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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


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It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

A usual occurence on Heathrow, slightly worrying some members can't seem to operate a comp[Mod - Happy Thoughts]   ATC: BAW123, Push and start approved, face North. Pilot: Push approved, face Nor

Got this while flying last Saturday night. It's how I remembered, may not be the exact thing.

 

VTBB_CTR: HVNxxx, identified FL330, continue flight planned route, report ready for descent.

HVNxxx: Rgr.

 

15 minutes later

 

VTBB_CTR: HVNxxx, what are you doing?

HVNxxx: Listening to music.

VTBB_CTR: HVNxxx, you are descending through FL240, I told you to report ready for descent.

 

-----

Then I got an a/c squawking 7700 coming in to land while I was on WSSS_TWR.

 

AGDxxx: TWR, AGDxxx coming in for 20R, hydraulic failure, no gear and flaps.

WSSS_TWR: Roger, surface winds 180 at 5 knots, runway 20R cleared to land. Emergency services standing by.

AGDxxx: Cleared to land 20R, thank you sir.

 

...then after he landed and stopped on the runway, he proceeded to taxi back to the gate.

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These are all hilarious. Here's my contribution.

 

I thought these "little Fokker" jokes were getting old, but BCY couldn't resist. This was on EHAM_GND earlier.

 

[13:34:36] >> BCYXXX, follow the little Fokker onto A, taxi gate D57.

[13:35:24] BCYXXX: onto A behind the little f****r then D57

[13:35:35] BCYXXX: *fokker

[13:36:03] >> I am amused.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

"IF" you are busy. but theirs plenty of options available before it ever comes down to telling someone to disconnect, especially a new user in this situation.

 

the mode C is obviously still coming through, theirs procedures for beacon code display errors. can even have the pilot enter the pattern and land back at the airport to fix the issue

 

5-3-3c is also another, instead of identing, have them go standby then back to mode C to identify.

http://www.faa.gov/air_traffic/publications/atpubs/atc/atc0503.html#atc0503.html.1

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I never justified the controller's actions; just pointed out that when you have a tag with only a squawk code and altitude and 10 other aircraft to deal with, it's all too easy to lose track of that aircraft. Sure you can identify them... but you have to maintain that identification somehow.

David Zhong

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Had this yesterday on JAX APP, two aircraft coming in for the visual runway 8. First aircraft is cleared for the approach, then over DINNS at the marker he goes straight down. I get a PM saying "I don't know what happened, the autopiilot made me go nose down into the dirt like Denzel Washington, can I slew back up and retry the approach?" I told him to hold fast as I had another guy behind him, would advise.

 

2nd guy comes in, "US123, cleared visual runway 88 approach, and N123AB we have notified NTSB, ARFF, and CAP."

Brad Lee

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ZJX ARTCC

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XXX_CTR: CAYXXX, descend and maintain 6000.

CAYXXX: Down to 6000, yeah, we're high.

XXX_CTR: That's OK, you're high and I'm drunk, we'll find a way to make it work.

Don Desfosse
Vice President, Membership

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DALxxxx:Why do you not acknowledge us on text. I have asked for clearences 4 times.

CZQX_x_CTR: I have been controlling this airspace for the last 6 hours, and have 25 aircraft on my screen. I'm entitled to miss a few.

DALxxxx: Maybe more controllers next time?

CZQX_x_CTR: Ok, I can give you a email and web address of how to join the Monction FIR later. Contact Gander xxx.xxx

VATSIM UK S2 Rated (Essex RTS)

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DALxxxx:Why do you not acknowledge us on text. I have asked for clearences 4 times.

CZQX_x_CTR: I have been controlling this airspace for the last 6 hours, and have 25 aircraft on my screen. I'm entitled to miss a few.

DALxxxx: Maybe more controllers next time?

CZQX_x_CTR: Ok, I can give you a email and web address of how to join the Monction FIR later. Contact Gander xxx.xxx

 

Times like that make me want to enable a:

"Thank you for calling. Your clearance is very important to us. Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Please continue to hold. An operator will be with you shortly. Your estimated wait time is no less than 5 minutes and no more than 2 days."

-Fred

Deputy Air Traffic Manager

Miami vARTCC - United States Division (I1)

21

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  • 2 weeks later...

While controlling at LPPC_CTR a fellow pilot of another sent me this private message (after the other one disappeared from radar):

 

XXXXXX: [the other pilot] has disconenct because his mother is going to sleep

Miguel Frias

Senior Instructor (I3) & Certified Pilot (P4), ZLA I-11 graduate

Portugal vACC Training Director (ACCPT2), VATEUD Operations Director (VATEUD8)

Portugal vACC, VATEUD, VATSIM

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XXXXXX: [the other pilot] has disconenct because his mother is going to sleep

"Ladies and gentleman, from the cockpit. We are going to turn off the engines now because mother is ready for bed. We appreciate you flying Sun Airlines and would hope you would fly us again, except we're going to die given the likely nose dive into the ocean near the speed of sound. Beverage service will also be discontinued."

-Fred

Deputy Air Traffic Manager

Miami vARTCC - United States Division (I1)

21

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just saw this transmitted by a center, an I1 mind you

 

"Sir, I need you to sqwk the proper code, if you are unable to do so, please disconnect"

 

hmmm never learned alternate methods would be my guess?

 

File feedback...better yet, contact their Air Traffic Manager by e-mail. This isn't acceptable behavior in my opinion (especially from an I1 who should know the virtue of patience when it comes to learning proper procedures).

Davor Kusec

Air Traffic Director | Northeast Region VATUSA

Supervisor | VATSIM

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Just happend

 

DEN_TWR: DAL***, Cleared to KMSP airport via, YELLO6 departure, Redwood Falls transition then as filed, Maintain 10000 expect FL350 10 min after departure, departure on me, sqk 0615.

DAL***: Since when did tower controller take departures. (comes in static)

DEN_TWR: If you cannot make 10,000 for the initial departure, it is not my problem.

DAL***: *facepalm*

 

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Just happend

 

DEN_TWR: DAL***, Cleared to KMSP airport via, YELLO6 departure, Redwood Falls transition then as filed, Maintain 10000 expect FL350 10 min after departure, departure on me, sqk 0615.

DAL***: Since when did tower controller take departures. (comes in static)

DEN_TWR: If you cannot make 10,000 for the initial departure, it is not my problem.

DAL***: *facepalm*

 

 

Please turn up the volume on your mic next time. As I indicated multiple times in my transmissions, you were about 2x3 meaning I could barely hear you and you were quite broken as well.

 

Additionally, and somewhat more importantly, the attitude you indicate was not present.

 

Thanks for flying ZDV and I look forward to seeing you next time!

 

Sincerely,

DEN_E_TWR

Casey

ZDV_CI C1

MTN1474 / Mountain Air VP of Administration / Commercial Captain

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