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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


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Ah, Marko, I do understand. These are just small snippets from a long controlling session last night. I, of course, was as helpful as possible to the folks. Those who know me will vouch for the fact that I try to help and teach every time I am on VATSIM. I even remarked several times, no problem, I was new once too. Taken out of context, I see how these could seem mean, but in totality, they were hopefully quick quips to keep the energy and levity high while also attempting to [Mod - Happy Thoughts]ist folks. I apologize for the lack of context, and appreciate your point of view.

 

"Boston Don"!

 

Great snippets! I think that it's great when controllers add a little humor to the situation when they're on the scope.

 

Recently:

Me: "Beech 15Y off A5 request taxi to Premier Jet" (I was in a F33).

Controller: "Baron 15Y taxing to parking via Alpha remain this frequency"

Controller: "Sorry about that ""Bonanza" 15Y taxi to parking via Alpha remain this frequency".

Me: "Parking via Alpha and no problem, at least you didn't call me Delta 15Y"

_________________

Chad Vienna - KCRQ

ZLA Pilot Cert I-09

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"The important thing in aeroplanes is that they shall be speedy." — Baron Manfred Von Richthofen

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It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

A usual occurence on Heathrow, slightly worrying some members can't seem to operate a comp[Mod - Happy Thoughts]   ATC: BAW123, Push and start approved, face North. Pilot: Push approved, face Nor

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It's the variety of traffic and experience levels that keep it exciting, and the ability to both teach new folks and especially the ability to work with true, consummate professional controllers and pilots (like yourself) that make this so rewarding. Thank you for flying in my airspace last night.

Don Desfosse
Vice President, Membership

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  • 2 weeks later...

Was doing delivery and this happened.

 

WSSS_GND: AICxxx taxi to holding point E1 for runway 20C via C6 SC1 EP.

AICxxx: Roger taxi holding point E1 runway 20C via C6 SC1 EP.

 

AICxxx follows taxis correctly but turns the wrong direction onto EP which leads to 02C and is about to miss the last junction to turn back.

 

WSSS_GND: AICxxx hold position, you are going the wrong direction.

 

By the time the transmission ended the plane is way past the junction.

 

AICxxx: Don't worry sir, we got it.

 

Then the plane goes all over the gr[Mod - Happy Thoughts] and back on the taxiway on the correct direction.

 

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we need to stop calling it that and move into the realm of CTAF just for correctness. sometimes it tends to confuse real world folks that come on VATSIM and think theyll get a reply from a ground station.

 

although im still of the opinion of letting S1's with the new GRP be able to staff up the unicom frequencies. be nice to get a reply for advisories not to mention the ability of all users in the area being able to use voice on it since a controller is on it win win situation if i say so myself. and since its monitored by the controller, its easier to moderate

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although im still of the opinion of letting S1's with the new GRP be able to staff up the unicom frequencies.

 

I'd rather see them on an actual ATC position myself ... maybe if we ever redesign the network protocol to allow controllers to cover more than one frequency (to essentially have multiple primary freqs), then we could have controllers working an actual ATC position plus staffing UNICOM.

Developer: vPilot, VRC, vSTARS, vERAM, VAT-Spy

Senior Controller, Boston Virtual ARTCC

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we need to stop calling it that and move into the realm of CTAF just for correctness. sometimes it tends to confuse real world folks that come on VATSIM and think theyll get a reply from a ground station.

 

I say advisory, especially after reading about what Unicom is in the real-world, aye.

Brad Lee

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ZJX ARTCC

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I hear Germany has already implemented AFIS (Aerodrome Flight Information Service) as a TWR position that doesn't actually do any controlling.

 

Ernesto, we could call it a CTAF... but that terminology is only used in the US, Canada and Australia.

 

AFIS positions have been around since before I started vatsim a few years back. We also have AG radios simulated in the UK which aren't controlling either. We also simulate London Information which isn't a controller position either (staffed by FISOs real world).

 

So there are plenty of those examples, however they're all simulating a real world system. While the concept of a unicom or safetycom (blind transmissions on a designated frequency etc) is used for real the scale of it is so much smaller than it is on vatsim.

Johan Grauers

Event Coordinator - vACC Scandinavia

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While on MIA CTR:

 

Me: AALXXX winds 070 at 4, Runway 8R, cleared to land.

AALXXX: Cleared to land, 8R.

(The B737 lands, runs 2 miles off the end of the runway before stopping)

Me: AALXXX, welcome to the Miami International area. Back to the field, taxi via I-95 & surface streets. Contact Miami Ground on 121.800 upon reaching the parameter fence.

-Fred

Deputy Air Traffic Manager

Miami vARTCC - United States Division (I1)

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Heh -- very similar one last night....

"Fedex xxx Heavy, welcome to Boston. Left turn at the end, if able. If unable, take Route 93 North two exits to Exit 24B, then follow the signs back to the cargo terminal."

And then, about 2.5 seconds later, after seeing him go from 110 knots to 0 in one second, just beyond the edge of the runway...

"Fedex xxx Heavy, hold your position there, crash-fire-rescue is enroute to put out the flames coming from your now-melting brakes."

Lots of laughter on frequency from all, including the pilot.....

Don Desfosse
Vice President, Membership

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Last night while on as SEA_CTR I engaged in this exchange on text

 

PILOT: How do you copy this radio?

 

ME: I read your text loud and clear

Roger Curtiss

VATGOV12

VP-Virtual Airlines & Special Ops

r.curtiss(at)vatsim.net

 

810159.png810159.png

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I'm the pilot, and a VATSIM friend is the controller on Philidelphia Approach. I'm parked in a GA slot, facing taxiway.

 

PHL_APP: taxi runway 19 intersection Kilo via Bravo, Kilo.

Me: (repeating back while hustling through the GA taxi and run up checklist)

 

I make two lefts out of parking when a friendly voice calls:

 

PHL_APP: looks like you're going north there, might want to turn around....

Me: (chuckling) sorry, I *do* have charts on board...

PHL_APP: (without missing a beat, deadpan) are you reading them?

 

I laughed long and loud at that...served me right.

Steve Kirks

1252923

ZME S2 Usually MEM_TWR

ZLA I-3 rated pilot

Usually on as:

FDX4345 in a PMDG 777

N533ET in a Pilatus PC-12

N323VB in a Lancair Legacy

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New pilot on VATSIM here! Been enjoying reading some of these; if I may, wanted to say a couple things.

 

1) Please DO correct me! I think sometimes I do things wrong and the ATC just ignores it. That's no good! How can I learn anything!?

 

2) I think the reason a 'common theme' is people calling out their altitude and nothing else when contacting center, is that's the way FSX does it by default. The built-in ATC does it like that (N710DS with you one-one-thousand).

UAL159.png

 

UAL159 John Hampton, First Officer - Bombardier Dash 8 Q400

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New pilot on VATSIM here! Been enjoying reading some of them; if I may, wanted to say a couple things.

 

1) Please DO correct me! I think sometimes I do things wrong and the ATC just ignores it. That's no good! How can I learn anything!?

 

2) I think the reason a 'common theme' is people calling out their altitude and nothing else when contacting center, is that's the way FSX does it by default. The built-in ATC does it like that (N710DS with you one-one-thousand).

 

 

Welcome on board! Do have a great time here!

 

1) The ATC may not have realised. If you think you're doing something wrong and the ATC remains quiet, feel free to ask for a confirmation.

 

2) You only report those if you're handed over. If you came in from an uncontrolled airspace, it'd be better to report your position as well since the controller may not be able to find you, especially if he's controlling a huge airspace.

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You don't need to call your actual altitude if you have already been on radar control. The important thing to report on first contact is your [Mod - Happy Thoughts]igned altitude, e.g. "London, BAW123, climbing FL100" or "Tehran, UAE123, maintaining FL330".

David Zhong

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In the US, you are required to report your current or p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ing altitude/flight level to each radar controller in order for the controller to positively correlate Mode-C accuracy within +/- 300ft of pilot-reported altitudes.

Dhruv Kalra

VATUSA ZMP ATM | Instructor | VATSIM Network Supervisor

878508.png878508.png

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For the UK you only report your callsign and cleared level ("London control, BAW58M FL340). The exception is after departure where you follow the SID chart instruction and report SID, p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ing level, cleared level (Scottish control BEE41, Desig1T departure p[Mod - Happy Thoughts]ing 800 feet climbing to altitude 3000 feet).

Johan Grauers

Event Coordinator - vACC Scandinavia

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