The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.

[Semir Gebran 1148433 0]

Pilot: Are you real?

 

Me, a longer while ago on EKDK_CTR, pilot somewhere in the UK.

[Fred Michaels 1137645 0]

Pilot: Are you real?

 

Me, a longer while ago on EKDK_CTR, pilot somewhere in the UK.

 

Yes...and I'm sending F16s to say hello.

[Chong Willis 1144527 0]

Got this while flying last Saturday night. It's how I remembered, may not be the exact thing.

 

VTBB_CTR: HVNxxx, identified FL330, continue flight planned route, report ready for descent.

HVNxxx: Rgr.

 

15 minutes later

 

VTBB_CTR: HVNxxx, what are you doing?

HVNxxx: Listening to music.

VTBB_CTR: HVNxxx, you are descending through FL240, I told you to report ready for descent.

 

-----

Then I got an a/c squawking 7700 coming in to land while I was on WSSS_TWR.

 

AGDxxx: TWR, AGDxxx coming in for 20R, hydraulic failure, no gear and flaps.

WSSS_TWR: Roger, surface winds 180 at 5 knots, runway 20R cleared to land. Emergency services standing by.

AGDxxx: Cleared to land 20R, thank you sir.

 

...then after he landed and stopped on the runway, he proceeded to taxi back to the gate.

[Ross Carlson 126]

...then after he landed and stopped on the runway, he proceeded to taxi back to the gate.

 

I bet that taxi required full power ... and was rather noisy ...

[Wybe Witteveen 1236692 0]

These are all hilarious. Here's my contribution.

 

I thought these "little Fokker" jokes were getting old, but BCY couldn't resist. This was on EHAM_GND earlier.

 

[13:34:36] >> BCYXXX, follow the little Fokker onto A, taxi gate D57.

[13:35:24] BCYXXX: onto A behind the little f****r then D57

[13:35:35] BCYXXX: *fokker

[13:36:03] >> I am amused.

 

[Ernesto Alvarez 818262 0]

just saw this transmitted by a center, an I1 mind you

 

"Sir, I need you to sqwk the proper code, if you are unable to do so, please disconnect"

 

hmmm never learned alternate methods would be my guess?

[David Zhong 0]

It depends... if you're busy and you don't have a way of manually coupling the tag, maintaining ident can be a bit difficult...

[Ernesto Alvarez 818262 0]

"IF" you are busy. but theirs plenty of options available before it ever comes down to telling someone to disconnect, especially a new user in this situation.

 

the mode C is obviously still coming through, theirs procedures for beacon code display errors. can even have the pilot enter the pattern and land back at the airport to fix the issue

 

5-3-3c is also another, instead of identing, have them go standby then back to mode C to identify.

http://www.faa.gov/air_traffic/publications/atpubs/atc/atc0503.html#atc0503.html.1

[David Zhong 0]

I never justified the controller's actions; just pointed out that when you have a tag with only a squawk code and altitude and 10 other aircraft to deal with, it's all too easy to lose track of that aircraft. Sure you can identify them... but you have to maintain that identification somehow.

[Brad Lee 0]

Had this yesterday on JAX APP, two aircraft coming in for the visual runway 8. First aircraft is cleared for the approach, then over DINNS at the marker he goes straight down. I get a PM saying "I don't know what happened, the autopiilot made me go nose down into the dirt like Denzel Washington, can I slew back up and retry the approach?" I told him to hold fast as I had another guy behind him, would advise.

 

2nd guy comes in, "US123, cleared visual runway 88 approach, and N123AB we have notified NTSB, ARFF, and CAP."

[Don Desfosse 25]

XXX_CTR: CAYXXX, descend and maintain 6000.

CAYXXX: Down to 6000, yeah, we're high.

XXX_CTR: That's OK, you're high and I'm drunk, we'll find a way to make it work.

[Ross Carlson 126]

XXX_CTR: CAYXXX, descend and maintain 6000.

CAYXXX: Down to 6000, yeah, we're high.

XXX_CTR: That's OK, you're high and I'm drunk, we'll find a way to make it work.

 

Gee ... I wonder which CTR that was ...

[Sam White 1214219 0]

DALxxxx:Why do you not acknowledge us on text. I have asked for clearences 4 times.

CZQX_x_CTR: I have been controlling this airspace for the last 6 hours, and have 25 aircraft on my screen. I'm entitled to miss a few.

DALxxxx: Maybe more controllers next time?

CZQX_x_CTR: Ok, I can give you a email and web address of how to join the Monction FIR later. Contact Gander xxx.xxx

[Fred Michaels 1137645 0]

DALxxxx:Why do you not acknowledge us on text. I have asked for clearences 4 times.

CZQX_x_CTR: I have been controlling this airspace for the last 6 hours, and have 25 aircraft on my screen. I'm entitled to miss a few.

DALxxxx: Maybe more controllers next time?

CZQX_x_CTR: Ok, I can give you a email and web address of how to join the Monction FIR later. Contact Gander xxx.xxx

 

Times like that make me want to enable a:

"Thank you for calling. Your clearance is very important to us. Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Please continue to hold. An operator will be with you shortly. Your estimated wait time is no less than 5 minutes and no more than 2 days."

[Christopher Ferguson 0]

*Pilot files pattern work in a 787 at JFK*

 

ATC: Turn Left Downwind, Report Mid-Field.

 

Pilot: Uhh, I'm Not Sure Where Left Downwind is. Can You Give Us A Heading?

[Brad Lee 0]

*Pilot files pattern work in a 787 at JFK*

 

ATC: Turn Left Downwind, Report Mid-Field.

 

Pilot: Uhh, I'm Not Sure Where Left Downwind is. Can You Give Us A Heading?

 

"Sure, turn left heading 370..."

[Miguel Frias 0]

While controlling at LPPC_CTR a fellow pilot of another sent me this private message (after the other one disappeared from radar):

 

XXXXXX: [the other pilot] has disconenct because his mother is going to sleep

[Fred Michaels 1137645 0]

XXXXXX: [the other pilot] has disconenct because his mother is going to sleep

"Ladies and gentleman, from the cockpit. We are going to turn off the engines now because mother is ready for bed. We appreciate you flying Sun Airlines and would hope you would fly us again, except we're going to die given the likely nose dive into the ocean near the speed of sound. Beverage service will also be discontinued."

[Davor Kusec 990407 0]

just saw this transmitted by a center, an I1 mind you

 

"Sir, I need you to sqwk the proper code, if you are unable to do so, please disconnect"

 

hmmm never learned alternate methods would be my guess?

 

File feedback...better yet, contact their Air Traffic Manager by e-mail. This isn't acceptable behavior in my opinion (especially from an I1 who should know the virtue of patience when it comes to learning proper procedures).

[Ernesto Alvarez 818262 0]

COMM1> CTR : Aircraft, your flight level needs to be odd

COMM1> Aircraft : Negative, ATL-PUJ is east. That would mean a even FL

COMM1> CTR : Aircraft, east is odd

 

radio goes awkwardly silent

 

[James Anthony 0]

Had this last night, after i landed and requested taxi instruction's...

 

XXX_GND: Taxi via P, B....

Me: Taxi via Peanut Butter XXX6012

 

Laughter on frequency......

[Kevin Yang 0]

Me: "Radio check."

Tower: "Transmission unreadable. Use text."

Me on text: "Radio check."

[Taylor Broad 1152158 0]

Just happend

 

DEN_TWR: DAL***, Cleared to KMSP airport via, YELLO6 departure, Redwood Falls transition then as filed, Maintain 10000 expect FL350 10 min after departure, departure on me, sqk 0615.

DAL***: Since when did tower controller take departures. (comes in static)

DEN_TWR: If you cannot make 10,000 for the initial departure, it is not my problem.

DAL***: *facepalm*

 

[James Anthony 0]

Happen last night, while requesting descent.(I knew he was kidding, were good friend's)

 

XXX4577: CTR

CTR: What do you want now.....

XXX4577: Requesting permission to descend via the arrival....

[Casey Diers 981110 0]

Just happend

 

DEN_TWR: DAL***, Cleared to KMSP airport via, YELLO6 departure, Redwood Falls transition then as filed, Maintain 10000 expect FL350 10 min after departure, departure on me, sqk 0615.

DAL***: Since when did tower controller take departures. (comes in static)

DEN_TWR: If you cannot make 10,000 for the initial departure, it is not my problem.

DAL***: *facepalm*

 

 

Please turn up the volume on your mic next time. As I indicated multiple times in my transmissions, you were about 2x3 meaning I could barely hear you and you were quite broken as well.

 

Additionally, and somewhat more importantly, the attitude you indicate was not present.

 

Thanks for flying ZDV and I look forward to seeing you next time!

 

Sincerely,

DEN_E_TWR