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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


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"SWAxxxx, radar contact 41 miles west of EAR. Cleared direct KOMA."

"Center, I'm having trouble with my FMC and I can't go direct KOMA."

"SWAxxxx, how bout we just take that right out of the equation, then? Cleared to KOMA via radar vectors. Fly heading 080."

Dhruv Kalra

VATUSA ZMP ATM | Instructor | VATSIM Network Supervisor

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It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

A usual occurence on Heathrow, slightly worrying some members can't seem to operate a comp[Mod - Happy Thoughts]   ATC: BAW123, Push and start approved, face North. Pilot: Push approved, face Nor

  • 2 weeks later...

Havent heard it yet, but itd be funny.

 

ABC123: Chicago Center, ABC123 with you 30mi SE of OXI. Go Packers

CHI_CTR: ABC123, Proceed direct BEARZ and hold... Etc etc

ABC123: Did we say go Packers? We ment Go Bears!

CHI_CTR: ABC123, (repeat what was said before)

ZAU S-2, Major Certified

ZAU S-1 Mentor

(Disclaimer: the post above does not necessarily express the opinion or stance of ZAU or ZAUs training program, this view is made by me and me alone)

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Right now, when I'm on as JFK TWR.

 

BAW (conc) X: TWR, can you report our current speed? Our airspeed indicator is not working properly...

Me: We'll not really that accurate, but you're indicating 10 kts.

BAW (conc) X: Roger... It doesn't seem to be working at all.

 

*pilot departs 4 minutes later. No word if the indicator was working or not*

Karl Mathias Moberg - 908962 - I1/SUP - NYARTCC Air Traffic Manager

 

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"No FMC No GPS No Charts.Text Only, come fly with us http://www.myvahere.net.

 

Not even kidding.

 

 

I fail to see whats wrong with that?

 

NO FMC - Light aircraft, non payware model? its still allowed, I don't know many people, myself included that joined VATSIM and conducted their first flight with a FMC

NO GPS - Fine again, not all aircraft have a GPS could be flying VOR's NBD's, maybe you should try it, and learn how to do it.

NO Charts - again, no problem here, I never had charts for a long time, no one ever made fun of that, on Tuesday I had a pilot that was obviously new, so I gave him radar vectors to his first en route way point, I didn't find it difficult, so I don't understand why the vast majority of VATSIM ATC find it so hard to do.

TEXT ONLY - how do you know this person cant speak, or hear? now your making fun off the disabled.

 

New pilots should be allowed to come on the network and not be mocked in the forums, its a breach of the CoC 1A.

 

I bet that pilot I had on Tuesday will be back, in fact I saw a question in our ARTCC forums from him asking about airspace cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts]es.

 

What happens when the pilot comes here to the forum and sees this post, and you mocking them, they are well with in their rights to complain, and you will be in trouble.

Kirk Christie - VATPAC C3

VATPAC Undercover ATC Agent

Worldflight Perth 737-800 Crew Member

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Kirk, I think he's making more fun of the fact that he has nothing that emulates real world US commercial airliner operations but invites others to come fly with them. That's why I think he thought it was funny.

 

I agree, a majority of my flights are done with nothing but VORs and NDBs... so I put it in my equipment suffix as /P (TACAN) or /A (VOR/DME) depending on what kind of flight I am doing. In fact, I even disabled the default FS GPS so that I couldn't cheat. So I agree about NO GPS/NO FMC. But Charts are easy to find for a majority of places, so depending on where that flight is it may be that the pilot doesn't want to learn. I don't mandate charts, and I'll work with pilots that don't have them and I chose to not make fun of them... but others do because they are easily accessible for a large part of the busy areas of VATSIM.

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"No FMC No GPS No Charts.Text Only, come fly with us http://www.myvahere.net.

 

Not even kidding.

 

 

NO Charts - again, no problem here, I never had charts for a long time, no one ever made fun of that, on Tuesday I had a pilot that was obviously new, so I gave him radar vectors to his first en route way point, I didn't find it difficult, so I don't understand why the vast majority of VATSIM ATC find it so hard to do.

 

I may be wrong, but I think it might be difficult to navigate from VOR (or NDB) to VOR (or NDB) without having charts. I would be interested in learning how to use that style of navigation without knowing frequencies or airspace cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ifications...

Mark Bott / I3 - 1100894

NYARTCC Training Administrator

Program Manager for Events - Staff Specialist

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This didn't happen to me, but to one of my friends whilst on the ground at Luton (EGGW) - there was only London Control online:

 

ABC123: London Control, good morning, request IFR clearance to Ibiza

CTR: ABC123 good morning, cleared to the sunshine.....

 

Nearly fell off my chair laughing at that when he told me!

Cheers

 

Andy McCall

S2

South East RTS, UK

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On Heathrow tower.

 

"ABC123, request clearance as filed."

 

Unfortunately there was no flight plan, well, the chap had a departure and destination but nothing else at all. So.

 

"ABC123, Heathrow Tower, Good'eve! Would it be possible for you to file a valid route to your destination please?"

 

So they did. It read: "EGLL DIRECT EGCC".

 

Harry Williams VATUK9,

VATSIM-UK Web Services Manager

Cross the Pond Planning Team Member (Web Monkey)

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Kirk, taking everything offensively isn't going to get you anywhere. The jump to the conclusion that anyone was making fun of disable people anywhere was quite the stretch. I'm not even going further into why, as Harold and the rest have explained. Nobody was mocking anyone.

Kyle Rodgers

 

The content of this post, unless expressly written, refers only to those procedures in the United States of America,

following the Federal Aviation Administration Regulations thereof.

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"No FMC No GPS No Charts.Text Only, come fly with us http://www.myvahere.net.
So? I find it refreshing. Perhaps he wanted to follow the river to the next county, who knows, who cares. Was he able to fly [Mod - Happy Thoughts]igned heading and altitude? If so, give them a vector and get them out of the way of the magenta zombies who seem to be your prefered customers. I am sure all of you filed perfect flight plans (that you put together yourselves after studying your charts) the first time you flew.
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Eh. I have to disagree. I know this is not the real world, but if I asked a controller at anything other than a TRSA or slow Cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts] C to vector me all around because I didn't feel like using charts or anything else, I'd get laughed back to my parking spot.

 

I see nothing refreshing in being lazy. If you don't want to use charts, or anything else, you don't need ATC services, and you can fly VFR all day around my airspace and I'll let you be. If you call me for service and are asking for my effort, I'm asking for yours.

Kyle Rodgers

 

The content of this post, unless expressly written, refers only to those procedures in the United States of America,

following the Federal Aviation Administration Regulations thereof.

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"No FMC No GPS No Charts.Text Only, come fly with us http://www.myvahere.net.
So? I find it refreshing. Perhaps he wanted to follow the river to the next county, who knows, who cares. Was he able to fly [Mod - Happy Thoughts]igned heading and altitude? If so, give them a vector and get them out of the way of the magenta zombies who seem to be your prefered customers. I am sure all of you filed perfect flight plans (that you put together yourselves after studying your charts) the first time you flew.

 

Nope, my first flight plans were far from perfect. but I could fly VOR to VOR, and when [Mod - Happy Thoughts]igned an approach I didn't how to do I said "Unable." No charts, fine, expect a visual approach. I'm not vectoring you onto what you filed. Fly what you filed, or fly VFR. If you're going to follow the river, then you are VFR... not IFR.

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I know this is not the real world
Thank you for bringing that up. if the pilot can follow your instructions (heading, altitude, etc), then what is the problem?
I see nothing refreshing in being lazy. If you don't want to use charts' date=' or anything else, you don't need ATC services, and you can fly VFR all day around my airspace and I'll let you be[/quote'] A hell of a statement, Kyle. I understand the beef with those who come to VATSIM and cannot fly their A/C and follow instructions, but you losing your breakfast because I have no charts on board is "the funniest thing you have heard while controling". But I want to point out to your generosity for allowing pilots ("letting them be") to fly VFR in YOUR airspace.

 

No charts, fine, expect a visual approach
Exactly, nothing wrong with that. I think it is worse when one of your favorite customers, who filed the perfect flight plan straight out of FlightAware and is flying the latest gadget not one degree off the magenta line, tells you UNABLE when you give them a visual.

 

There is a lot of Sim pilots out there who can fly/follow instructions, but may not be as perfect as you like, why don't you "let them be"?

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A hell of a statement, Kyle. I understand the beef with those who come to VATSIM and cannot fly their A/C and follow instructions, but you losing your breakfast because I have no charts on board is "the funniest thing you have heard while controling". But I want to point out to your generosity for allowing pilots ("letting them be") to fly VFR in YOUR airspace.

Well there's a difference here, Frank. My breakfast is still in my stomache where it belongs, by the way. If you refuse to use charts simply because you don't want to learn (in an environment that is quite clearly recognized as such), then no, you don't deserve to have someone make effort to cover your lack thereof. If you prefer not to use charts, that's fine. I flew all last weekend (outside of the sim) without ever breaking a chart out for a 175nm journey across the state of VA. I know the land that well, so why bother? While I did ask for flight following (http://flightaware.com/live/flight/N6017N/history/20111008/1643Z/KOKV/KBCB), I didn't go asking for any other ATC services to cover any lack of planning, lack of want to plan, or otherwise. That's the difference.

 

If you've read my posts before, you'd note that in a few of them I point out that it's a common misconception that charts are required onboard for every flight. I stand by that. If you don't want to use charts, you're 100% within your right. The issue is that if you do that, you have to understand that you're limiting the tools ATC can use, and therefore becoming more of a burden. My job as a controller is not to cover up your shortcomings, it is to safely expedite the flow of traffic.

 

I think it is worse when one of your favorite customers, who filed the perfect flight plan straight out of FlightAware and is flying the latest gadget not one degree off the magenta line, tells you UNABLE when you give them a visual.

I agree. I'm not saying anyone is faultless. When I hear "autoland" I want to club baby seals, and you can definitely see posts where I've discussed and ranted on that front as well. Any extreme isn't going to add to an experience.

Kyle Rodgers

 

The content of this post, unless expressly written, refers only to those procedures in the United States of America,

following the Federal Aviation Administration Regulations thereof.

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My job as a controller is not to cover up your shortcomings, it is to safely expedite the flow of traffic.

 

One of the best things said here.

 

I'm starting to think that because this is a "learning environment" new pilots tend not to put in any efforts at all, to learn. Could be that they're postponing to learn their stuff first because of the excitement to try it with a controller. But still - there is no learning activity in anywhere if you're not going to put it any effort. While we, as controllers, have done our part earning our ratings, how? Learning. Studying. And even now, we still learn.

 

So we should all do our part here for a safe, fun, and educational experience.

 

There are times that we remove our Mr. Controller hat and put-on a helping hat. But then again, we signed up to share and learn new things, to gain experience. Not to teach materials that are already made available. I wonder what VATSIM's pilot rating program is for if it's not used to its full extent by those who need it badly.

Romano Lara
vACC Philippines, Manager - Training & Standards
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So? I find it refreshing. Perhaps he wanted to follow the river to the next county, who knows, who cares.

I do.

 

If you've read my posts before, you'd note that in a few of them I point out that it's a common misconception that charts are required onboard for every flight.

Dunno how this is resolved by the FAA, but over here in EPWW they are (RW).

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