ended when he logged off before .wallop had any effect.

 

 

 

Mark.

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Mark I think most of us have experienced a very similar situation somewhere along the line. Although I must give kudos for originality... AirForce 2 and the VP, not AF1 and the prez?

 

To go back a few posts, just the other night I had a text pilot ask me to say again. my response, "..." My guess is that whatever pilot client they use the words disappear after a certain time, and since they're paying such dilligent attention to actually flying their plane... oh wait thats not it either.

John Muenster (MR) - Minneapolis ARTCC

Unless expressly written, my comments in no way reflect the opinions of any ARTCC I am affiliated with, they are personal opinions only.

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Mark I think most of us have experienced a very similar situation somewhere along the line. Although I must give kudos for originality... AirForce 2 and the VP, not AF1 and the prez?

 

To go back a few posts, just the other night I had a text pilot ask me to say again. my response, "..." My guess is that whatever pilot client they use the words disappear after a certain time, and since they're paying such dilligent attention to actually flying their plane... oh wait thats not it either.

Yes, they watch the text scroll across in the FS message crawler at the top.

But, obviously, trying to read and copy an IFR clearance on the equivalent of a Wall Street ticker is ridiculously stupid. Which is why they don't bother, and have you resend it again. And again. And again.

Regards,

 

Matthew Spencer (SP)

vZBW Training Administrator emeritus

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I don't know how it is in FS, but with XSquawkbox for X-Plane the text box appears for some set amount time (I think its user definable? No clue, I never use text). After it goes away you can hit tab to bring it back, which I guess you wouldn't know if you didn't read any docomeentation.

John Muenster (MR) - Minneapolis ARTCC

Unless expressly written, my comments in no way reflect the opinions of any ARTCC I am affiliated with, they are personal opinions only.

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Mark I think most of us have experienced a very similar situation somewhere along the line. Although I must give kudos for originality... AirForce 2 and the VP, not AF1 and the prez?

 

To go back a few posts, just the other night I had a text pilot ask me to say again. my response, "..." My guess is that whatever pilot client they use the words disappear after a certain time, and since they're paying such dilligent attention to actually flying their plane... oh wait thats not it either.

Yes, they watch the text scroll across in the FS message crawler at the top.

But, obviously, trying to read and copy an IFR clearance on the equivalent of a Wall Street ticker is ridiculously stupid. Which is why they don't bother, and have you resend it again. And again. And again.

 

Which is why I use FSINN, among other reasons.

 

As for the thing with Air Force 2, as a dispatcher and a CAP communications instructor, "died" or "dead" or even "fatality" is one of those BIG no-no words you don't want to say over the radio, be it military, public safety, or aviation. At least in a situation like that. Now expressing condolances, etc., sure, but not with an ongoing incident such as that. He should have at least advised "medical emergency" or something.

 

But now I'm forgetting about the pilot in question, aren't I? Did he at least recycle to 7700 to annoy you and every other controller for 100 miles?

Brad Lee

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ZJX ARTCC

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…As for the thing with Air Force 2, as a dispatcher and a CAP communications instructor, "died" or "dead" or even "fatality" is one of those BIG no-no words you don't want to say over the radio…

How about "The Vice President is on the roof, and he won't come down?"

 

Sorry, a bit obscure I know, but maybe someone will get it!

Alistair Thomson

===

Definition: a gentleman is a flying instructor in a Piper Cherokee who can change tanks without getting his face slapped.

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I love when a question is asked and the aircraft come back with "roger."

 

"Airline 123, Farmington weather reporting wind calm, skies clear, altimeter 3022. Would you like a visual or ILS approach to Runway 25?"

"Roger."

"Airline 123, negative, do you want the visual approach or the ILS approach."

"Oh..."

 

Did you just answer a "roger" with a "negative"? Almost as bad. (Okay, not really anywhere near as bad, but I found it a bit ironic.)

Developer: vPilot, VRC, vSTARS, vERAM, VAT-Spy

Senior Controller, Boston Virtual ARTCC

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What I mean by that is "No, that's not the right answer. Please try again." And then I re-state the question.

If you know the right answer, why ask the question?

 

Best to omit the "negative" and just re-state the question. But your point is totally well taken. Roll on the pilot training material, and roll on the day when at least the basic level is mandatory…

 

(hurriedly ducks below the parapet)

Alistair Thomson

===

Definition: a gentleman is a flying instructor in a Piper Cherokee who can change tanks without getting his face slapped.

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