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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


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A few from last night on Shannon...

 

'RYR123, Speed 260 indicated please'

RYR123: 'Negative'

'RYR123, Speed 260 knots'

RYR123: 'Indicated is 290 knots'

'RYR123, I know, speed 260 knots now instead.'

RYR123: 'OK then 260...'

 

 

And followed by this, a nice debate began on a busy frequency. Bearing in mind this pilot had cut 100 miles from his route by going direct to the FAF, with 5 aircraft inbound to the same aerodrome under my control.

 

'EINABC, You're not following your arrival route, turn right heading 300 for sequencing.'

EINABC: 'We are going to [runway] 06' (24 was active, so you can imagine the problems this would've caused.)

'EINABC, Runway 24 is active, right heading 300 degrees'

EINABC: 'ok but can we take 06?'

'EINABC, Negative, runway 24 is active, turn right now heading 310 degrees'

EINABC: Whatever you say Would prefer 06'

'EINABC, turn right immediately heading 330 degrees, you will be landing on runway 24, ILS approach'

 

He eventually turned, somewhere over the States.

Cathal Boyce - ACCIRL1
Roinn VATSIM na hÉireann   
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It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

A usual occurence on Heathrow, slightly worrying some members can't seem to operate a comp[Mod - Happy Thoughts]   ATC: BAW123, Push and start approved, face North. Pilot: Push approved, face Nor

NZDN_GND, during leg 1 of World Flight. We were using the gr[Mod - Happy Thoughts] for taxiing, because backtracking on the runway carried too much of a risk.

 

Me: AALXXX, Taxi to the holding point for runway 03 via the gr[Mod - Happy Thoughts] parallel to the runway.

AALXXX: *giggling* Uhh... yeah we will go bushbashing and join the line of aircraft that looks to be at least a mile long.

Me: Yeah, try not to squash any animals, they were enjoying some peace and quiet until you lot came along.

 

about a minute later...

 

AALXXX: How many minutes do you estimate before takeoff?

Me: Might be a couple hours, probably best to shut the engines down.

AALXX: *groans* Come on, can this airfield handle this much aircraft?

Me: Uh... nope...

 

http://prnt.sc/d3n1j6 - some stage during the leg.

Andrew Ogden | I3
Gander Oceanic OCA Chief
VATSIM Web Developer

Visit us: https://ganderoceanic.com
Contact: [email protected] 

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Not to take us too far off topic, but I've noticed that there are several airports the WF planning team chose that could certainly never handle the volume. Note that the WF team selects them; the Divisions are not consulted. I've attempted to contact the WF team with suggestions and recommendations for two years in a row, with no response. Oh well, I just you just have to enjoy the uniqueness of the situation and having to deal with it....

Don Desfosse
Vice President, Membership

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It'll be fun parking aircraft on a runway at SRQ...

To add on to what Don said (I don't want to hijack this topic too much), as much as smaller airports provide a "challenge" or different experience, it's sometimes just a bother for pilots/controllers. I have a feeling pilots would much rather arrive/depart a medium sized field with minimal delays than a small field that can only support one aicraft at a time (where taxiing on the gr[Mod - Happy Thoughts] is a thing).

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nothing stopping anyone from doing just that. the teams simply have chosen the airports they are flying to. no rule saying you cant go to Tampa instead. ive never felt that as a bother, after all im just tagging along and simply there to enjoy the ride, part of it is the challenge that is often brought with some of the fields, this is one event that has never been about realism, frankly i much prefer they continue that tradition, more fun that way

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Not to take us too far off topic, but I've noticed that there are several airports the WF planning team chose that could certainly never handle the volume. Note that the WF team selects them; the Divisions are not consulted.

WF Leg 1 was from Sydney to Queenstown, but we had to split the aircraft so that half went to Queenstown and half went to Dunedin. This was the best we could do at VATNZ, because neither of those airfields could've handled the traffic by themselves and with two airfields running in sync, they barely handled the 250+ aircraft we had in in just under 5 hours. Those that were lucky enough to get a spot at Queenstown, got 1 shot at landing, if they missed it they got diverted to Dunedin. It was certaintly chaos, but it was lots of fun.

Andrew Ogden | I3
Gander Oceanic OCA Chief
VATSIM Web Developer

Visit us: https://ganderoceanic.com
Contact: [email protected] 

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  • 2 weeks later...

While controlling today...

 

Pilot: Hey, thanks for staying on and sorry for the mistakes in my flight plan.

ATC: No worries, we are all in this together.

Pilot: (while laughing humorously) Yeah well... if I didn't have bad luck, I would have none.

Michael Mund-Hoym

VATSIM EMEA Membership Manager & Data Audit Manager

VATSIM Network Supervisor

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Not to take us too far off topic, but I've noticed that there are several airports the WF planning team chose that could certainly never handle the volume. Note that the WF team selects them; the Divisions are not consulted. I've attempted to contact the WF team with suggestions and recommendations for two years in a row, with no response. Oh well, I just you just have to enjoy the uniqueness of the situation and having to deal with it....

 

Cross the pond is generated around m[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ively large INTL airports supposedly capable of handling the traffic, and there are still delays and controllers unable to handle the traffic.

Kirk Christie - VATPAC C3

VATPAC Undercover ATC Agent

Worldflight Perth 737-800 Crew Member

956763

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That's awesome....! In a way...

 

Reminds me of a cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ic from a few years ago...

XXX_CTR: CAYXXX, descend and maintain 6000.

CAYXXX: Down to 6000, yeah, we're high.

XXX_CTR: That's OK, you're high and I'm drunk, we'll find a way to make it work.

Don Desfosse
Vice President, Membership

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  • 1 month later...
During a quieter session with vERAM

 

Pilot: "What's the active runway at Liverpool"

ATC: "I don't cover that area, but Tower is online with an ATIS"

Pilot: "Roger, switching to ATIS"

Pilot: "Good evening ATIS"

Not heard that one before from anyone in the London chaos

 

We had one likes that:

 

[Moscow-Control] - AFLXXX, do you have ATIS info?

[AFLXXX] - Nooooo...

- AFLXXX, listen Sheremetyevo-ATIS on 125.125

- 125.125, AFLXXX

== 3 minutes later ==

[AFLXXX] - Moscow Control, it`s AFLXXX again. Sheremetyevo ATIS did`n respond to us.

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Yesterday:

 

I wanted to do some pattern work, so I was a C172 with NY_LSO_DEP at LaGuardia. I'm still pretty new with vfr stuff, so I wasn't quite sure whether he would give me the base turn or I should do it myself.

 

Me (after flying downwind for a long time): New York departure, Nxx74H, should we make our own turn or will you tell us?

Dep: I'm so sorry, make straight in, 13, I had something else come up.

 

A little later:

Dep: N74H, I just had to deal with an aircraft taking off without authorization, that's why I forgot about you.

Me: No problem, [cue the joke voice] thanks for keeping the airspace safe!

Dep: We try!

 

After being cleared to land:

Dep: N74H, just wanted to let you know, I just won the award for the longest extended downwind.

 

Everything else went smoothly.

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Dep: N74H, just wanted to let you know, I just won the award for the longest extended downwind.

Reminds me of a situation about 12 years or so ago while I was giving a checkride at Hanscom Field (KBED), which is about 14NM WNW of Boston Logan International (KBOS)....

 

Late afternoon, very busy, tower controller had about 5 in the pattern if I remember correctly, plus working plenty of bizjets in and out of the airport.... Based on a jet arrival on the opposite downwind, a Skyhawk was told to "extend downwind, I'll call your base." Pretty common for busy traffic times at KBED. For anyone who knows the airspace or wants to look at the chart, 29 was in use at KBED and KBOS was landing 22L and 27..... You guessed it..... The tower controller forgot about the Skyhawk and when he was about 2 miles from KBOS, nervously called the Tower saying he had a big jet about to cross in front of him and asked if he should he turn yet....!!!! I came to find out later that the pilot in the Skyhawk was a student flying solo, the controller was a student controller and both he and his instructor forgot about the Skyhawk, and at the same time the student was inquiring about the turn, KBOS Tower was on the line with KBED Tower, hoppin' mad!

Don Desfosse
Vice President, Membership

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  • 1 month later...

Valentines day at ENGM_TWR

UPSxxx is taxiing north on N for departure, meanwhile

GECxxx is vacating the runway, and is instructed to taxi southbound on M, which runs parallell to N.

 

GECxxx fails to see the difference between the two, and turns onto N - coming nose to nose with the UPS.

 

Me: GECxxx hold position

GEC: Holding position

 

Me: GECxxx I understand that it is valentines day today, but I do not think using airplanes is the best way to kiss your date. Turn left K, left E . . .

 

 

I like coming with these kinds of humerous transmissions whenever they come to mind - and I encourage other controllers to do the same. It can really light up the mood, and potenially ease up the tension for nervous pilots.

(That being said, not everyone appreciates it, so use common sense)

Mats Edvin Aarø
General Manager - Member Engagement
Supervisor Team Lead: Team 4
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During the Ryanair event something quite funny happened. With the rather big load of planes crossing the Greenland and Icelandic airspace, the controller kind of lost track for a minute and went: "Ryanair 38AP, contact Ryanair on 119.7" - seconds later- "No that's not correct, don't contact Ryanair. That should've been Reykjavik Control". Both controller and pilot laughed about it, it was funny

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It could be. I've blurred out part of the route, so it still remains clear what kind of was there, but it's not entirely readable. If both of you would be so kind to adjust your quotes to include the new image.

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ACCNL5 (Assistant Training Director) - Dutch VACC

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