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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


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Saw this on VATTASTIC during CTP today:

A Virgin Atlantic Boeing 747 is on the runway at Heathrow Airport in London... A British Airways Airbus A380 is coming in... British Airways pilot: "hey Virgin 237, you'd better be off that runway in like 20 seconds or your Callsign won't be 'virgin' anymore"

Josh Glottmann
Deputy Air Traffic Manager
Oakland ARTCC
[email protected]

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"Tower, g'day, Clipper 811, international car park level 3 bay 14, request taxi" During a quiet evening on Sydney Tower.

It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

What is funny in some of the last posts on the topic, most of them are the one "to sit and cry" rather than to sit and laugh. People making stupid mistakes all the way...

 

Well, to stay on target and bring a little of fun there.

 

It happened to me once over German airspace, I was heading towards Warsaw on shortcut. Bremen CTR (I guess it was Florian) gave me a standard traffic info. I answered "in sight, p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]engers waving". And I thought it was quite funny, so when receiving handoff to Warsaw a few minutes later, I answered again in the same manner:

"Going over to 134.92, p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]engers are still waving... well, with their fists though".

 

I might be not perfectly using the same words, it happened a couple of years ago, but man, I really liked it

 

Adam

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2:

 

Pilot: "Approach, we have the field in sight."

App: "Airline 123, Confirm you have the river in sight. A straight in approach from your present position will get you a free formation flight with some cool looking planes with pointy objects under their wings."

 

I [Mod - Happy Thoughts]ume this was Patuxent Approach for KDCA River Visual 19? For those unacquainted, there are two small areas north of the field (and on the straight-in approach course for runway 19) known as P-56. This is restricted airspace and is marked on charts as prohibited below 18000. To avoid busting this airspace, the FAA published LDA procedures and the River Visual 19 (since P-56 is east of the Potomac River). Busting this airspace gets you a military escort courtesy of Patuxent AFB.

 

Back on topic, I was sitting in a 737-800 on the ground at UHPP for WorldFlight 2014 when an Air China 777-200LR spawned on top of me. So I send him a PM:

 

QFA367: umm

QFA367: you have a very nice cabin

QFA367: but i'd rather you didn't spawn such that i'd be inside it

2uo1990.png

 

You don't need Red Bull to get your wings.

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  • 1 month later...

Not a controller but saw this when doing some observing (note that the pilot was filed as /v/):

 

DALXXX (via text): DALXXX req ifr clnc to jfk

(pause)

(pause)

XXX_APP (via text): DALXXX, text only tonight?

(pause)

(pause)

DALXXX (via text): no im eating popcorn

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On Tampere Radar controlling also Rovaniemi. Airport has military north of the runway and commercial south of it.

 

BAWxxx: Should I vacate left or right here?

Me: Left if you want to join the Finnish air force xmas celebration, but on the right Santa is waiting for you. So I recommend right, you never know about them soldiers.

BAWxxx: hehe, I'll take right it here then.

Me: Roger, stand 7, merry xmas!

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This was on the ATC chat channel ... callsigns changed to protect the guilty:

 

ABC_APP: Now online covering XXX approach.

Me: You do know this is the sweatbox, right?

ABC_APP: Now this is embarr[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ing ...

 

(ABC_APP disconnects)

Developer: vPilot, VRC, vSTARS, vERAM, VAT-Spy

Senior Controller, Boston Virtual ARTCC

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  • 2 weeks later...

[03:10:18] Pilot: "Why aren't you on voice?...Just had surgery and have a bad arm....hard to text"

[03:11:54] Me: What's kind of humorous in this situation is that I can't talk because I just got my wisdom teeth out

[03:13:19] Pilot: Ok..so you're toothless and I am without use of my arm. We are a motley pair

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I'm on BOS_DEP, a pilot departs one runway but flies the waypoints as though he had departed a different runway. I thought his response at the end was funny:

 

[00:18:05] BOS_DEP: ABC123, FYI you are flying the HYLND for runway 4R, but you departed 33L

[00:18:13] BOS_DEP: ABC123, but that's okay, it'll work out

[00:18:19] ABC123: i can ammend

[00:18:42] BOS_DEP: ABC123, the flight plan is fine, you just flew the wrong transition on the DP

[00:18:57] ABC123: thats why i dont do it for a living i guess

Developer: vPilot, VRC, vSTARS, vERAM, VAT-Spy

Senior Controller, Boston Virtual ARTCC

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While I was with Moncton today:

ABC123: request descent from FL370 to FL360, we have a traffic over us at FL380 and the TFC is annoying us

I wonder how they were annoying this pilot...maybe the above pilot was making too much noise in their plane and disturbing the "peace" on frequency :wink:

 

Again, great job all the way through, from London Control out of EGLC to Shannon Domestic out of EINN, Oceanic, Moncton and Gander Domestic, Boston, and ultimately New York!

Edited by Guest

Josh Glottmann
Deputy Air Traffic Manager
Oakland ARTCC
[email protected]

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Not quite sure if its funny but it made me smile

 

So lets start which short brief.After an hour and a half shift at early afternoon on EURE_FSS my colleague Michal asked me if he can take over so I could login on sector like EURS/GULF so I quite happily agreed with it as I wanted others to have a go enjoying their hobby as well.After about an 34 minute shift on GULF I get a message from Michal that took over EURE that his microphone stopped working and if I can cover him in the meanwhile.As always I said no problem so quick re-log got the necessary information and I'm ready to control however just a minute after he logged off he told me there are couple of voice servers problems on the voice.sag channel(Can't remember for sure)I was used to use the rw.liveatc.net server but I thought that its not worth changing it now... about 10 minutes into the shift still trying to organisate the traffic and deal with any request that pilot have.As the shift go on I was facing some voice difficulties that were quite frustrating for me and my pilots and after communication problem between me and BOX8266 that been flying through my airspace thats what happend over my text channel...

 

* [16:38:15] BOX8266: Can we try and call you over the voice channel sir

[16:38:29] >> BOX8266, If you wish sir you may give it a go

* [16:38:32] UAE9242: squawk 0267

* [16:38:47] UAE155: With you FL350

[16:39:01] >> BOX8266, Just to let you know I can see that someone tries to transmit over the frequency however at least I can't hear any voice talking

[16:39:17] >> UAE155, As I said radar contact FL350 proceed dct INROG

* [16:39:38] UAE155: ok sorry , rgr dct INROG

[16:39:44] >> BOX8266, Just to check did you hear me transmitting over the frequency now?

* [16:39:48] UAE9242: Well if you had voice he would of got your message.

[16:40:33] >> UAE9242, Well funny thing is that I got voice however its seems alike VATSIM voice severs cannot stand it today...

O [16:40:57] UAE9242: Funny thing is that other controllers are on voice... No worries.

[16:41:47] >> UAE9242, Well we can try and argue or we can try and find an solution to this situation? The choice is yours I'm trying to catch up and provde you guys with at least basic service after the guy before me asked me to change with him

O [16:42:27] UAE9242: No worries, we appreciate the ATC service you give.

O [16:42:37] UAE155: EURE_FSS ye thanks for trying your best

O [16:43:05] UAE152MC: EURE_FSS, Its a big thanks from all of us for helping on this flight!

 

And the conclusion of the day is that you don't need to do much for pilots to appreciate your actions couple of seconds after this I decided to check the rw.liveatc.net channel and it was working perfectly fine.

VATEUD ATC Department Lead | Senior Divisional Instructor [i3]

For any queries contact me on [email protected]

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  • 2 months later...

One pilot was flying with default FS2004 scenery in Helsinki and we do have some runway constrction works going on at the moment. On the default scenery there isn't runway 22R/04L which is the only one fully open for service. So this is the conversation we end up with.

 

Me: You just taxied to closed area, there is some construction work going on. Runway 15 available only via intersection Z.

(me thinking the possible solution and decided to let the plane just go because it would have been hard work to turn that plane 180 degrees and taxi back)

Me: Well whatever, it's a simulation. Wind 19006KT, cleared for takeoff runway 15.

Plane: lol thanks rwy 15 cleard for T/O

Me: Caution, some construction machines and people on the first 1/3 of the runway.

Me: Radar contact. Climb to FL 280. Did you hit any, should I send some ambulances?

Plane: c/m FL280 you may need to call emergency service, one wasnt fast enough

Me: Alright, hopefully didn't cause too much damage on your expensive plane. resume own naviagtion direct DOBAN.

Plane: Direct DOBAN. No problem, my insurance will cover.

 

You know you are tired after 5 hours of controlling when you come up with this stuff. But at least it was good fun in a quiet airspace.

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While controlling a cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts] D tower an aircraft called in which was outside of my visibility range.

 

TWR: Say position.

Pilot: Oh, I am in the air.

Michael Mund-Hoym
Assistant to the VATSIM Vice President of Membership
VATSIM Network Supervisor


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Working ground at Kennedy during KJFK/KMIA crossfire event so 'a lot' of aircraft flying the same route stacked up at the departure end of the runway waiting for in trail spacing. Finally an aircraft going to another location that I can place ahead of all the waiting aircraft.

 

FDX010, Kennedy Ground - you have great luck you just won the powerball, runway [email protected] taxi via C.

FDX010: That is good luck, I didn't even buy a ticket.

Andrew Morkunas

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Twitch: padre_andrew ATC Simulations

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I probably made a ground controller's day.

 

I after a while have my headset. I wanted to test it out and opened FSX at a gate, started vPilot. I set up my microphone in the settings and did the calibration. I ehh... I should have first set a Push To Talk key before doing thát.

 

That was an awkward calibration

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ACCNL5 (Assistant Training Director) - Dutch VACC

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I probably made a ground controller's day.

 

I after a while have my headset. I wanted to test it out and opened FSX at a gate, started vPilot. I set up my microphone in the settings and did the calibration. I ehh... I should have first set a Push To Talk key before doing thát.

 

That was an awkward calibration

 

Are you saying you held down your PTT during mic calibration, and you transmitted your calibration sounds over the air on ground frequency? That's a new one ...

 

FYI, you don't have to press your PTT while calibrating. Perhaps I should change vPilot so that it disables PTT during calibration.

Developer: vPilot, VRC, vSTARS, vERAM, VAT-Spy

Senior Controller, Boston Virtual ARTCC

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Negative.

 

I never had a microphone, so I had not set a push to talk button. Got my headset today and did the calibration. As I had no PTT key set, every sound I make was transmitted on the frequency...

 

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ACCNL5 (Assistant Training Director) - Dutch VACC

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