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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling.


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It happened to me recently that I couldn't vacate the runway and couldn't figure out why. It turned out I'd landed without gear. The controller had sent me a .contactme on final and distracted me. It

meanwhile on Belux Vacc OO-BET: approach this is OO-BET declearing an emergency, engine failure. APPROACH: roger emergency services are on the way to your currect position OO-BET: ooo there's a fie

A usual occurence on Heathrow, slightly worrying some members can't seem to operate a comp[Mod - Happy Thoughts]   ATC: BAW123, Push and start approved, face North. Pilot: Push approved, face Nor

Tonight at Memphis:

 

Me at MEM TWR:

 

MEM TWR: "FDX12, Welcome to Memphis, exit right when able, and you're parking at the FedEx ramp, right?"

FDX12 (with a smile in his voice): "Well, that's what it says on the side of the plane..."

 

(me falling out of chair laughing)

 

Five minutes later, a company MD-11 already at the ramp reported problems with an FSX generated black SUV chasing him while taxing. FDX12 was on a roll:

 

FDX277: "This SUV is chasing me! Must be a UPS guy."

FDX12: "What can Brown do for you?"

Steve Kirks

1252923

ZME S2 Usually MEM_TWR

ZLA I-3 rated pilot

Usually on as:

FDX4345 in a PMDG 777

N533ET in a Pilatus PC-12

N323VB in a Lancair Legacy

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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling (flying).

 

Back in the late 80's I was flying a PA-28-181 to KCRQ and I heard the following exchange between Palomar Tower and probably a student pilot (he was in a C-152):

 

TWR: Cessna N123 continue downwind, you're number 2 to land, tower will call your base.. and you'll be following a Bonanza on 2-mile final, report the traffic in sight.

Cessna N123: Number 2 to land and I have the Bonanza in sight.

KingAir N567: Palomar Tower KingAir N567 on the ILS for Runway 24.

TWR: KingAir N567 You're number 3 following a Cessna 152 on the r-downwind, report the traffic in sight.

KingAir N567:We have the Cessna in sight

TWR: Cessna N123 turn base, cleared to land and follow the Bonanza.

Cessna N123: Right base for Cessna N123 and I'll follow the Bonanza .

 

about 10-sec later

 

TWR: CESSNA N123 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!

Cessna N123: I'm doing a 360* turn for spacing

TWR: (Annoyed beyond belief and in a shrill screechy voice): CESSNA 123 YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!! "I" WILL TELL YOU WHEN TO MAKE TURNS! ,

 

TWR: KingAir N567 go around...

 

The actual comms are from my memory. The Cessna pilot "believed" that he was doing the right thing (though the Bonanza was already clear of the active).. The pilot doing a 360 turn on short final and the TWR controller's reaction to a pilot doing a 360 (for spacing) on short final..

 

'funniest thing I have ever heard..

_________________

Chad Vienna - KCRQ

ZLA Pilot Cert I-09

d_8855.jpg

 

"The important thing in aeroplanes is that they shall be speedy." — Baron Manfred Von Richthofen

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The funniest things you have ever heard while controlling (flying).

 

Back in the late 80's I was flying a PA-28-181 to KCRQ and I heard the following exchange between Palomar Tower and probably a student pilot (he was in a C-152):

 

TWR: Cessna N123 continue downwind, you're number 2 to land, tower will call your base.. and you'll be following a Bonanza on 2-mile final, report the traffic in sight.

Cessna N123: Number 2 to land and I have the Bonanza in sight.

KingAir N567: Palomar Tower KingAir N567 on the ILS for Runway 24.

TWR: KingAir N567 You're number 3 following a Cessna 152 on the r-downwind, report the traffic in sight.

KingAir N567:We have the Cessna in sight

TWR: Cessna N123 turn base, cleared to land and follow the Bonanza.

Cessna N123: Right base for Cessna N123 and I'll follow the Bonanza .

 

about 10-sec later

 

TWR: CESSNA N123 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!

Cessna N123: I'm doing a 360* turn for spacing

TWR: (Annoyed beyond belief and in a shrill screechy voice): CESSNA 123 YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!! "I" WILL TELL YOU WHEN TO MAKE TURNS! ,

 

TWR: KingAir N567 go around...

 

The actual comms are from my memory. The Cessna pilot "believed" that he was doing the right thing (though the Bonanza was already clear of the active).. The pilot doing a 360 turn on short final and the TWR controller's reaction to a pilot doing a 360 (for spacing) on short final..

 

'funniest thing I have ever heard..

 

I got my PVT at Palomar.. I can probably guess the controller!

Mike Evans

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About a month back at Gatwick, craziest thing I have ever heard. The poor controller lol...

 

ATC: LOL123 Taxi to 27R via C, A, hold Pluto

Pilot: ……

ATC: LOL123 Did you copy? 27R via C, A, hold Pluto.

Pilot: C, A… … ? Pluto? (Clearly thinking what on earth is Pluto?)

ATC: LOL123 where on earth are you going, you are heading in the wrong direction?

Pilot: Sorry I don’t know the airport.

ATC: You could download the charts? Anyway, take your first right, then right again then go straight on all the way to Pluto.

Pilot: Ok right, then right again, thanks!

ATC: No problem.

ATC: LOL123 you have just went past Pluto!

Pilot: Err… err… err.

ATC: OK, look you have to hold at the [Mod - Happy Thoughts]igned points. Anyway, the runway is clear, line up and wait runway 27R!

Pilot: Sorry, Line up and wait runway 27R.

ATC: LOL123, what on EARTH are you doing? You have lined up facing the wrong direction! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE???

 

Me – Coffee spat over monitor

BAW151 - British Airways Virtual

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About a month back at Gatwick, craziest thing I have ever heard. The poor controller lol...

 

ATC: LOL123 Taxi to 27R via C, A, hold Pluto

Pilot: ……

ATC: LOL123 Did you copy? 27R via C, A, hold Pluto.

Pilot: C, A… … ? Pluto? (Clearly thinking what on earth is Pluto?)

ATC: LOL123 where on earth are you going, you are heading in the wrong direction?

Pilot: Sorry I don’t know the airport.

ATC: You could download the charts? Anyway, take your first right, then right again then go straight on all the way to Pluto.

Pilot: Ok right, then right again, thanks!

ATC: No problem.

ATC: LOL123 you have just went past Pluto!

Pilot: Err… err… err.

ATC: OK, look you have to hold at the [Mod - Happy Thoughts]igned points. Anyway, the runway is clear, line up and wait runway 27R!

Pilot: Sorry, Line up and wait runway 27R.

ATC: LOL123, what on EARTH are you doing? You have lined up facing the wrong direction! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE???

 

Me – Coffee spat over monitor

Heathrow I think, not Gatwick

 

Lots of pilots seem to get confused about the named points at Heathrow, I can't say I have ever had a pilot line up in the wrong direction for me though!

VATSIM UK S2 Rated (Essex RTS)

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[LAX_CTR]: "AALXXXX, Say mach number"

[AALXXXX]: "Mach number"

[LAX_CTR]: "AALXXXX, Sir, could you say your actual mach number please?"

[AALXXXX]: "My actual mach number. Is that what you want? Not sure what you mean"

[LAX_CTR]: "AALXXXX, Nevermind, just say your indicated speed"

[AALXXXX]: "Mach .72"

 

[Radio silence.....]

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[LAX_CTR]: "AALXXXX, Say mach number"

[AALXXXX]: "Mach number"

[LAX_CTR]: "AALXXXX, Sir, could you say your actual mach number please?"

[AALXXXX]: "My actual mach number. Is that what you want? Not sure what you mean"

[LAX_CTR]: "AALXXXX, Nevermind, just say your indicated speed"

[AALXXXX]: "Mach .72"

 

[Radio silence.....]

 

Say "cancel IFR"?

 

Ryan Geckler - GK | Former VATUSA3 - Division Training Manager

VATSIM Minneapolis ARTCC | FAA Miami ARTCC 

Cross the Pond Planning Team

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Controlling center this morning, had a text pilot call up:

 

ABC123/R: CTR, req. IFR to KABC

CTR: ABC123, confirm receive voice?

ABC123/R: only if you have a nice one.

Brighton McMinn

Air Traffic Manager

Fort Worth ARTCC

VATSIM Supervisor - Team 1

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  • 3 weeks later...

It wasn't heard, but it was over text.

So I am running my very usual position at CYYJ_GND (Note the GROUND)

Pilot texts on my frequency about 25 miles out...

 

ABC123: CYYJ control, ABC123 requesting clearance to land runway 27.

CYYJ_G: CXA970, I am only a ground controller, arrival on UNICOM, 122.800

ABC123: rgr thx

 

*ABC123 continues to use my frequency as UNICOM, I leave him be since there are no traffic within the vicinity of YYJ*

 

ABC123: Victoria traffic, ABC123 is downwind for ILS approach to rwy 27 at 10000

ABC123: Victoria traffic, ABC123 is established rwy 27

ABC123: Victoria traffic, ABC 123 is on final rwy 27bbbbb

 

*appears to have landed but doesn't stop and keeps going*

Appears to go around, then disconnects.

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Observing Manchester recently.

 

EGCC_N_TWR KLM*** Taxi holding point D1, QNH1012

 

KLM*** Taxi holding point D1, cross RWY 23R, hold short RWY23L, T1

 

EGCC_N_TWR KLM*** Negative hold short RWY23R at D1

 

This controller was working hard as a large percentage of the traffic were not listening to him, just saying what they expected to hear. Well done for keeping your cool.

Vatsim network supervisor

VATeud I1/VATeir local examiner.

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So today mentor and I were running CZVR. I was on CYVR_GND.

 

FDCXXX: Freight dog XXX requesting IFR clearance to Memphis..

Me: FDCXXX you are cleared to Memphis via YVR8 departure, Flight Plan route, squawk 4611

FDCXXX: cleared to Memphis via YVR8 FP route sq 4611

Me: FDCXXX readback correct, push and start at your discretion, EXPECT 26L departure.

FDCXXX : Roger.

FDCXXX: ready to taxi

Me: Runway 26L,altimeter 3014, taxi via J, H, D

FDCXXX: rgr, J, H, D

 

*taxis through the building, and to M9*

 

Me: FDCXXX I [Mod - Happy Thoughts]igned you 26L?

FDCXXX: Can I have 26R?

(I consult my mentor on Centre... He says fine)

Me: FDCXXX approved, depart on YVR8 departure, flight plan route unchanged

FDCXXX : What is the Vancouver 8?

Me: On departure, fly runway heading, climb maintain 7000 feet.

FDCXXX : Roger, cleared takeoff 26L.

Me: FDCXXX you were not cleared for takeoff. Contact Centre 133.70.

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  • 2 months later...
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Viewed on unicom this evening...

"NXXXX: excuse me sir but I have been trying to contact unicom for some time now I believe he may have stepped away can you check?"

 

Then later

 

"NXXXX: KCOE tfc look out i'm landing"

Marcus Miller

Houston Air Traffic Manager

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