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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


Jake Sims 1158411
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Dace Nicmane
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Posted
to adjust your quotes to include the new image.
...or to delete it altogether.
KntU2Cw.jpg
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Matthew McEwen

"Tower, g'day, Clipper 811, international car park level 3 bay 14, request taxi" During a quiet evening on Sydney Tower.

Dace Nicmane

It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

Luka Stevens

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

Norman Blackburn
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Image removed.

Norman

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  • 2 weeks later...
Dace Nicmane
Posted
Posted

MSP_APP: MTNxxxx, what fix are you direct to?

MTNxxxx: Roger, cleared visual approach runway 35.

MSP_APP: I don't know HOW you got that from that transmission, just fly the arrival, sir.

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Dace Nicmane
Posted
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Seen on unicom:

 

"Lining up and maintaining runway 23."

 

Runway maintenance

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  • 3 weeks later...
Matthew McEwen
Posted
Posted

[07:07:27] KQA369: ready for tax

[07:07:39] >> KQA369, but it's not even July yet!?

[07:07:47] >> KQA369, taxi via A to holding point runway 06

[07:07:48] KQA610: Nice.

  • Like 1

Matt/Memet
C3 Senior Controller
Indonesia vACC - VATSIM South East Asia
Co-Founder of Garuda Virtual
gv_signature.png.ab75c890d06ff0fea8a77abf3bf2604a.png

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Ernesto Alvarez 818262
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sounds like my recent conversation with the IRS, they were holding this years and last years return well i guess they did me a partial favor cause i didnt spend it all on new sim toys

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  • 2 weeks later...
Luka Stevens
Posted
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EBBR_TWR: Cleared to XXX via LNO5J, initial climb FL60, squawk 7126.

Pilot: Roger, taxi to rwy 07C via LNO5J

EBBR_TWR: ...

 

Keep in mind: EBBR only has rwy 07R and 07L

LUKA STEVENS 
Belux vACC Training Director
   
 
 
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     arrvatA.png

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  • 5 months later...
Andre Almeida
Posted
Posted

I wasn't the controller, but saw this yesterday on a _CTR frequency:

 

"ATC: ABC123, descend to altitude 4000 ft by QNH 1022

ABC123: Turn left heading 300

ATC: ABC123, Try again...

ABC123: Turn left heading 300"

 

This entire communication was held on text, so I have no idea how the pilot managed to mess that one up, twice.

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Luka Stevens
Posted
Posted
I wasn't the controller, but saw this yesterday on a _CTR frequency:

 

"ATC: ABC123, descend to altitude 4000 ft by QNH 1022

ABC123: Turn left heading 300

ATC: ABC123, Try again...

ABC123: Turn left heading 300"

 

This entire communication was held on text, so I have no idea how the pilot managed to mess that one up, twice.

 

Lemme guess, EBBU_CTR

LUKA STEVENS 
Belux vACC Training Director
   
 
 
Facebook  Twitter  Instagram
 

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Andre Almeida
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Indeed it was. Were you the ATC?

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Luka Stevens
Posted
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:P Indeed it was. Were you the ATC?

Affirm

LUKA STEVENS 
Belux vACC Training Director
   
 
 
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  • 2 weeks later...
Andrew Morkunas
Posted
Posted

As an aircraft lands on the taxiway:

 

"DAL213 - Cleared the Harrison Ford approach...."

Andrew Morkunas

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Twitch: padre_andrew ATC Simulations

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Camden Bruno
Posted
Posted
As an aircraft lands on the taxiway:

 

"DAL213 - Cleared the Harrison Ford approach...."

LOL

Cam B.
VATSIM Supervisor

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Joseph Jucha 1343412
Posted
Posted

Oh, you've seen me fly into Memphis!

 

Folks, there is a REASON I don't fly much on the network and it's got nothing to do with dealing with ATC.

I got to the door!

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Jeff McMillan 1275572
Posted
Posted

"no mom I'm not touching myself..."

Jeff McMillan (1275572)

Communications & Events Director

http://www.vatcan.ca

[email protected]

[email protected]

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  • 2 months later...
Callum McLoughlin
Posted
Posted

Not controlling, so to speak. To set the scene, the aircraft was observed skimming along at 3000ft, approximately 1,000nm from it's destination.

 

[10:50:56] CMM_SUP: Hello [...]. My name is Callum. I am one of the VATSIM supervisors. Please reply. To contact me simply type (without the quotes) ".msg CMM_SUP hello" and then press enter.

[10:54:38] [...]: good morning

[10:54:44] [...]: everybody on board is death

[10:54:51] [...]: because FO is unable to wake up captain

[10:54:53] CMM_SUP: it seems that way to me, too

 

I thought it was funny, anyway

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Nestor Perez
Posted
Posted

'Ello, everyone!

 

On CTP at LON_S_CTR:

London Control, good evening BAWXXX with you FL4000.

after 15 seconds laughing...

Station calling London, say again.

here comes the pilot, 150% confident of himself...

BAWXXX with you, FL4000.

another 15 seconds laughing...

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Another one: "Line up and wait behind the departing traffic after he arrives."

Me.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Robert Shearman Jr
Posted
Posted

I was flying, not controlling, when I overheard this one tonight during VATUSA's Friday Night Ops "Northeastern Corridor" event; but, I think it counts:

NY_RBR_APP: DAL2526, don't be afraid now; there's traffic at your 11 o'clock, he is six miles turning northeastbound, a heavy Boeing 747 at 6000. He is British; no factor. You can give me a right turn to head (couldn't hear the rest over my own laughter)

Cheers,
-R.

fvJfs7z.png

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Thimo Koolen
Posted
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Gave the (text) pilot his flightplan clearance. He never responds with the readback. He proceeds to suddenly pushback. He finally stops a minute after I asked him to stop immediately (there was other traffic pushing next to him) and said he didn't even read back his flightplan clearance.

 

Around 10 minutes later (still in the pushed position, half-blocking the taxiway) he asks for another pushback and then this happened:

 

Os0AXPz.png

spacer.png

ACCNL4 (Training Director) - Dutch VACC

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  • 1 month later...
Miguel Dias 1396217
Posted
Posted

Airliner: Lisbon Tower Hello!

Me: Airliner, Lisbon Tower Good Evening.

Airliner: Hello.

 

(at this point i had no visual of him on the radar)

 

10 minutes later...

 

Airliner: Lisbon radio check, airliner

Me: Read you 5

Airliner: Roger , Hello.

 

No further contact from there foward...

 

(I've come to find out he wasnt filed for the airport i was in)

Portugal vACC

Tower Controller | S2

 

0.png

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  • 2 weeks later...
Jonathan Fong
Posted
Posted

From the Ugandan Knuckles event at HUEN...

55adcdca2ac47ff35f8e4ee65c83f65d-png.jpg

Memes were had.

 

Also, this is old, but...

...On CTP at LON_S_CTR:

London Control, good evening BAWXXX with you FL4000.

after 15 seconds laughing...

Station calling London, say again.

here comes the pilot, 150% confident of himself...

BAWXXX with you, FL4000.

another 15 seconds laughing...

That sounds suspiciously like something that happened on a stream of Matt Davies controlling LON_CTR (not on CTP either). Same dialogue too, to a tee.

 

You sure that anecdote's yours, Nestor?

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Nestor Perez
Posted
Posted
From the Ugandan Knuckles event at HUEN...

55adcdca2ac47ff35f8e4ee65c83f65d-png.jpg

Memes were had.

 

Also, this is old, but...

...On CTP at LON_S_CTR:

London Control, good evening BAWXXX with you FL4000.

after 15 seconds laughing...

Station calling London, say again.

here comes the pilot, 150% confident of himself...

BAWXXX with you, FL4000.

another 15 seconds laughing...

That sounds suspiciously like something that happened on a stream of Matt Davies controlling LON_CTR (not on CTP either). Same dialogue too, to a tee.

 

You sure that anecdote's yours, Nestor?

 

Nope, not mine. But still funny and still heard it

Me.

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  • 1 month later...
Matthew McEwen
Posted
Posted

This made my day!

 

Me: Direct ATUDU, cleared RNAV approach runway 24.

Pilot: Unable RNAV approach

Me: What approach would you like?

Pilot: As close to a straight line as possible please.

Matt/Memet
C3 Senior Controller
Indonesia vACC - VATSIM South East Asia
Co-Founder of Garuda Virtual
gv_signature.png.ab75c890d06ff0fea8a77abf3bf2604a.png

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  • 4 weeks later...
Andre Almeida
Posted
Posted

Had this conversation a couple weeks ago via text.

 

Aircraft: Lisboa Approach, good evening, (...), requesting clearance to Porto.

LPPT_APP: Good evening, cleared to Porto (...), squawk 4762.

Aircraft: Cleared to Porto (...), squawk 4760.

LPPT_APP: Squawk 4762.

Aircraft: Squawk 4760

LPPT_APP: Squawk 4762.

Aircraft: Squawk 4662 sorry

LPPT_APP: Almost. 4762.

Aircraft: Squawk 4762.

LPPT_APP: Readback correct.

 

Not sure what was happening.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Trenton Martin 1316014
Posted
Posted

Today flying:

 

United asks why he is on a certain heading...

 

MIA_CTR: UALXXX, you're on the heading because you were way too high and I need to descend you.

MIA_CTR: UALXXX, turn left

MIA_CTR: UALXXX, Turn left heading 270.

UALXXX: Given there is no traffic around me to cause this vectoring. I will continue offline thanks

 

Well alrighty then..

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