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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


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Me (covering IAD/DCA Approach, and providing top-down for both, same day, about an hour or two later) on frequency 119.85: AWE1430, cleared for the river visual runway 19 approach, contact tower 119.85.

AWE1430: Over to 119.85, we'll see you next time, thanks for the ATC.

[short pause]

AWE1430: Oh, right.

 

 

Not really a controller "funny", but I do something similar at work when truck drivers call in and ask for "dispatch". We have no dispatch section, so whoever answers the phone does this. When they ask I put them on hold if I'm in a playful mood and wait about 30 seconds then pick up the phone again and say "Dispatch, can I help you?" So far, not a single one has realized they're talking to the same guy.

 

That's what I thought of, Aaron, when I read your post.

 

Randy Tyndall - KBOI

ZLA I-11/vACC Portugal P4

“A ship is always safe in the harbor. But that’s not why they build ships” --Michael Bevington ID 814931, Former VATSIM Board of Governors Vice President of Pilot Training

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It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

A usual occurence on Heathrow, slightly worrying some members can't seem to operate a comp[Mod - Happy Thoughts]   ATC: BAW123, Push and start approved, face North. Pilot: Push approved, face Nor

I forgot, has this been covered already?

 

There will be times when a person calls in "DAL123 at flight level five thousand" or the like. Depending on my mood, and level of traffic, I'll either ignore the 'flight level', or I'll respond "DAL123, Indy Center, good evening sir. Flight level five thousand is above my airspace. Suggest you contact Houston Space Center. If you are actually at five thousand feet, then good evening; radar contact!"

A. Karl Kornel - vZID C1, FE, and Mentor

Smoke Bomb! POOF

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I forgot, has this been covered already?

 

There will be times when a person calls in "DAL123 at flight level five thousand" or the like. Depending on my mood, and level of traffic, I'll either ignore the 'flight level', or I'll respond "DAL123, Indy Center, good evening sir. Flight level five thousand is above my airspace. Suggest you contact Houston Space Center. If you are actually at five thousand feet, then good evening; radar contact!"

 

Correct me if I'm wrong please, but I believe in the UK they do refer to altitudes as Flight levels... no?

Mark Bott / I3 - 1100894

NYARTCC Training Administrator

Program Manager for Events - Staff Specialist

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Mark... the US uses transition level FL180 everywhere. In the UK and Europe it depends on the transistion altitude which is much lower.

 

Example:

LPPT/LPFR/LPPR TA = 4000ft hence FL50 (normally) for transition level, and FL60, FL70... etc

but

LPMA TA=5000ft hence FL60 (normally) for transition level, and FL70, FL80... etc

 

Miguel

Miguel Frias

Senior Instructor (I3) & Certified Pilot (P4), ZLA I-11 graduate

Portugal vACC Training Director (ACCPT2), VATEUD Operations Director (VATEUD8)

Portugal vACC, VATEUD, VATSIM

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i had a fairly experienced pilot from south america p[Mod - Happy Thoughts] through Havana the other night headed to miami for the first time ever, who asked what the transition altitude was for Miami, politely explained that in the US they use 18,000ft.

 

even the experienced folks can get it wrong when out of their element

 

i think i was flying tho when Karl used that one cause i remember that

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Can't remember the exact situation, but it wasn't on vatsim, another network, something like...

 

ATC "xxx000, confirm you are able to fly via [waypoint] under own navigation"

 

Pilot "roger, I confirm, I am able"

 

Small pause

 

Pilot "can you provide vectors"

 

ATC "xxx000, confirim you are able to fly via [waypoint] under own navigation"

 

Pilot "I am not able to fly via [waypoint] under own navigation"

 

ATC "xxx000, turn left 220....."

 

Very funny moment

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"/r or /v?"

And if you're lucky, there is nothing in front of that text. So the message starts with a "/" and is transmitted to all controllers in range on the ATC channel.

 

Happens quite frequently to me on the Eurocontrol stations, so anyone between Tunis, Kevlafik and New York will get it. Usually raises quite a few nice comments.

VATSIM Instructor (I1) / ACCSUI2

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[21:29:33] HECC_CTR: MSRxxx, report indicated airspeed

 

[21:29:49] MSRxxx: airspeed

 

[21:30:08] HECC_CTR: MSRxxx, what is your IAS?

 

[21:30:29] MSRxxx: konts

 

[21:30:45] HECC_CTR: MSRxxx, how many of those?

 

[21:30:53] MSRxxx: 377KT

 

[21:30:58] HECC_CTR: MSRxxx, speed 210 or less

 

 

--Joe

Was he setting up for APP?

Regards,

Kaspars Fogels

 

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"/r or /v?"

And if you're lucky, there is nothing in front of that text. So the message starts with a "/" and is transmitted to all controllers in range on the ATC channel.

 

Anyone else fly the World War II simulator WarBirds? I have a lot of hours typing / before every chat message. It is almost instinctive.

So if I tell the whole controlling world to monitor unicom, just ignore me: You can monitor your own frequency too!

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While I was mentoring:

 

XXXX: cinturones asientos asegurados motores en marcha li¡stos y en marcha

(translated: seatbelts fastened, seats secure, engines running, ready for taxi)

 

Miguel Frias

Senior Instructor (I3) & Certified Pilot (P4), ZLA I-11 graduate

Portugal vACC Training Director (ACCPT2), VATEUD Operations Director (VATEUD8)

Portugal vACC, VATEUD, VATSIM

1107190.png1107190.png

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While I was mentoring:

 

XXXX: cinturones asientos asegurados motores en marcha li¡stos y en marcha

(translated: seatbelts fastened, seats secure, engines running, ready for taxi)

 

There is a lot of work for VATSIM Pilot Training organisations to do… I just hope that we're not too far behind the curve.

Alistair Thomson

===

Definition: a gentleman is a flying instructor in a Piper Cherokee who can change tanks without getting his face slapped.

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A good while back, there was a chap flying local VFR but the weather was marginal. After departing the field to the South the pilot reported that he was lost and requested vectors back to the field.

 

After explaining that I was on TWR and couldnt facilitate this he PM'd me asking politely as to why.

 

After explaining the reason why I couldnt, I said if he could transmit for a simulated DF, with a count from 1 to 5 and back again, I could give him a track to steer back to the field. He said ok then lets give that a shot. - I wish I hadnt but it did make me laugh quite a bit for weeks after

 

ATC: G-BX** transmit for DF

G-BX**: I am dee count - Ah Ah Ah Ah Ahhh 1 2 3 4 5 - 5 4 3 2 1 Ah Ah Ah Ahhh

ATC: G-BX** QDM 343 cl[Mod - Happy Thoughts] Bravo

G-BX**: 343 Ah Ah Ah Ahhh G-**

 

Still waiting to hear from Big Bird, Ernie or Bert, we can live in hope I suppose

David James

VATSIM Screenshot Contest Coordinator

Intel Core 2 Quad CPU Q6600 2.4gig, RAM 3.25gig, ATI Radeon HD4800, XP Pro SP3, FS9.1 FSnav FSinn VRC

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While I was mentoring:

 

XXXX: cinturones asientos asegurados motores en marcha li¡stos y en marcha

(translated: seatbelts fastened, seats secure, engines running, ready for taxi)

 

There is a lot of work for VATSIM Pilot Training organisations to do… I just hope that we're not too far behind the curve.

 

Or someone just chose to inject some humour into his/her "ready to taxi" call

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Hmmm...in spanish? And right after I told him he was out of my airspace? Hmmm...

Miguel Frias

Senior Instructor (I3) & Certified Pilot (P4), ZLA I-11 graduate

Portugal vACC Training Director (ACCPT2), VATEUD Operations Director (VATEUD8)

Portugal vACC, VATEUD, VATSIM

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Not controlling..but sitting on the apron with engines off, and ATC from the ground up

 

Made me laugh for an hour.

 

XX_SUP : Real quick i noticed you are squawking standby while you are in the air, can you please squawk normal while airborne ?

  LOCAL   : ....im on the ground

XX_SUP : I show you at 4300 feet

  LOCAL   : on the ground at kslc

XX_SUP : rgr

XX_SUP : disregard

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On Bristol - Having just watched someone push back into the car park they called up and requested taxi.

 

XXXX - Request Taxi to the Active

Me - XXXX, taxi Holding Point Alpha X-Ray, RWY 27, QNHXXXX

XXXX - Taxiway Alpha, Runway 27 [close enough, there wasn't any other traffic on that side of the airport to affect]

 

[pause]

 

XXXX - Which runway is in use

Me - Runway 27

XXXX - Is that the one in front of me

Me - Affirm, Bristol just has the one runway, turn left for 27 and right for 09

[PM sent with http://tinyurl.com/gdcharts to help]

 

[Pilot disconnects]

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Ross, waiting anxiously for someone to post the UNICOM frequency in answer to your question, when in fact I realized right away it was someone on UNICOM asking you what the UNICOM frequency was while you were controlling...

 

Randy

Edited by Guest

Randy Tyndall - KBOI

ZLA I-11/vACC Portugal P4

“A ship is always safe in the harbor. But that’s not why they build ships” --Michael Bevington ID 814931, Former VATSIM Board of Governors Vice President of Pilot Training

1087023

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