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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


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It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

A usual occurence on Heathrow, slightly worrying some members can't seem to operate a comp[Mod - Happy Thoughts]   ATC: BAW123, Push and start approved, face North. Pilot: Push approved, face Nor

Oh, I have a new one.

 

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

"Approach, can we have the ILS?"

"ABC1234, the ILS requires an addon file in your simulator."

"Approach, tell you what, we'll see what the FMC can do, and if not, we'll take the visual."

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

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Oh, I have a new one.

 

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

"Approach, can we have the ILS?"

"ABC1234, the ILS requires an addon file in your simulator."

"Approach, tell you what, we'll see what the FMC can do, and if not, we'll take the visual."

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

Richard Gerrish

Developer, STM Applications Group

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This happened 10 minutes ago while I was controlling Potomac Approach:

 

AF1: Washington approach, airforce one holding short runway 1 right, ready to go.

DCA_APP: Airforce One, it appears you are at 19 left. Confirm you are taxiing to 1 right.

AF1: Washington approach, I am holding at the other end of 1 right, ready to go.

 

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This happened 10 minutes ago while I was controlling Potomac Approach:

 

AF1: Washington approach, airforce one holding short runway 1 right, ready to go.

DCA_APP: Airforce One, it appears you are at 19 left. Confirm you are taxiing to 1 right.

AF1: Washington approach, I am holding at the other end of 1 right, ready to go.

 

I wasn't controlling, but a few days ago, when I was flying some BFM review, I put in my remarks: Unarmed, about as dangerous as a C-5

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This happened 10 minutes ago while I was controlling Potomac Approach:

 

AF1: Washington approach, airforce one holding short runway 1 right, ready to go.

DCA_APP: Airforce One, it appears you are at 19 left. Confirm you are taxiing to 1 right.

AF1: Washington approach, I am holding at the other end of 1 right, ready to go.

 

I'm pretty sure I heard this guy check in on freq with IAD_APP when you logged off. His check in alluded to what you were talking about, which was pretty sad. Further evidence that the AF1 callsign will be permanently [Mod - Happy Thoughts]ociated with noob.

Kyle Rodgers

 

The content of this post, unless expressly written, refers only to those procedures in the United States of America,

following the Federal Aviation Administration Regulations thereof.

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On Monday, at my local airport, we had a Cessna pilot report 1-2 knots of wind shear to the tower after landing.

 

I always laugh when students here report "braking action poor to nil" or "severe turbulence" in a 172...

Dhruv Kalra

VATUSA ZMP ATM | Instructor | VATSIM Network Supervisor

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Kinda funny (sad?) when RW pilots start acting like VATSIM pilot wannabees....

Flying back to CPK (RW) a couple years ago in a twin, was IFR and in the wonderful summertime afternoon convective "presents" by mother nature and was rapidly approaching task saturation as I was by myself. Norfolk Approach terminated me and my response was:

 

"Roger, over to advisory, we'll call you on the ground to cancel, thanks for the ATC"

 

When I called the tower on the phone to cancel, he said "you're welcome for the ATC".

-Dan Everette

CFI, CFII, MEI

Having the runway in sight just at TDZE + 100 is like Mom, Warm cookies and milk, and Christmas morning, all wrapped into one.

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Having some fun on a late night over the Atlantic a few years ago:

 

Me: Shanwick radio Speedbird 175 with position report

Shanwick: Speedbird 175 go-ahead

Me: Speedbird 175 p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ed.. time... estimating... time, ... is next, fish for dinner, go ahead

Shanwick: roger shanwick copies position.. at... estimating... at, ... next and *chuckle* I hope your First Officer didn't have fish too!

Me: readback correct, and nope he's a vegetarian, we should have no problem reaching Kennedy!

 

(Reference is to the film "Airplane", for those who haven't seen it )

 

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Oh, I have a new one.

 

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

"Approach, can we have the ILS?"

"ABC1234, the ILS requires an addon file in your simulator."

"Approach, tell you what, we'll see what the FMC can do, and if not, we'll take the visual."

"ABC1234, expect vectors visual approach Runway 35R."

 

^ The future of vatsim pilots...

 

Z O M G....

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog +courage+

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When controlling the Fly and See Santa event last Christmas we had instances like,

 

"[callsign], report santa in sight"

 

"[callsign], contact rudolph radar, xxx.xxx"

 

"[callsign], be advised, the war is over, contact director xxx.xxx"

Luke Cunningham

Senior Controller

VATSIM United Kingdom

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