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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


Jake Sims 1158411
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Semir Gebran
Posted
Posted

Pilot: Are you real?

 

Me, a longer while ago on EKDK_CTR, pilot somewhere in the UK.

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Matthew McEwen

"Tower, g'day, Clipper 811, international car park level 3 bay 14, request taxi" During a quiet evening on Sydney Tower.

Dace Nicmane

It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

Luka Stevens

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

Fred Michaels 1137645
Posted
Posted
Pilot: Are you real?

 

Me, a longer while ago on EKDK_CTR, pilot somewhere in the UK.

 

Yes...and I'm sending F16s to say hello.

-Fred

Deputy Air Traffic Manager

Miami vARTCC - United States Division (I1)

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Willis Chong
Posted
Posted

Got this while flying last Saturday night. It's how I remembered, may not be the exact thing.

 

VTBB_CTR: HVNxxx, identified FL330, continue flight planned route, report ready for descent.

HVNxxx: Rgr.

 

15 minutes later

 

VTBB_CTR: HVNxxx, what are you doing?

HVNxxx: Listening to music.

VTBB_CTR: HVNxxx, you are descending through FL240, I told you to report ready for descent.

 

-----

Then I got an a/c squawking 7700 coming in to land while I was on WSSS_TWR.

 

AGDxxx: TWR, AGDxxx coming in for 20R, hydraulic failure, no gear and flaps.

WSSS_TWR: Roger, surface winds 180 at 5 knots, runway 20R cleared to land. Emergency services standing by.

AGDxxx: Cleared to land 20R, thank you sir.

 

...then after he landed and stopped on the runway, he proceeded to taxi back to the gate.

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Ross Carlson
Posted
Posted
...then after he landed and stopped on the runway, he proceeded to taxi back to the gate.

 

I bet that taxi required full power ... and was rather noisy ...

Developer: vPilot, VRC, vSTARS, vERAM, VAT-Spy

Senior Controller, Boston Virtual ARTCC

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Wybe Witteveen 1236692
Posted
Posted

These are all hilarious. Here's my contribution.

 

I thought these "little Fokker" jokes were getting old, but BCY couldn't resist. This was on EHAM_GND earlier.

 

[13:34:36] >> BCYXXX, follow the little Fokker onto A, taxi gate D57.

[13:35:24] BCYXXX: onto A behind the little f****r then D57

[13:35:35] BCYXXX: *fokker

[13:36:03] >> I am amused.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Ernesto Alvarez 818262
Posted
Posted

just saw this transmitted by a center, an I1 mind you

 

"Sir, I need you to sqwk the proper code, if you are unable to do so, please disconnect"

 

hmmm never learned alternate methods would be my guess?

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David Zhong
Posted
Posted

It depends... if you're busy and you don't have a way of manually coupling the tag, maintaining ident can be a bit difficult...

David Zhong

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Ernesto Alvarez 818262
Posted
Posted

"IF" you are busy. but theirs plenty of options available before it ever comes down to telling someone to disconnect, especially a new user in this situation.

 

the mode C is obviously still coming through, theirs procedures for beacon code display errors. can even have the pilot enter the pattern and land back at the airport to fix the issue

 

5-3-3c is also another, instead of identing, have them go standby then back to mode C to identify.

http://www.faa.gov/air_traffic/publications/atpubs/atc/atc0503.html#atc0503.html.1

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David Zhong
Posted
Posted

I never justified the controller's actions; just pointed out that when you have a tag with only a squawk code and altitude and 10 other aircraft to deal with, it's all too easy to lose track of that aircraft. Sure you can identify them... but you have to maintain that identification somehow.

David Zhong

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Bradford Lee
Posted
Posted

Had this yesterday on JAX APP, two aircraft coming in for the visual runway 8. First aircraft is cleared for the approach, then over DINNS at the marker he goes straight down. I get a PM saying "I don't know what happened, the autopiilot made me go nose down into the dirt like Denzel Washington, can I slew back up and retry the approach?" I told him to hold fast as I had another guy behind him, would advise.

 

2nd guy comes in, "US123, cleared visual runway 88 approach, and N123AB we have notified NTSB, ARFF, and CAP."

Brad Lee

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ZJX ARTCC

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Don Desfosse
Posted
Posted

XXX_CTR: CAYXXX, descend and maintain 6000.

CAYXXX: Down to 6000, yeah, we're high.

XXX_CTR: That's OK, you're high and I'm drunk, we'll find a way to make it work.

Don Desfosse
Vice President, Operations

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Ross Carlson
Posted
Posted
XXX_CTR: CAYXXX, descend and maintain 6000.

CAYXXX: Down to 6000, yeah, we're high.

XXX_CTR: That's OK, you're high and I'm drunk, we'll find a way to make it work.

 

Gee ... I wonder which CTR that was ...

Developer: vPilot, VRC, vSTARS, vERAM, VAT-Spy

Senior Controller, Boston Virtual ARTCC

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Sam White 1214219
Posted
Posted

DALxxxx:Why do you not acknowledge us on text. I have asked for clearences 4 times.

CZQX_x_CTR: I have been controlling this airspace for the last 6 hours, and have 25 aircraft on my screen. I'm entitled to miss a few.

DALxxxx: Maybe more controllers next time?

CZQX_x_CTR: Ok, I can give you a email and web address of how to join the Monction FIR later. Contact Gander xxx.xxx

VATSIM UK S2 Rated (Essex RTS)

Sam%20White.jpg

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Fred Michaels 1137645
Posted
Posted
DALxxxx:Why do you not acknowledge us on text. I have asked for clearences 4 times.

CZQX_x_CTR: I have been controlling this airspace for the last 6 hours, and have 25 aircraft on my screen. I'm entitled to miss a few.

DALxxxx: Maybe more controllers next time?

CZQX_x_CTR: Ok, I can give you a email and web address of how to join the Monction FIR later. Contact Gander xxx.xxx

 

Times like that make me want to enable a:

"Thank you for calling. Your clearance is very important to us. Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Please continue to hold. An operator will be with you shortly. Your estimated wait time is no less than 5 minutes and no more than 2 days."

-Fred

Deputy Air Traffic Manager

Miami vARTCC - United States Division (I1)

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Christopher Ferguson
Posted
Posted

*Pilot files pattern work in a 787 at JFK*

 

ATC: Turn Left Downwind, Report Mid-Field.

 

Pilot: Uhh, I'm Not Sure Where Left Downwind is. Can You Give Us A Heading?

Chris Ferguson

 

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Bradford Lee
Posted
Posted
*Pilot files pattern work in a 787 at JFK*

 

ATC: Turn Left Downwind, Report Mid-Field.

 

Pilot: Uhh, I'm Not Sure Where Left Downwind is. Can You Give Us A Heading?

 

"Sure, turn left heading 370..."

Brad Lee

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ZJX ARTCC

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  • 2 weeks later...
Miguel Frias
Posted
Posted

While controlling at LPPC_CTR a fellow pilot of another sent me this private message (after the other one disappeared from radar):

 

XXXXXX: [the other pilot] has disconenct because his mother is going to sleep

Miguel Frias

Senior Instructor (I3) & Certified Pilot (P4), ZLA I-11 graduate

Portugal vACC Training Director (ACCPT2), VATEUD Operations Director (VATEUD8)

Portugal vACC, VATEUD, VATSIM

1107190.png1107190.png

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Fred Michaels 1137645
Posted
Posted
XXXXXX: [the other pilot] has disconenct because his mother is going to sleep

"Ladies and gentleman, from the cockpit. We are going to turn off the engines now because mother is ready for bed. We appreciate you flying Sun Airlines and would hope you would fly us again, except we're going to die given the likely nose dive into the ocean near the speed of sound. Beverage service will also be discontinued."

-Fred

Deputy Air Traffic Manager

Miami vARTCC - United States Division (I1)

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Davor Kusec 990407
Posted
Posted
just saw this transmitted by a center, an I1 mind you

 

"Sir, I need you to sqwk the proper code, if you are unable to do so, please disconnect"

 

hmmm never learned alternate methods would be my guess?

 

File feedback...better yet, contact their Air Traffic Manager by e-mail. This isn't acceptable behavior in my opinion (especially from an I1 who should know the virtue of patience when it comes to learning proper procedures).

Davor Kusec

Air Traffic Director | Northeast Region VATUSA

Supervisor | VATSIM

990407.jpg

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Ernesto Alvarez 818262
Posted
Posted

COMM1> CTR : Aircraft, your flight level needs to be odd

COMM1> Aircraft : Negative, ATL-PUJ is east. That would mean a even FL

COMM1> CTR : Aircraft, east is odd

 

radio goes awkwardly silent

 

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James Anthony
Posted
Posted

Had this last night, after i landed and requested taxi instruction's...

 

XXX_GND: Taxi via P, B....

Me: Taxi via Peanut Butter XXX6012

 

Laughter on frequency......

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Kevin Yang
Posted
Posted

Me: "Radio check."

Tower: "Transmission unreadable. Use text."

Me on text: "Radio check."

Captain Kevin

8e9bfe368edaef204bfa6a1373fc6422.jpg

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Taylor Broad
Posted
Posted

Just happend

 

DEN_TWR: DAL***, Cleared to KMSP airport via, YELLO6 departure, Redwood Falls transition then as filed, Maintain 10000 expect FL350 10 min after departure, departure on me, sqk 0615.

DAL***: Since when did tower controller take departures. (comes in static)

DEN_TWR: If you cannot make 10,000 for the initial departure, it is not my problem.

DAL***: *facepalm*

 

Taylor Broad
Senior Developer - Virtual Airlines
VATSIM Virtual Airlines Dept.

 

## [email protected]
 
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James Anthony
Posted
Posted

Happen last night, while requesting descent.(I knew he was kidding, were good friend's)

 

XXX4577: CTR

CTR: What do you want now.....

XXX4577: Requesting permission to descend via the arrival....

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Casey Diers 981110
Posted
Posted
Just happend

 

DEN_TWR: DAL***, Cleared to KMSP airport via, YELLO6 departure, Redwood Falls transition then as filed, Maintain 10000 expect FL350 10 min after departure, departure on me, sqk 0615.

DAL***: Since when did tower controller take departures. (comes in static)

DEN_TWR: If you cannot make 10,000 for the initial departure, it is not my problem.

DAL***: *facepalm*

 

 

Please turn up the volume on your mic next time. As I indicated multiple times in my transmissions, you were about 2x3 meaning I could barely hear you and you were quite broken as well.

 

Additionally, and somewhat more importantly, the attitude you indicate was not present.

 

Thanks for flying ZDV and I look forward to seeing you next time!

 

Sincerely,

DEN_E_TWR

Casey

ZDV_CI C1

MTN1474 / Mountain Air VP of Administration / Commercial Captain

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